The Poetry sindrome
by SopheRawr
Summary: Dan Howell, a normal boy from the suburby of New York, got into trouble with a drug dealer and now is being chased by a gang of thugs. One night, he is rescued by a mysterious young man, who happens to be one of NYC's most powerful magnates. The man offers him protection and they soon start to fall in love with each other. Warning: This story contains explicit content.
1. Strangers

**DISCLAIMER: THE MATERIAL IN THIS FANFICTION IS INAPPROPRIATE FOR READERS UNDER THE AGE OF 17. PLEASE KNOW I DO NOT CONDONE OR ENCOURAGE THIS SORT OF RELATIONSHIP IN ANY WAY. THIS WRITING IS STRICTLY MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND THE MALE LEADS DO NOT RESEMBLE THE REAL DAN HOWELL AND PHIL LESTER APART FROM APPEARANCE.**

* * *

The Poetry syndrome: You are my lullaby

Chapter 1

I lifted my legs up on the black desk facing the landscape of skyscrapers as I lighted up the last Lucky Strike, leaving it to hang in between my lips. Tonight I watched the sky paint itself dark, the sunset brushing hues. My imagination left me, a thing you could simply observe from the hundreds of undone poems and round balls of paper scattered all around the floor. I desperately needed a muse, someone to lift me up from this pit of monotony and offer me that one spark of imagination all the poets need. I poured myself another glass of Pinot Noir, enjoying the dulcet, soft flavor on my taste buds. I took another drag from the cigarette. The smoke dug under my skin and ate at my bones.

I got up from my askew position and went to the bathroom. As I watched the man in the mirror with a woebegone mask plastered on his face, I pitied myself. I haven't been able to find love in this hopeless city, even though I've been searching every day. Maybe I wasn't searching well enough. I splashed my face with cold water, wishing to ward off the sad thoughts. _I will go out again tonight, and if I don't find anything, I'll give up,_ I thought.

I don't know how to say this to you…I like loneliness. I sometimes sit alone all day inside, I reinvent myself, I analyze my soul from all the angles, I sleep all day and stay awake all the night, I drink another glass of wine and smoke my thoughts as I watch the rings of fume while they go into the darkness and disappear into the magic of the night. I get along the best whit it, with the night. I always appear naked in front of her and never felt even the slightest trace of shame, we know each other from a long time and I came to understand her silence, and she, my egoism. I sometimes sit and write, sometimes let myself wander away from reality with the most fascinating stories from the books that patiently wait to be read by me, but mostly my own thoughts are the ones that drown my mind and my soul. People tire me, they consume me, wear me out of power; I often think that I'll never be able to find a company more pleasant than myself.

Little did I knew, that everything was going to change when I picked my thrown jacket from the sofa and went out in the New York's chill of autumn.

* * *

My feet hit the hard pavement as I ran as fast as I could, trying to escape from the three men that were chasing me. The wind was blowing hard, sending cold chills down my spine. My lungs were burning from the effort, but I just couldn't give up, I had to lose them. I continued running as the men were loudly taunting me, shouting threatening words.

"Leave me alone! I told you I don't have them!" I screamed as I turned around a corner, almost tripping on the broken cement. _Why the fuck isn't anybody on this god damned street? _I thought. My feet failed me when I hit the hard ground, scratching my hands. My lungs threatened to break into pieces when one of the three men hit me in the middle of my back, taking my breath away.

"Please" I begged, "I don't have them!" I whined. I felt a big hand grabbing my hair and lifting my head up, twisting me in such way I was now looking him in the eyes. The disgusting man fondled his tongue across my check as he punched in the stomach, making me gasp in pain.

"I am going to rip you into pieces and fuck the shit out of you." He whispered in my ear, his rotten breath turning my stomach upside down. He kneed me in the guts, making me yelp in pain. He brought his fist down again, the strength in his arm causing serious damage to my face as I felt blood gushing from my nose. I desperately tried to get away from under the massive man as he got on top of me, ripping my shirt off, exposing my flesh as his tongue ran down on my torso. His fist smashed again into my face. I knew I was covered in blood, cuts and bruises that were quickly starting to form. I knew he was going to beat me until I died; there was no point in hoping that somehow he was going to let me go.

I heard the other two men laugh hysterically as the vile man lifted my almost lifeless body from the ground and grinded me on some building's wall. His lips pressed onto mine, letting his disgusting saliva invade my mouth as his tongue slipped between my lips.

"Come on, faggot, I know you like it." He said.

"Fuck off." I managed to answer, knowing this would eventually make him hit me again. And I was right. His clenched fist pounded again into my stomach. A grunt was forced from my parted lips making me bend over slightly as I clutched my abdomen. And I knew everything was over for me when I heard him call his friends, asking for help. But with the corner of my eye I spotted a tall figure, going down the street.

"Help." I tried to say, but the only sound that I managed to make was a pathetic yelp. I think the tall man saw me, because he started running towards us.

I felt like fainting and my vision darkened. I managed to stay awake only to see the tall man beating up the thugs, and I felt ashamed because I couldn't do anything. My knees gave up and I almost hit the ground but two strong arms caught me and prevented me from falling.

"Hey, hey…Don't sleep" a gentle, smooth voice said. A cold hand brushed away the fringe that was falling in my eyes.

"You surely got yourself in a lot of trouble, didn't you? I'm glad I arrived in time." He said.

My eyes closed and I let myself give up in the stranger's arms.

"Wait, what's your name?" I heard him ask.

"D-Dan." I managed to stammer out.

"Alright Dan, I'm Phil." He said and lifted me up from the ground.

"I am going to take care of you." He told me, and I sensed a little smile in his voice.


	2. The heights of love

Chapter 2

A raspy groan was released from my lips, wanting nothing more than to stay in my bed. My hands felt for the pillow to put over my head. But I was left confused upon feeling something warm and smooth beneath me. I wasn't in my bed. I didn't own any silk sheets or beautifully embroidered pillows. I quickly pushed myself up when I realized I had been sprawled out across Phil's bed. I quickly regretted the decision, my body opposing me, a tsunami tide of pain striking through my entire figure. I awkwardly attempted to see a large red mark on my abdomen and when I podded the area, I winced in pain.

"Ow." I mumbled, and then flopped back on the bed. My face hurt too. I knew I looked horrid; my bottom lip swelled and parts of my face darkened. I somehow managed to get on my feet, slowly limping my way out of the room. The bedroom was elegant, decorated with expensive pictures on every wall, with mahogany furniture and silky smooth carpets on the floor. My feet quickly padded across the floor to an open bathroom door. I placed the clean t-shirt which I found folded next to me on the bed on the side of the sink as I heard footsteps behind me. I turned to find Phil in the doorway, a cheeky smile spread across his face. His large hand was placed above my head against the door, preventing me from closing it. Phil's eyes sparkled as he looked me in the eyes.

"Well, hello there." He said, grinning. "I see you're feeling better."

I gave him a small nod, letting my fringe slightly fall on my eyes. I jumped as Phil appeared stood in front of me. I wasn't sure on where to look; he was taller than me, his prevailing figure slightly scaring me. I watched his tongue slip out, sliding over his bottom lip. My eyes fell away from his, no longer being able to look at him. I heard what I thought was a sigh escaping his lips as I clutched the cloth tightly to my chest. My eyes shut tight as he cupped my chin in his large hand; I reopened them when my face was tilted up to his. My breath caught in my throat as his thumb ran over my bottom lip. He quickly let go of me when he saw me flinch in pain.

"Does it hurt?" he softly asked.

I gave him another small nod. I wasn't sure how to talk with the man who saved my life.

"You can have a shower if you want?"

"Thanks." I spoke quietly.

I shifted on my feet as I waited for him to disappear; and he did once he gave me a small wink. I shut the door, quickly forcing the lock across, which I checked multiple times just to make sure. My clothes were quickly stripped off, getting into the shower and letting the hot water wash over me. I stood under the steady stream for a short while before there was a knock at the door.

"Dan." Phil's raspy tone sounded through the door.

"Yeah."

"I'm going out. Stay in the flat, I won't be long."

"I can get the bus ho.."

"No." Phil sternly interrupted. "I'm taking you home."

His rough tone told me it was probably better to just do as he said and not argue with him. I heard the front door slam moments later, signaling Phil had left.

* * *

**Phil's POV:**

I started the engine and headed to my dad's work-place. My dad and I didn't have that magical father-son bond. Since my mother's sudden death, my father slowly distanced himself from the world, the only thing that he cared about anymore was his job and the way he could raise his company profits.

"You will never be happy", that's what he always told me.

"I hardly contain myself to not burst into a hysterical laughter when I hear that's what you wish, because – listen to me – you are never going to be happy, happiness is not for you like water is not for the desert, because if one day it will rain, all of that dryness would go to hell, all that dryness that defines it so good. Actually, I think that this could be the biggest tragedy that could ever happen to you: to be happy, that's when your whole being would just cancel, you would see all of your principles and axioms that built up your existence until now shatter. You like the thrill, the inner unrest, the dissatisfaction, sadness is your way of being, and that is what defines you, just like white defines winter. Do you think there would be anything left if happiness stole all of this? God forbid if," he said laughing, "you'll wake up one day and you're happy, then you would not be yourself anymore, a piece of you would die and I already see you crying on your knees in front of a tombstone because you're happy and you don't want to, because happiness had killed your soul…Ah, what a black comedy I would see with my eyes! Yes, it would be a curse for you to meet happiness, because without sadness you would not know what to write about. "

"And do you know what's tragic?" he continued, "You love loving so much and you like suffering just the same. You love passionate and until the bitter end, without measure or without asking why, you could love anybody because love comes from within you and doesn't depend on anybody. And the love which doesn't make you cry or rip the heart out of your chest is not for you, you need your soul to be smashed and trampled, you want to have the same tragic fate as the heroes from your writing…or maybe they have yours. Your poor soul became an experiment for the sake of art…Damn, I don't understand anymore. No, it's absolutely necessary for you to know everything, to gather memories; you dream about loves with a tragic end just like the books that you write, your whole life is a novel in which you are the Main Character. You despise happy endings, they depress you, common love leaves you with a bitter taste, you like darkness, pain, torment. I often ask myself, what kind of demon hides inside you? You measure your love with suffer, the more you suffer, the more you love, and this is my curse…that raised a child with malfunctions, that doesn't think or live like any other human being."

"I watch with admiration and horror", he continued, "how you like to be shattered in pieces just for the morbid sake of building yourself back up, brick by brick, with a childish enthusiasm, only to fulfill the curiosity of seeing what comes out…and It never comes out the same, every time you come back here, you're another person…ultimately, happiness is never going to please you, it's too common for you."

Today I was going to change my father's thoughts about me; I was going to change everything, his idea that I would never be happy was going to change, because I have finally found that one person, that person who could bring me on the heights of love.


	3. Family portrait

Chapter 3:

My bare feet wandered down the hall. Since Phil was gone, I took the time to have a look round without him. The space was as tidy as I imagined it, but it looked different in the morning light. My eyes curiously fell on the front door before I moved towards it. I took the handle in my left hand and it didn't surprise me when it wouldn't budge. Phil had locked me in, maybe he was afraid I would run away.

I aimlessly walked round the living room, a few pictures catching my eye. Most were with his friends, but there was one with him, a man dressed in a suit with a serious face but a with a small, soft smile bending his lips upwards, his father, I thought, and what looked to be his mum. He was sat in the middle, arm slung round the shoulders of the woman. I smiled at how happy they looked, Phil's blue eyes enlightening the whole photograph. Wait, _what_? I found myself getting closer and closer to the photo, Phil's eyes being the only thing I could focus on right now. They had something, something different. They were _happier, brighter. _Suddenly, my eyes caught the image of a white piece of paper, its corner coming out of the photo frame. I could not keep my curiosity in check, so I carefully removed the paper from between the framework and the family portrait. It was a poem, written with long and thin letters, delicately looped and inclined just like the trees that softly moved in the wind, sign that it was written with fidelity and love, row by row.

_Do you remember how I held your hand and lay my head on your shoulder_

_Even at that moment I couldn't imagine life without you_

_People talk about broken hearts in songs or movies_

_Until that moment I had never known a true broken heart_

_Over and over I thought "How can I live without you?"_

_I watched you live, I watch you die_

_Every day I look up at the sky_

_I know you're waiting for me_

_I miss you_

_I love you, I love you, PLEASE come back home._

_Now that you're gone I'm all alone._

It wasn't what I expected and I got kind of shaky and my breath got heavier. I really wondered what caused him to write such things that made me feel really bad for him, my heart breaking into a million tiny pieces. I owned him my life, because he saved mine, so I got kind of sad when I thought about him getting hurt, even though I knew him for just one day.

I hadn't even heard the front door open, my focus still on the poem and the photo.

"Dan."

I jumped, my body swiftly turning to see Phil staring at me. His black jeans slung low on his hips and a dark navy jumper covered his torso. His blue eyes flicked from my face to the poem and the picture.

"I, umm, I was just looking for something to…umm…"

"The car is outside." He said suddenly. He didn't even bother with the fact that I was rummaging through his belongings.

I maneuvered round his tall frame to the hallway to pick up my things before remembering I had left my shoes in his room. I hurried towards his bedroom, hastily putting them on and swiftly travelling back down the hall. My body stood in the doorway as I intently watched Phil pick up the photo I had been interested in. Even from behind I knew his black locks would be flopped over his forehead as he looked down. He drew in a deep breath, releasing the air in a sigh. The picture was carefully put back into place before he turned. He appeared a little startled at my presence before composing himself.

"Oh, wait…" I shyly said, handing him back the little piece of paper. "Sorry…" I managed to add, before he snatched it away from me. He seemed kind of angry, but the harsh look on his face rapidly disappeared when he smiled and asked me, to my surprise:

"Do you like it?"

I didn't actually know what to respond, it was a sad poem, and I didn't get too well with sadness, because it easily affected me.

"Y-Yeah, sure." I said, giving him the little smile back.

"Would it be alright", he said, moving closer to me, "I we have each other's phone number?"

"Sure" I said once again. He moved closer and closer, until there was no more than an inch between us. He took me by surprise, making me flinch when he took his time to run a warm touch down my back. His long fingers wriggled into the back pocket of my jeans and I soon realized he was searching for my phone, making me think that he could've just asked for it.

I stood silently as Phil typed in his number. A beep sounded seconds later and I realized he had texted himself from my phone. He now had my number.

"Does it still hurt?" he asked me when he handed me my phone back, tilting my chin and running his thumb over my bottom lip. His touch was instantly on my face, brushing over my cheeks, checking to see if I was still hurt. He pushed my hair behind my ear and all the while he didn't take his frosty blue gaze off me.

"A little." I trembled. _What was wrong with me? _

"I see. On the way I'm going to stop at the pharmacy and buy you some ointment. Alright then, let's go."

* * *

Phil seemed to be lost in thought as we drove to my address. I got the impression there was something more to that photo and poem. But I wasn't really sure if I wanted to know. We were soon pulling into my road, Phil parking opposite my house, undoing his belt and turning his head towards me. He bought me a bag full of medication, bandages, salve and any other stuff he said I needed for my wounds. I gave to open the door, but Phil's sudden "No" stopped me. I was left stunned as he opened his car door and jogged round to my side. He helped me get down from the big SUV, carrying the pharmacy bag for me until we made it to my door.

"Goodbye, Phil, and thank you." I told him hesitantly.

"Call me if there is anything you need. I'll come running with my heart on fire."

A smirk crossed his beautiful face before he winked and strolled over to his black car. I hastily opened my front door, slamming it shut behind me. My back pressed to the wood before sliding down it to slump to the floor. I sat and listened as the car drove away down the road. Silence then followed and I was left to ponder over what on earth I was going to do.

"Where have you been and what happened to your face?" I heard my father's voice taunt me.

I looked up, mildly startled, he… well… he actually looked worried about me. I tried to grin nonchalantly at him but it lacked any meaning as I winced through it. He stood in the hallway, arms crossed, eyebrow quirked. It…it made me feel a little warm inside, the fact that he cared.

"Tried to kiss some poor guy that didn't want it?" he said, loudly laughing.

And there went the warmth, right out the window.

"Go fuck yourself, father."


	4. Survivor

Chapter 4

Dan:

_Who am I? _

* * *

I am a survivor. Growing up my Mother was mentally abusive. When I was eight she told me she never really loved me. Nothing I did was ever right. I used to love playing with her makeup and jewelry and she would throw my stuff out and call me a disgusting boy for touching those things. She was constantly hurting my dad by cheating on him left and right. But my Father stood tall and strong and still tried to help her. He tried to keep the family together as best as he could. But no matter how hard we tried to help her, she only got worse.

My dad was so proud of being the only one in his family to own a home. But it was short lived because my Mother spent a lot of money drinking and going out. She kept losing jobs and not doing her part to help out. I took on odd jobs babysitting and house-sitting so I could help any little way I could. My Mom used to come home sometimes at four or five in the morning drunk, throwing up all over the place. I found out later in life that she had sex with a guy I had a crush on. I was fourteen years old when I found out. It was a stupid little boy crush, but it was shattered by my Mom. Basically everything we had, my Mom took away from us. My Dad ended up losing his house, and we had to move into a smaller, more run down one.

She soon found a new boyfriend and moved away with him. Soon after she moved, she stopped sending my dad child support. I was fifteen, turning sixteen at the time, and I had to go out and find a job so I could help my Dad pay the bills. I spent my whole life taking my Moms place because she didn't care enough to do her part. I went through years of mental problems that I even face to this day. I was put into anger management and therapy; I had suicidal thoughts and cut myself. I had feelings of just complete hopelessness and really wanted to die. If it wasn't for the love and support of my family, I don't know where I'd be. If not for my Dad, I think I would probably be dead or in a seriously bad place right now.

But everything changed with my Dad too. One night, my Mother came back to us, with her makeup smeared all over her face, crying and high hells in her hands. She said that her boyfriend left her and she was sorry for everything she did. She said she loved my father and wanted to move back in with us. He distrustfully accepted her back, but all the things she said she would change about her, never happened. I realized she actually had no more money to buy alcohol, and that's why she came home. After about three weeks of reliving the past, my Mother never came back. Dad got a call from a police man, saying that they found his wife crushed between the wheel of her car and the seat. She didn't die, but the injuries she got left her paralyzed for life, from the neck down.

That's when my father got completely mad, letting out all of his anger and pain on me. My mother was unable to do anything, just look at the entire scenes in which my father knocked me over furniture, or beat me with his belt or fists until I passed out, from the bed that she was glued to for the rest of her miserable life. Even though I was sixteen, my father was twice as big and powerful as me, and I could not resist him in any way. He became just like my mom, drinking 24/7, constantly being drunk. It seemed like whatever I did was wrong and deserved a punishment. He told me that the reason my mother could not move anymore was me, the reason that this family was falling apart was me. When he found out I was gay, he chained me to a tree in a hot mid-July day, without water, saying that I should think about myself, about how disgusting and miserable I was. The next two years went by, filled with numbness and unbearable pain. Filled with emotions I had never known existed. Filled with an emptiness that was so hollow, I was a walking dead person. The endless amount of sleepless nights became a ritual in my twisted schedule. The daily confusion and absolute loss that consumed me is indescribable. This torturous hell was my life as I had come to know it. At school I was constantly mocked and laughed at because of my sexual orientation. Boys often came and kissed me just to see how I would react, then after school they would catch me on my way home and spit in my face, taunting me, telling me I was the most pathetic person they've ever encountered. When my dad had no more money, and I had nothing to feed mother with, I had to borrow money from a guy I knew had lots, because of his drug trade. I had never been so stupid. He gave me the money I wished for, but I never thought about how I could ever give them back. One night, he sent his three "employees" on me because I didn't manage to return the money back in time. I ran, ran as fast as I could but they caught me, and beat me so hard I thought that night was my last one. But this man, this man found me and he…he saved me. He cared for me. In all of my eighteen years of life, he was the first person to actually ever care about me, about how much I was hurt. When he saved me from the thugs, I wanted to cry so much that the muscles in my throat were painful. I wanted to just break down and cry my heart out, and thank him so much.

* * *

I am not a graceful person. I am not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2 am, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks; I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don't belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn't happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don't see the lighting, but you hear the echoes.

This is who I am.

* * *

**I'm sorry about this chapter, but I had to write it. Don't worry, more Phan is coming soon. **

**Anyway thank you for reading! Please leave a review, they make me smile :)**


	5. Those heavy nights

Chapter 5

**4:06 a.m.**

It was another of those heavy nights when I didn't want to put lash on lash or to move. All I did was to think.

_Have you ever felt like you were destined to know someone? That all the pain that you've gone through was worth it in the end? You took one look at them and you knew, in spite of everything, they were going to be an important person in your life. You know…they say "opposites attract" but I think people like us fall in love with people like us. We fall in love with ourselves. I think it takes more than just anyone to be with one of us. We see deeper parts of people. We long for their souls, for their gardens of thought, for feeling their backbone, their spine, inhaling the words they breathe. We see more in people because of what we know ourselves. I think we fall in love with people like us, people with beautiful words, and thoughts, and glances at strangers and artistry. We can't just wake up in the morning and go to work. We want to lie in bed, count the freckles on our shoulders, how many times a rain drop hits the windows. We breathe differently. We strive off of beauty, that's why we can't settle, for just anyone who's different. There's got to be a person we find beauty in. Who thinks, and feels, and wonders, as remarkably as we sometimes do. I think we fall into people who are a lot like us, because they understand, appreciate, relate, and know the way we experience and feel, and I think that's important. They say opposites attract, like magnets, they're pulled from different places, ending up together. But we don't need opposites, or magnetic force. We're on the same side, north or south, we don't need to be pulled together. We're already there._

**4:15 a.m**.

My head rolled to the side and I patted at the duvet until I found the source of the buzzing. I held my phone up in front of my face. The text was from Phil. My heart sped up a little as I forced myself to open the message.

From: Phil (4:15 a.m.)

"_Are you sleeping?"_

I bit my bottom lip, as my thumb hovered over the keys. I jumped as my black tabby, Rey, climbed up onto the bed. His soft stripy fur brushed against my hand at an attempt to get my attention. I smiled, scratching him behind the ear before looking back at the phone screen. My fingers quickly added to the message.

"_Not really, I can't."_

From: Phil (4:16 a.m.): "_Why not? Are your bruises still hurting?"_

I softly pressed two fingers over the violet marks that covered my stomach and tights, and flinched in surprise when a little wave of pain still managed to disturb my nerves.

"_A little. Why aren't you sleeping?"_ I asked him.

From: Phil (4:18 a.m.): "_I am working on something. I needed some inspiration."_

"_And you came to me for it?" _

From: Phil (4:19 a.m.): "_If you only knew…Say, would you mind if I call you?"_

"_Not at all."_

_**~~Outgoing Call~~**_

"Morning, Dan."

"Your voice is really low."

"…In pitch?"

"No like, you're talking really quietly."

"Well so are you."

"I am trying not to be heard my dad."

"Why?"

"Because…Well, It doesn't really matter…I…It's just that I fear him, a little."

"That's not okay. Why? What does he do to you?"

"You wouldn't want to know."

"Don't worry, I'm here for you."

"I am...No, look, it really doesn't matter."

"Alright."

"I can't sleep…" I whispered through the phone line.

"Do you want me to tell you a story?"

"Sure." I said, closing my eyes and turning on the side.

"Well, I'll read what I wrote just five minutes ago."

"Go ahead." I said, a smile creeping on my lips.

"I saw the way he slept, and I was in love with him. Because although he would shake throughout the day, he could be so still in the clutches of slumber and if only people looked that unworried, unstressed, unarmed, unshielded, when they were awake, maybe a lot more people would be in love too. His brow creased, and I smoothed it out with my fingertips and watched him soundlessly let it all go. If only it were that easy to get rid of all nightmares. I saw the way he slept, and hoped only that he was dreaming of me. It occurred to me that he was a hot cup of coffee on December mornings, and ice-cold shower in the middle of July. He was rain tapping out secret messages on my window, whispering untold stories of our future on an island not known to man. I was going to love him as fiercely as ocean winds that rip through the clouds like tigers teeth and bear claws, like wolves making midnight wishes on amber moons that resonate across the sky that twinkles like movie-stars smiles, and shake every last tree in the forest. I wanted to do with him what spring does with the cherry trees. I want him to undress his heart, and show me how much it hurts, so that I can show him how I intend to make it stop."

"…"

"Dan?"

"…."

"Dan?"

"…."

"…"

_**~~Disconnected~~**_

I fell asleep with tears streaming down my cheeks.

* * *

**Thank you for reading, I would love to know what you think! :) **


	6. Coffee colored eyes

Chapter 6:

_**~FLASHBACK~**_

Today I was going to change my father's thoughts about me; I was going to change everything, his idea that I would never be happy was going to change, because I have finally found that one person, that person who could bring me on the heights of love.

I pulled my Evoque in the park lot designated to my dad's company and got out of the car, walking fast to the entrance of the building. As I passed the large sliding doors, two big guys dressed in black approached me, smiling.

"Good day, Mr. Lester! Are you here to meet with your father?"

"Yes, tell him that it's important and to delay everything he does right now." I said rushed.

"Oh, well, you see Mr. Lester; your father is attending an important meeting right now and he can't…"

"Carl, I really don't care. I need to speak to him."

I saw a security camera turning and focusing on me as Carl's friend, the other guardian, was whispering in the microphone connected to his earphone.

"Your father can have you now." He said, "Do you want us to come with you, Mr. Lester?"

"No. Thank you."

I made my way to the big elevator placed right in the middle of the oval lobby, made entirely out of glass. _Dad really likes to spend his money foolishly. _I was nervous, my foot constantly kicking the floor. When the elevator eventually came, I rushed in and pressed the last button on the panel. _Right, floor 50._

_Wow, he really made some changes since the last time I've been here. _When I got out of the elevator, a stunning cupola of glass had been placed in the middle of the wide ceiling, from which a silver chandelier was hanging, making the whole room bright and elegant. In the middle was dad, who sat at a massive desk made out of beautifully sculpted cherry wood, in his seat upholstered in ruby silk with handles carved in the shape of raging lions. On the wall behind him, was hanged a massive painting with a nude woman, who strangely assembled my mother. The painter managed to bring somehow to life, a woman with waist-long, black hair that was softly brushing her back, covering her bottom, looking nowhere over her shoulder, with her big blue eyes. Besides my father's desk, was a lady, holding a silver plate with crystal glasses placed near a bottle of 55 years old Glenfiddich.

"Father." I managed to say till last. I approached his desk, casually taking a seat in one of the posh armchair that was placed in front of him.

"Phil!" he exclaimed, offering me a false smile, exposing his perfectly white teeth. "My beloved son, what brings you here, today?" he said, encompassing all of the room with a hand gesture. _He is so melodramatic it makes me want to vomit. _

"I need to talk to you about myself." I said simply.

"Did you…" he began his question, striking me with his icy eyes. His smile suddenly disappeared, making space for an impenetrable mask that covered his whole face. "Have you found someone, at least?" he said with a sarcastic tone.

"Indeed, I am here to say that I am finally happy, and that you were wrong all this time."

He didn't say anything, the whole time provoking me with his look. I wasn't afraid of him, so I continued to return back the defiant sight. He slowly got up from his seat, as if he was ninety and his dorsum hurt. He made a sign at the lady who held the alcohol, asking her to come and pour him a drink.

"Want some?" he asked me with a dull voice. I slowly shook my head, watching as he opened a drawer from his desk and took out a nice, little wooden box. He opened it and took a black cigarette from it, placing it under his nose and smelling it as if it was a flower. He lighted it as he put back the box and looked at me.

"Leave us." He said to the lady. She quickly made her way out of his office, leaving me alone with him. I started to get kind of annoyed at his lack of interest, feeling my brow slightly creasing. He went behind my seat, placing his heavy hands on my shoulders, grabbing me hard.

"Phil, Phil, Phil…You don't understand, my boy." He said, blowing the sweet oak scent of the cigar in my neck. "Anyway, tell me about her…or _him_." He continued with a harsh voice, emphasizing _"him"._

"I don't think there is anything you need to know about…_him." _I responded in the same manner, breaking away from his grip. I turned to face him, and smiled, "Why can't you accept me the way I am?"

"Because I want heirs!" he shouted, suddenly becoming violent and throwing his crystal glass at the floor, causing to break into tiny, sharp pieces. "I want someone who can take the lead of this company after you, when I'll die!" he added.

"I don't care about your fucking company! All you think about is money, money and money! Why don't you think about me sometimes, like a normal father should do?"

"Because I didn't raise my child to become a good for nothing homosexual! I raised you to develop this family like I did. But now you can't, because you're a flaming gay boy! Do you know…" he growled, coming closer to me and defying me with his look. "Do you know what I am going to do to that piece of shit you pretend to love…?"

In that moment I exploded and grabbed him by his expensive shirt, pressing my forehead against his and whispering at his ear:

"I swear that if you or one of your dumb gorillas ever dares to touch him…I am going to fucking murder you all, father." I said, shoving him into a wall. "I am going to cut you all into tiny pieces and feed you to the sharks. I am fucking serious." I heard the movement of one of his security cameras that were spread all over the building. An alarm suddenly erupted from a speaker, calling all of the guardians to rescue their boss from the crazy murderer that was his son. I gave him another look as he smiled at me when about ten men dressed in black, equipped just like they were from S.W.A.T., dashed into the room, ready to kill anyone who dared to touch their leader. I leaved my father alone, making my way out of the room. I pushed the bodyguards out of my way, flipping them off.

"Fuck off." I said, as one of them shoved me away from the elevator. He looked at my father and let me go, subordinating to his orders.

I made my way out of the damned building, getting back into my Evoque.

"I swear if…" I shouted, punching the steering wheel, the car's horn making itself heard all over the parking lot. "I swear if he does anything to Dan, I am going to fucking kill him." I mumbled; remembering that I should calm myself before I faced him.

I parked the car in front on the apartment complex, sighting as I turned off the engine. I shook the hand of the man that was in charge with the building and made my way to my apartment.

I slowly opened the door and found Dan focusing on something I couldn't see, his back blocking my sight. I came closer; surprised that he didn't hear me.

"Dan." I said, smiling when he jumped, his body swiftly turning to see me.

"I, umm, I was just looking for something to…umm…" he stuttered, his beautiful coffee colored eyes locking on me. He nervously fiddled with his fingers and looked at me with the same look of a little frightened child that I loved so much.

_**~END OF FLASHBACK~**_

I woke up with my phone stuck to my left cheek, glad that it was Saturday and nobody screamed at me to wake the fuck up and go to school. I stretched, warding off the drowsiness and remembering last night. My heart suddenly began racing and all of my blood rushed into my cheeks. This was the first time in my whole life that a spark of kindness started a fire of love.

I don't know how it was that he was so familiar to me- or why it felt less like I was getting to know him and more as though I was remembering who he was. How every smile, every whisper brought me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known him before, I have loved him before- in another time, a different place- some other existence.

But I wasn't going to confess. The thought the maybe he loved me…maybe he didn't, was grazing the back of my mind. Sometimes I was so insecure I wanted to punch myself in the face. I got up out of bed dragging my bare feet to the bathroom. I peeled off my pj bottoms and threw them in the washing basket. I quickly brushed through my dark hair before wandering over to the chest of drawers. The t-shirt that I slept in was swiftly pulled over my head and threw together with the pants. I put on a simple white t-shirt and hopped over to the bathroom whilst yanking up my favorite jeans. I sleepily turned on the light, getting my toothbrush from the holder and squirting toothpaste onto the bristles. I opened my mouth and started to clean. I watched myself in the mirror, inspecting the now healed bruises. His words _"I want him to undress his heart, and show me how much it hurts, so that I can show him how I intend to make it stop."_ echoed through my mind. I tried to push Phil from my thoughts, quickly going back to cleaning my teeth.

When I finished I went downstairs, ready for another day in hell, Satan being my father. _Actually, I think I am going to have breakfast in town, _I thought. I put my white high-tops on and threw my backpack over my shoulder. When I quietly opened the front door, my jaw dropped.

A black Range Rover was parked in front of my porch. I walked quickly towards it and opened the door. Phil had a cheeky smile plastered on his lips. He lowered his sunglasses and winked at me.

"Good morning." He said, his blue eyes flickering.

"What…what are you doing here?" I asked him, surprised.

"Get in. We're going to have breakfast at my favorite place." He reached out his hand and I took it, getting up in the tall car.

"But, I don't have…"

"It's on me." He interrupted me, starting the car's engine.

"Thank you." I said.

"Don't worry, I love making you happy." He said turning his head to face me. _Oh my God, stop making my heart race. I am going to have a heart attack one day, asshole._

* * *

**_Thank you for reading! Please leave a review and let me know what you think, they always make me smile!_ :)**


	7. I prefer you under me

Chapter 7:

Dan's POV:

My head turned looking around the interior of the car. It was surprisingly clean for a man.

"Don't look so nervous, Dan." Phil smirked. I didn't even realize I was staring straight ahead, gripping tightly the armrest of the chair.

His blue orbs lingered on me for a few seconds before he reached round for his seatbelt, strapping himself in. I did the same, my eyes landing back on Phil as he swiftly turned on the ignition and shifted the car into reverse. He grinned at me, winking before pulling out of the space and onto the road.

I noticed the blazer sleeves were pushed up his strong forearms as he tightly gripped the steering wheel. He swept some black locks from his face, clearing his vision to see the cars speeding past on the junction. I found myself staring at his face until his lips curved into a smile and I knew I'd been caught. My head dipped down to pick at my finger nails as a blush crept up onto my cheeks.

"How old are you?" I asked quietly.

I glanced up at his face. He turned to me for a second before looking back out the windscreen.

"Twenty two."

"Oh."

The rest of the ride was pretty quiet. I spent the time looking out my window. The sun was slowly fading behind a grey cloud as we pulled into a car park. I jumped back into the seat as Phil placed his hand on my knee._ Oh my god, Dan, stop acting like you're a fourteen year old girl. You're eighteen for God's sake. _

He smiled and withdrew his hand, and I swear he looked at me like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time.

"We're here."

I unbuckled my seatbelt, and reached for the handle. My eyes widened when I realized it was locked. I had to wait for Phil to open my door from the outside. _He really has this thing with locking people. _I couldn't help but shy away from his touch as he helped me down from the car. _Why are you so gentle with me? I can get out of the car by myself. _My reaction didn't go unnoticed by him.

I regretted not taking a jacket when I left the house, because I yearned for something to keep me warm as the wind whipped round. Suddenly, I was pulled under one of Phil's strong arms as he guided me to the path. I took in a deep breath, the smell of the sea filling my senses. We turned a corner and I realized we were at the harbor. My eyes flicked from one boat to another, all of them moored up to the dock.

We continued to walk along the promenade; a railing being the only barrier separating us from the deep water. We stopped outside a fancy restaurant, Phil removing his arm from my shoulder and flashing me a brilliant smile as he span me round to face him. I gasped as his long fingers pushed away the locks from my forehead. His mouth held a smirk, his tips brushing over my cheek.

"We're here." He said, smiling.

Phil gave his name to the man at the front of the restaurant. The valet dressed in an elegant black suit with a ruby-red tie seemed to know Phil, as he let us in without any problem, looking very happy. When his eyes met mine, he gave me a curious look. When we got in, I could feel his gaze burning in the back of my neck.

We were led by a nice waitress to a table towards the back of the fancy restaurant. I had a horrible feeling settling in my stomach. _Maybe he asked to be placed here so we were more hidden. Wait, hidden from whom? From what? _I sat opposite him at the small table, shrugging off my backpack and placing it over the back of the chair. The waitress handed us our menus before taking our drink orders and hurrying off.

Phil scanned over the list of meals on offer, not looking up as I turned around and pulled out my phone from my backpack. I held the menu up in front of me, hiding myself as I opened the text.

_From: Clara_

_Hey Dan! How is it going? Wanna hang out? Xx_

Clara was my best friend since third grade. I was about to reply when my shield was pulled down to the table. I quickly shoved my phone into my rucksack before looking up to meet Phil's blue gaze. He decided not to mention my phone and asked me what I wanted instead.

"I'm not really hungry…" I lied bluntly.

"Pick something or I'll pick for you." His tone holding a hint of annoyance. _What's going on? Why do I suddenly feel so frightened? _

I stayed silent as he called the waitress over. Her ponytail swayed as she rushed to our table, quickly scribbling down our order.

"Can I get you anything else?" She asked politely.

Her eyes hesitantly landed on Phil's before quickly diverting to mine. I could tell she felt on edge around him. She gave me a sympathetic look, almost as if she knew something weird was going on.

"No thank you." I smiled.

Then we were left alone. Phil tilted his head slightly to the side, his eyes locking onto my face.

"What's going on, Dan? Do I frighten you?"

I was about to say that it was a pretty stupid question, he saved my life, why would he frighten me? But I stopped myself. I didn't really want to tell him that suddenly I felt like he scared the crap out of me. What the hell was wrong with me? He was just being polite with this entire restaurant thing. Right? Although I don't see how he couldn't have realized the intimidating effect he suddenly had on me, my silence was all the confirmation he needed. He showed off his white teeth as he smiled at me. Phil's hand was about to reach towards me when the waitress came back with our drinks. I thanked her for the water, mentally praising her for interrupting us. All too soon she had walked away and I was left alone with Phil again. I felt uncomfortable as his eyes rested on my face.

"Has anyone ever touched you before?"

"W-what?" I replied in confusion.

He didn't say anything, but I gasped upon feeling his hand on my knee under the square table. He chuckled at my reaction before swiftly getting up. It surprised me when he pushed his chair round to sit on the side of the table to the right of me. His hand immediately went back to its previous position. My breath hitched in my throat as his touch slid slowly up my thigh, my body was frozen. He intently watched as my chest sharply rose up and down and I thanked God I wasn't a girl wearing a dress right now, who knows where his hand could have reached. When his fingers skimmed my crotch I abruptly shot up. My chair screeched against the floor as I pushed it back, causing some people to throw me death glares.

"I-I need to go to the bathroom." I gushed.

I heard him deeply laugh as I quickly walked towards the toilets. I didn't have time to pick up my backpack; I just wanted to get away.

"Don't be too long." Phil called behind me.

…

_What the fuck?_

* * *

My hands tightly gripped the sink, leaning my weight on it as I tried to control my breathing. I raised my head up to the mirror attempting to calm myself down. I couldn't believe how forward Phil's actions were. It's like he didn't even care if anyone saw. I patted my pockets to check for my phone.

"Shit."

I had left it in my backpack, at the table, with Phil. My heart sunk at the realization that I had no one to contact. I shook my head, trying to put my thoughts in order.

"I can't do this." I spoke to myself, my heart beating so fast I could hear it hitting the inside of my chest.

I glanced up at my reflection in the mirror again; I don't think I had ever been more baffled and scared at the same time. Frantically I paced up and down in the empty toilet, trying to figure out my options. I could either go back in and face Phil and his strange behavior or I could make a break for it. My eyes darted over to the window and I quickly opted for option two.

My hands yanked the window open, I was about to climb on to the sill when the door creaked open. To my relief I spun round to see the valet that welcomed us at the entrance of the restaurant.

"Are you Dan?" He asked.

I nodded my head and waited for him to continue.

"Mr. Lester asked me to check on you…Even though I don't know why he didn't do it himself…" he mumbled under his breath.

"Oh God."

He locked the bathroom door and walked closer to me, catching my hand and pulling me to the side.

"W-where is he?"

"He's waiting outside the door." He whispered worriedly. "I locked it anyway."

My eyes widened at what he told me. His head turned to the open windows and then back to me. He obviously knew what I had been attempting before he arrived.

"Go." He nudged me towards the escape. "I'll tell him you weren't in here."

"Thank you." I smiled.

I caught hold of the window sill, pulling myself up. I glanced back to see him exit the toilet.

"What?!" I heard a low voice shout on the other side of the door.

"Shit."

I sat with my legs hanging out the window. But just before I jumped down the short distance to the ground outside, the toilet door swung open. Phil's dark eyes locked with mine. His angry gaze quickly changed into a grin and I realized this was fun for him. A chase.

* * *

You know, I sometimes wonder why I get involved with such crazy psychopaths. I ran as fast as I could along the promenade, the air cooler than when we had first arrived. I quickly passed the entrance to the restaurant, hoping I could gain as much distance as possible. I glanced back to see Phil hot on my heels. I felt like Daffy Duck being hunt by Elmer Fudd.

"Dan!"

I refused to give up, I had to get away from him. My legs began to ache as I forced myself harder. The air I was drawing in, not being able to satisfy my need. I kept telling my lungs that they can make it. I was gasping for breath as I rounded a corner, still on the path that ran alongside the water. I began to panic when I realized the path was quickly coming to an end. My head darted on way then the other, desperately searching for a way out. I skidded to a stop, turning round to find Phil slowing down. He smirked at me as he strolled closer, knowing I had nowhere left to run. I took a few steps back only to hit the railing. Both of our breathing was forced out in heavy puffs.

"Where'd you think you're going, Dan?"

He continued towards me as I moved slightly to the left, thinking I might be able to get past him and run the other way. Phil was only a few meters from me when my back pressed up to a gate that led to a straight drop to the water. I pressed harder into the barrier, urgently trying to increase the space between us.

I let out a shriek as the gate behind me gave away. It swung open, I lost my balance and fell though the opening.

"Dan!"

I hit the cold water below, my body sinking down. My arms and legs worked together to try and reach the surface. For a moment, relief washed though my body. It may not have been the perfect solution but I was now out of reach from Phil. That was until I felt another splash not far from me. A strong arm wrapped tightly around my waist and I was tugged to the surface. We both gasped for air as I spluttered out water.

I shoved my hands to his chest, pushing him away. He swept his wet black locks from his face as he watched me. I kicked my legs to keep myself above the water. Phil grinned at me, revealing his white teeth before he spoke.

"Well, this is the quickest I've got someone scared on a first date."

_Date? Scared? _All I did was to groan at his suggestive comment. I wasn't a very strong swimmer and after the run my body felt weak in the water. However, I attempted the swim to the dock anyway. My hands pressed to the hard surface but before I could push myself up, Phil caught hold of my hips. He twisted me round to face him, his body closer than what I would have liked.

He could tell I was struggling to keep my head above water.

"Hold on to me." He roughly whispered.

My hands stayed in the water, continually moving to keep myself afloat. He gripped my arms, pulling them up and round his neck. Phil's right hand caught hold of the dock behind my head while his left pressed to my lower back, forcing my body into his. He held us up, his eyes never leaving my face. I had to trust him not to let me down. My breath hitched in my throat as he began to lean into me.

"Phil, I'm cold." I whispered.

I let go of his neck, turning round to grip the dock. I watched as he hauled himself out of the water. His clothes dripping as he bent down and helped me out. I was surprised by his strength, and suddenly I felt embarrassed by my weakness. He easily got me up onto the platform before I caught my foot and stumbled into him. The action took him by surprise, falling backwards with me on top of him. Phil let out a grunt as we lay on the wooden dock. I placed my hands on his chest, pushing myself up, my legs either side of his waist.

"Mmmm…" he breathed.

I let out a disgusted noise as he winked at me. Before I knew it Phil caught hold of my hands from his chest and rolled me under him, pinning my wrists down.

"I prefer you under me."

Drops of water fell from his black hair to my skin as he hovered above me. His blue eyes travelled down my body, my wet clothes sticking to the skin. Phil dipped his head down, lightly blowing across the uncovered skin at the top of my chest. His lips held a smile when goose bumps formed. My eyes fluttered closed with the sensation.

I jumped as a pair of wet lips pressed on my forehead. My eyes shot open, Phil's dripping hair tickled my cheeks. I just lay there frozen.

"I'm sorry, Dan." He said quietly.

He pressed his forehead against mine and we stayed like that for a little while longer until Phil pushed himself up. His body loomed over me as he deeply chuckled. _What just happened? _

"You coming?"

I quickly sat up, staring at the hand he offered to me. I took it and he pulled me up to stand next to him. My eyes wandered over his wet body. His blue t shirt stuck to his torso revealing a toned stomach and chest. I quickly looked away, knowing I had been caught by Phil as a smirk crept onto his face.

He entwined my fingers with his as we walked along the dock, and I didn't pull away. The stop up to the path was quite large so he _again_ helped me, placing his hands on my hips and lifting me up. He easily climbed the ledge where I had already gotten over the railing. I waited for him; Phil then took my wrist and tugged me over to where his blazer was thrown to the floor. He must have taken it off before he jumped in after me. Bending down, Phil collected his phone, keys and wallet before picking up the clothing, slipping it over shoulders.

"Thanks." I spoke quietly.

* * *

The valet at the front of the restaurant frowned as he took in our appearances. Our clothes were still dripping wet, making puddles on the floor. The rest of the customers in the restaurant struggled to look anywhere but us. I couldn't blame them, we had caused a bit of a scene. Any other time my cheeks would have flushed red but it just didn't seem to matter now. Phil handed over his card to pay.

"Get your back pack and let's go." He harshly whispered in my ear.

I quickly walked over to the table; our waitress was clearing away the plates nearby. She caught my eye and hurried over to me.

"Unbelievable. Why are you still with him? He seems kind of crazy…" She whispered.

"I am not-"I began before glancing back. He waited for me at the entrance.

I hastily collected my things before going back. As I passed the valet, he placed his hand on my shoulder, stopping me.

"I'm so sorry; he wouldn't believe me when I told him you weren't in the toilet." He gushed.

"Don't worry; it's not your fault." I smiled at him, squeezing his shoulder lightly. "Thank you."

"Be cautious." He whispered at him ear. "He has a very troubled past and quite a nasty reputation around here."

I jumped as Phil came up behind us. I gave the valet a confused look as he nodded, before Phil dragged me out.

* * *

We pulled outside my house. The sunset that crept through the clouds, was coloring the sky in different colors of orange and blue. I huffed having to wait for Phil to release me from his car. He stayed by my side all the way up to my front door. I scrabbled round in my bag, pulling out my keys which I dropped moment later. Before I could look down in search for them, Phil cupped my cheeks and pressed another lingering kiss to my forehead.

I didn't have much left in me to fight him off but I weakly pushed my hands to his chest anyway.

"Sorry." He whispered again.

Glancing up I noticed his locks beginning to dry out, he looked almost cute, and that was until my eyes reached his mouth. The big grin on his face warded off the cuteness, letting a strange feel settling in. I felt my skin crawl as he watched me.

I pulled his blazer from my shoulders, holding it out between us for him to take.

"Keep it."

He dipped his head a final time, lightly kissing me on the cheek before I watched him walk away back to his car.

Well, this was a breakfast I would certainly remember.

* * *

**Please leave a review and let me know what you think! :)**


	8. You are missing from me

_**Okay guys, so i know the last chapter was a bit weird, but i felt like writing it. Don't worry, I am going to explain everything on the way. **_

_**Oh my god, new character!**_

* * *

Chapter 9:

Dan's POV:

They say I can't last a day in the real world. I say you wouldn't survive one night in mine.

Two weeks passed since the breakfast/date that left me confused for life. I didn't really have any motivation to do anything anymore. I didn't feel like wasting my energy on all the pointless day to day bullshit of life. The man who constantly made my mind go crazy didn't give me any sign of life since he fucked up my emotions, and skipping school and becoming a burrito of blankets in my bed seemed to be the only remedy. When I heard even the slightest buzz coming from my phone, I jumped straight to it, only hoping that that bastard had the common sense to unfold me from the sheet of confusion he wrapped me in. Unfortunately…:

_From: Clara_

_Dan, where the hell are you? Why aren't you coming to school? It's fucking boring without you. Answer me this time, bitch. Xx_

Really, I loved Clara, but I didn't want to go to school. I felt better drowning in my own pity and shame.

I texted her back, saying I just felt sick and I'd come back when I feel better. She didn't believe me but went with it. I thanked god she was so understanding sometimes. But it was kind of true. I felt kind of poorly. My head ached and my eyes were very dry, as if I cried for five hour straight.

Anyway, let me tell you something. In French, you don't really say "I miss you." you say "tu me manqué" which is closer to "you are missing from me." I love that. "You are missing from me."

You are a part of me, you are essential to my being. You are like a limb, or an organ, or blood.

I cannot function without you.

So, truth be told, I kind of missed that bastard, and I did nothing to make that feeling go away.

_Why don't you text me? Why aren't you no longer in your car, in front of my porch, waiting for me? What happened?_

I sighed, finally getting up from the bed and made my way downstairs. My dad was asleep in his old and down-and-out armchair, with the TV blasting out some uninteresting discussion between two assholes. Bottles of beer were spread out along the floor, and I felt disgusted at the sight of his careless and loathsome way of life. I forced myself to not tear up when I remembered the good old days. I went to the kitchen and made some toast with strawberry jam and went to my mother's bedroom. I was used to the way she looked. Pale, always with dark circles under her beautiful, sunken inside their orbits, eyes. Her long hair was now going gray, and she became skinnier with each passing day. The only sound in the room was coming from the TV in the living room.

"Mom?" I asked quietly.

She opened her eyes and smiled.

"Dan." She said, with a slow, hoarse voice.

I sat on the chair beside her bed, with the plate with toast on my lap.

"I figured you must be hungry, so I made you something." I said, slowly leaning in, brushing some strands of hair from her forehead.

"Oh, Dan…"

I gave her a small smile, and feed her the breakfast I made. I watched as she struggled to chew and to swallow, and I wished nothing more than to see her healthy again. As she took the last bite, I got up and went back to the kitchen, bringing a glass of water for her. I helped her take her daily pills that kept her alive and kissed her on the forehead. I took her bony, sallow hand into mine, and caressed it with my thumb, as I sat down next to her on the bed that she was stuck to for the rest of her life. She was so fragile I was scared to do more than brush the tips of my fingers over her brittle and dry skin. I saw how the veins cracked through the porcelain glass of her knuckles. Her hands were as broken as any other part of her, but they still fit perfectly into mine, as they did when I was little.

"How do you feel?" I asked her, bringing her frail hand to my lips and kissing it.

"Bored." She managed to joke, but she only made me sadder. I bit my lip, trying to contain the rivers that threatened to burst from my eyes. I said that I got used to her being like this, but who am I kidding. My body failed me and I felt a salty tear leak down my cheek. She managed to bring her hand to my cheek, cupping the side of it and wiping with her thumb the tears that felt down on it.

"Where is my big boy?" She asked, smiling.

I cried, covering my face with my hands, and lying down next to her. I buried my face in the crook of her neck and just let it all out. I cried about her, about dad, about my fucked up life and about Phil. I cried like a little kid that was afraid of the dark, afraid of the monsters from his closet that threatened to kidnap him in his sleep. I felt how her shaking hand was slowly stroking my back in a comforting way. When I finally managed to calm myself down, I looked up at her and saw that she fell asleep with a little smile curving her tiny lips upwards. I quietly got up and kissed her one last time on her head.

"I love you." I whispered, and made my way of the bedroom, closing the door behind me. When I stepped into the hallway, my way was blocked by a big, dark stature.

"Go and fetch me some beer. Now." My dad ordered, pushing me to the door, making me stumble between my feet and face-plant the floor. He laughed and I sighed, not having the courage to look him in the eyes or disobey him. I put on my shoes and checked how much money I had left. I had only eight dollars left to spend today, enough to buy some groceries. I had to go and interest on some part-time job soon. I picked up my back-pack and went out. I walked instead of taking the bus to the nearest store; I couldn't risk spending money foolishly right now. I noticed with sadness that there was no black Range Rover parked in front of my house today. _Ugh, forget about him, stupid. You know you spill your heart out to anyone who gives you the slightest bit of attention, but at least think if they actually care. _

I put my headphones on and let Sheeran's singing soothe my mind.

_Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars_

_Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing, _

_It's okay not to be okay... _

_Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart. _

_Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,_

_Just be true to who you are_

I entered the super-market and bought all that I thought was needed, plus Dad's beer. As I went to pay and the cashier, I stumbled upon a familiar face. _Isn't he the guy from the restaurant? Yeah…the valet. _

"Oh, hello!" he said, flashing me a bright smile.

"Hi." I spoke. "I see you have a much diversified work." I said, as he scanned my groceries.

"Well, yeah, I have to take care of my little sister somehow so I work in a lot of places." He said, smiling once again. "How is Mr. Lester?" He asked, "I thought you two are very close, since he took you to a restaurant…He doesn't do that much often, actually he never did that with someone." He said, looking me in the eyes.

"Well, he is ignoring me." I said simply. "I don't know how he is."

"I see…" he said, "Maybe he is just busy. By the way, my name is Sebastian."

"I'm Dan." I said, introducing myself as he packed my stuff.

"Hey, I really look forward to making some new friends, so why don't you meet me tonight in front of this market, maybe at about 7 o'clock? We can chat a bit and maybe go grab some drinks. What do you say?"

_Damn this guy is really straight ahead. But oh well._

"Sure, why not?" I said, smiling back. _He seems like a nice guy._

I shook his hand as I made my way out of the market, going back home.

I entered the house and put the groceries in their designated place, bringing my dad his beers in the meantime. He snatched it from my hand and growled to get out and leave him alone. It didn't bother me anymore.

I went to the bathroom and watched myself in the mirror, my hands tightly gripping the sink, leaning my weight on it. I decided to take a shower and buy time until seven.

When the clock on the wall of my bedroom ticked half past six, I got up from askew position on the bed and got ready.

Before I leaved I checked on mom, only to see that she was still fast asleep. I smiled at her and closed back the door to her room, leaving once again the house. I got back to the market in time, praising myself that I was a very punctual person. _At least you're good at something. _I approached the sliding doors of the now closed store, and saw Sebastian leaning on a wall, a cigarette hanging from between his lips. He blew out the smoke before smiling and patting my shoulder.

"You really came!" he exclaimed joyfully.

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked him, happy that someone was enthusiastic of my presence.

"Well, most of the people are scared of such direct approaches, but you seem to be okay with it." He said, watching me with his rather nice brown eyes. "Well, let's go somewhere. Oh, I know a nice bar just across the street." He told me. "Hey Dan?" he began his question.

"Yeah?"

"What's your relationship with Phil?"

"Umm…you can say we're friends."

"I see…" He said quietly, a brown lock falling between his eyes as we went to the bar.

"Why?" I asked.

"I was just wondering." He said, smiling and dragging another smoke from his cigarette.

"You're going to die soon." I joked, pointing to the black cigar.

"I am trying to quit, but damn I have no ambition." He said, making a sad face.

"Let me help you." I told him, taking the cigar from his lips and throwing it on the ground, crushing it.

"Hey!" he yelled, softly punching me in the arm. "That was my last one!"

"See? It helped." I said, laughing.

He poked his tongue at me and pulled another one from the back pocket of his jeans.

"Lied." He said amused.

"You little fucker." I told him as I watched him light it, blowing its cherry scent into my face. I coughed and punched him in the shoulder.

"Come on, Dan. Let's get wasted." He said, swinging his arm around my shoulders and guiding me to the bar.

When we entered it, I was happy that it wasn't one of those kinds where they blast music to the max into your ears and everyone rubs lascivious on each other on the dance ring. We stood at some stools at the bar, ordering some draft beer. A rock'n'roll song was quietly playing in the background.

"Why are you so quiet?" Sebastian asked me. I jumped, realizing I was lost in my thoughts for a moment.

"Nothing in particular." I said, sipping on the pint.

"I wanted to ask you-"Sebastian began his question, but he was interrupted by a loud noise of a slammed door. Three massive guys entered the bar, scarring everyone with their entry.

"Get me some fucking alcohol!" The _leader_ of the group yelled at the barman, spitting on the floor. His eyes met mine, and I could feel a chill creep on the back of my spine. My heart was thumping like a drum in my chest, when I realized that I knew him.

"Hey, aren't you that bastard who-"He began, but I acted on instinct and sprinted out of the bar, avoiding them on my way. I heard Sebastian scream my name when I ran out of the local and into the night; trying to get as further away I could from the three men who almost killed me.

"Don't you think you can get away this time!" I heard him scream behind me, following every step that I made. I was so scared I thought I was going to black out, but I kept running. I suddenly bumped into someone, feeling two strong arms holding me tight to his chest. I tried to kick and to punch, thinking somehow the thugs managed to catch me, but I stopped when I heard a familiar voice. I looked up to see a pair of blue eyes staring right at me.

"Phil?" I asked, trembling.

* * *

_**Thank you for reading! :)**_

_**By the way, here is the song that Dan was listening to, in case you were wondering : watch?v=JQlt1u10ri4**_

_**And i imagine Sebastian as Ben Barnes in my head *holyfuckdayum* just google some pictures because it doesn't let me post sites here :D**_


	9. You are going to kill him

Chapter 10:

_If our love is tragedy why are you my remedy? If our love's insanity why are you my clarity?_

"Phil?" I asked, trembling, his ocean blue pouring into my soul, a dance between the sea and the mahogany forest. He stared at me for a while, caressing my cheek, before quickly realizing that we weren't alone. His eyes suddenly became caliginous, with an ethereal spark of furry lightning them. He was angry, I could tell by the way he clenched his fists and tightened his jaw. He pushed me behind his tall figure and protectively stood in front of me as I peered round his body.

"Come on man! We were just going to have some fun with this little guy! Right?" The thug looked at me to reply, but I didn't answer him. Instead I caught hold of the back of Phil's t shirt, moving behind him fully. My fingers desperately fisted the fabric, too frightened to let go.

"Don't be like that. We were going to have a good time." He told me as he grinned, revealing his yellow and crooked teeth. I felt my stomach turning inside out when he licked his lips, looking me in the eyes. "I missed you." He laughed. I suddenly realized his other two companions were not with him anymore. _Did Sebastian catch them? _

I heard him start to walk towards us. Phil firmly stood his ground.

"Dan, go to my car." He spoke with his back still facing me.

My fingers still tightly gripped his t shirt and he turned, blue orbs connecting with mine.

"Go."

I obeyed him, my legs jogging down the passage to his black car. I opened the passenger's door, but didn't get in. I hung on to the doorframe, slightly leaning out. Their voices were difficult to make out, but I suddenly understood what was going on when Phil's fist smashed into the thug's face. He stumbled back, barely managing to stand on his feet. Phil didn't hesitate to knee him in the stomach, the thug yelping in pain. He brought his fist down again, the strength in his arm causing serious damage to the man's face as blood gushed from his nose. I gasped as Phil got on top of the badly injured guy, his clenched right fist repeatedly pounding into him. I couldn't watch any longer. Phil was going to kill him if he kept on, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't stop. I ran quickly back to them. My heart pumped as I tightly gripped Phil's shoulders, desperately trying to pull him off. But he wouldn't budge.

"Phil, Phil stop!"

His arm drew back to land another punch, my hands wrapping round the strained muscle.

"You're going to kill him."

I was forced to let go as his arm pulled away from my hand, his fist once again hammering into the man. My eyes grew wide as I watched Phil beat the life out of him. I had realized, and even witnessed first-hand, what Sebastian first told me at the restaurant, and why people were so scared of him. The man's face was covered in blood, cuts and bruises quickly starting to form. I immediately started to panic; I was going to be called up as a witnessed to a murder if I didn't do something.

"Please…stop it." I begged him. Fortunately for me, I heard Sebastian calling my name. My attention was drew from the man soaked in blood near me, standing under Phil. Sebastian ran to us, placing his hands on my shoulders as he gasped in awe.

"What the…hell?" Phil's head quickly turned to Sebastian, causing dark locks to fall over his eyes. He pushed them back as he stared at both of us. His eyes widened, and I could see sparkling tears form above his thick eyelashes. He looked at us then at his hands, covered in blood.

"No, no, no, no, no! This isn't supposed to happen! Everything is going so wrong; it's not supposed to turn out this way!" He screamed, grabbing his hair and falling on his knees. Silence fell upon us. The only thing you could hear was the sound of tears colliding with the ground. He looked so twisted, so frightened, so torn apart I couldn't help but pull away from Sebastian's grip and take Phil into my arms.

"Shh…everything's going to be okay." I told him, cradling him in my arms.

"Well…" I heard Sebastian say after a while. "Yep, I think I am going to take this guy to his friends…now."

"Wait." Phil suddenly said. He looked at me then got up, leaving my embrace, going near Sebastian. "I need to talk to you." He told him.

"Help me carry this guy first." Sebastian replied. They both looked at me and I told them I was going to stay in the car in the meantime. They nodded and I made my way back to the Range Rover as Sebastian and Phil both grabbed each side of the thug and carried him to…I didn't really know where they took him. I sighed and closed the passenger door, leaning my head on the cold window. _Why did Phil become so brutal? Why did he cry? Why was he here? Was he on the way to my house? _Questions started to spin around my head.

**Sebastian's POV:**

It was yet another boring day at my other part-time job when a familiar figure came towards me. The boy who Phil was with at the restaurant came to my cash desk, looking pretty demoralized. His eyes were red, as if he had cried and his chocolate hair was messy.

"Oh, hello!" I said, smiling at him.

"Hi." He said in a monotone voice. "I see you have a much diversified work." He said as I scanned his groceries.

"Well, yeah, I have to take care of my little sister somehow so I work in a lot of places." I said, happy that he recognized me. "How is Mr. Lester?" I asked him. "I thought you two are very close, since he took you to a restaurant…He doesn't do that much often, actually he never did that with someone." I corrected myself, reminding that Phil wasn't the type of guy who really gives a crap about where he takes his dates.

"Well, he is ignoring me." He said simply, looking at the ground. "I don't know how he is." He told me, looking pretty upset. _Oh poor guy. _

"I see…" I said, "Maybe he is just busy. By the way, my name is Sebastian." I introduced myself.

He raised his head and looked me in the eyes. _Damn he's pretty. _I tried to look away from him as I clumsily packed his groceries, but I was too attracted to his coffee colored eyes. A brown lock softly fell between his orbs as he said:

"I'm Dan."

He smiled.

"Hey, I really look forward to making some new friends, so why don't you meet me tonight in front of this market, maybe at about 7 o'clock? We can chat a bit and maybe go grab some drinks. What do you say?" I suddenly found myself tell. I contained the urge to slap my mouth and prayed to god that I didn't creep him out. _Stupid, stupid._

"Sure, why not?" He said smiling, dimples forming on his cheeks. I felt like sighing in relief, I was such an awkward guy sometimes. He shook my hand in form of goodbye, and the way his skin felt against mine really intrigued me. I wanted to see more of him. _What the fuck, Sebastian._

When my shift was over, I took that stupid green apron off and hurried back home. I almost slammed the door when I entered, walking fast to my room.

"Sebastiaaaan, what is wrong?" I heard my sister ask.

"Nothing." I loudly said from upstairs. When I got into my room I locked the door behind me and hastily looked for something to wear. _White shirt? No. Black shirt? Yeah. Blue jeans? Nah. Black skinny jeans? Yeah sure why not. _I had about half an hour left before I'd get back to the market. I combed through my hair with my fingers and applied my favorite perfume. I smiled sexily at myself in the mirror and went back downstairs.

"Why are you so fancy tonight? Having a date?" My sister Jess sarcastically asked me from the sofa on which she was lying, stuffing herself with popcorn.

"Nah, I don't think you can call it a date. We didn't even speak to each other properly."

"Oh, so you begged him or her to come with you somewhere, yeah? You were your creepy self again, Seby?"

"Shut up you little shit." She poked her tongue at me and I smiled. I took my phone, keys and wallet, almost forgetting my cigarettes and went to the market.

As I waited for Dan I lighted a cigar, letting the smoke soothe my lungs. I leaned on a wall and stared at the sky. When I heard footsteps coming towards me I felt glad that he actually came.

The whole time I couldn't take my eyes of off him, the brunette making my mind spin round. We joked and laughed and generally had a good time, until we arrived at the bar. He looked lost in his thoughts, and I took advantage of his distraction to study him more. I don't think he realizes how easy it is to fall into the nebulous void that is his eyes.

When he ran away, I first thought it was because of me. I thought I really scared him. But I soon realized that he ran away because of the three men that suddenly entered the bar. I did my best to stop them but I only managed to pin down two of them, the other one still chasing Dan. I punched the two of them straight in the face, happy that they blacked out and ran after Dan. When I finally reached him, I felt my heart speed up. There he was, Phil, beating the hell out of the thug, with Dan almost crying in fear right beside him. How could he be this stupid? Couldn't he see that he scared Dan? That he allowed himself to slip out of control and become a total beast? He almost killed the guy, until I ran beside them and pulled Dan closer to me, determined to protect him from everything. But my heart crushed into pieces when he pulled away from me and went to Phil, cradling him in his arms, after all that he did. I really wanted Phil gone forever that time, but I pretended that it didn't affect me and carried on. Really, what else could I have done? When Phil said he wanted to speak to me, it wasn't what I expected. After he helped me dump that guy in some bushes, he surprised me, in a bad way:

"I really don't want you anywhere near Dan." He told me.

_Oh really. This is going to be a fun competition, fucking bastard. _


	10. Monsters don't exist

_This is my love song to you_

_Let every woman know I'm yours_

_So you can fall asleep each night, babe_

_And know I'm dreaming of you more._

* * *

Chapter 11:

Dan's POV:

I don't understand Phil.

First, he made this really unexpected entry in my life, saving me from the iron-like fists of some thugs, he cared for me and even took me on some kind of date that scared the hell out of me and confused me for some good whole days. But wait! It's getting interesting! I found out on that date that he was some kind of _"Bad boy of the neighborhood"_ and after two weeks in which he ignored me, he appeared in the climax of the moment, like a magician at a kid's show, saving me again. But the way he did it…

The way he beat that guy made him look really…frightening.

As if he didn't even know that he was almost killing that guy. He didn't respond in any way when I screamed like a maniac, trying to make him stop.

I waited for him in his car, and when he got in he didn't even dare to look me in the eyes.

**Phil's POV:**

"I really don't want you anywhere near Dan." I said to Sebastian after we dumped the guy in some bushes.

"Oh, really?" He asked me, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms over his chest. He leaned closer to me and whispered:

"You'll see."

_That son of a bitch. _

I didn't say anything anymore and went back to my car. As I walked to it, I could see Dan through the windshield, my heart suddenly speeding up.

_You're a monster. You're a monster, Phil. _

I am not a monster. I just tried to protect him.

_He will become just like them. Just like her._

He will not!

_Monster! Monster! Monster! _

I clenched my fist so hard I could feel crescents forming in my flesh and prayed that the memories won't come back. I opened the door and got in. We drove in absolute silence to his house and all I could think about was what he was thinking about me after all that happened. When we arrived, I did my usual routine. I opened my door and went to his, but he was already getting down. He looked at the ground until he reached the door to his house, brown locks covering his eyes. I followed him, not daring to say anything.

We both stood face to face. I intently watched Dan's face as he processed what to do. He hadn't moved even one bit.

"I nearly killed him there, didn't I?" I asked quietly.

My vision fell to his lips which were parted but no words came out. He nervously fiddled with his fingers.

"Does that scare you?"

My heart sunk. There was no reaction from him.

"Do I scare you?"

"No." He didn't hesitate to answer.

I felt him grip my right hand. My fingers curled up in a fist before he gently pried them open.

"I just wanted to protect you, keep you safe." I paused. My body leaned slightly closer into his. "I want to keep you safe." I whispered.

As I withdrew I noticed his eyes had closed. He opened them again as he slowly brought my hand up to his mouth. His soft, warm lips delicately kissed over my knuckles as he held my eye contact. He moved closer to me, his hands slowly gripping round my waist. His head rested on my chest as I snaked my arms protectively round his back. He held tightly to me for a while. When his soft cry reached my ears, I cupped his face and made him look up to me. Cristal tears fell down his cheeks, making my heart stop beating. I tried to wipe them away with my thumbs but they kept falling.

"Why are you crying?" I asked him as I pressed my forehead to his. He didn't respond.

"Why are you crying, Dan?" I asked again, looking in his eyes. Our faces were inches apart.

He bit his lip and wiped the tears from his cheeks with the sleeves of his black sweater.

"I-I don't understand. I don't understand, Phil." He said as I watched him almost break down. "I don't understand what is going on in here!" He screamed as he placed his hand over his heart. His head hit my chest, his hands tightly gripping my t shirt. I hugged him tight, never wishing to let go of him. I couldn't remember the last time I had been this gentle and tentative with someone. He made me a better person. His head rested in the crook of my neck as I gently caressed his back. I felt the muscles in his body gradually relax, until he almost looked like he was asleep. He really was.

_You fell asleep on me! _

I didn't want to wake him up, so I gently swept him off the ground and carried him back to my car.

_You're coming with me tonight, love. _

* * *

_You're always hoping that we make it_

_You always want to keep my gaze_

_Well you're the only one I see_

_And that's the one thing that won't change_

_And with this love song to you_

_It's not a momentary phase_

_You are my life, I don't deserve you_

_But you love me just the same_

_And as the mirror says we're older_

_I will not look the other way_

_You are my life, my love, my only_

_And that's the one thing that won't change_

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**

**And by the way, yes Dan is the small, fragile one here. *Let's pretend his is shorter than Phil***

**Here is the song that accompanied me while I wrote this chapter: watch?v=bDrflxhW7nE&list=PLebIMUl1Q54pvfpluADLSqkjehbgCsfuJ&index=1**

**Please leave a review!**

**And yes I know I was a little dramatic, but oh well.**

**And don't worry, everything you're questioning about the storyline of this fic is going to be explained in the future chapters!**


	11. Softly and sweetly

**Guys I'm sorry I couldn't upload this chapter earlier, but I had this problem with accessing "Manage Stories" for a day or two, the site kept telling me that I "Timed out" and other things.**

**Anyway, here it is! Enjoy and please leave a review! *And by the way, I am very sorry for any grammar mistakes that I made, English isn't my main language***

* * *

Chapter 12:

Phil's POV:

I carried him to my car, careful to not wake him up. He looked so fragile and small, all curled up to my chest, his eyes closed, dark lashes falling gently on his cheeks. _God, do I want to kiss him right now…_

I passed the guardian who was leaning lazily on his white plastic chair, pretending to give a shit about the cars that went in and out of the parking lot and stopped mine in front of the apartment complex. I got out of the vehicle and went to the passenger's door. When I opened it, Dan's eyes slowly opened. He smiled sleepily and allowed me to carry him to my home. I closed the door with my foot and made my way to the building's entrance.

I laid him in my bed and sat next to him. I watched as he peacefully slept, covered in my sheets. I looked at him and saw just how beautiful he was, long locks brushing his forehead. He was beautiful, perfect. He was mine sometimes; he gave himself to me in the rare moments when he forgot that I was still a complete stranger. He was wonderful when he belonged to me, when my shaky heart found its place next to his love.

Sometimes I forgot that I wrote stuff like poems and stories. And now that he was next to me, I had the perfect opportunity to set my mind free on a piece of paper. I picked my pen with black ink and my journal from the desk facing my bed and wrote.

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors?_

_Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb_

_Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold_

_Until you find it there and lead it back home._

_All this time I can't believe I couldn't see_

_Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me_

_I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems_

_Got to open my eyes to everything_

_Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul_

_Don't let me die here_

_There must be something more…_

_Wake me up inside_

_Call my name and save me from the dark_

_Bid my blood to run_

_Before I come undone_

_Save me from the nothing I've become._

_Woah Phil, since when did you become so dramatic? _I sighed and put the pen down, my head turning to face the boy next to me. I lay next to him and tried to fall asleep.

I woke up with the morning sun shining straight into my eyes. I turned on my other side, only to see a mess of white sheets on top of a sleeping body. I felt a smile creep on my lips as I watched the pile of fabrics slowly rising and lowering as the boy underneath them wandered in the land of dreams. _I wonder if he is dreaming about me…_

With a raspy groan Dan's face suddenly appeared from the sheets as he span around so he was now sleeping on his belly. From where I sat, head resting in the crook of my left arm on the bed, I let my eyes lazily trace down the contours of Dan's face and I mused that his features were all very elegantly defined, almost feminine in a way. If it wasn't for the faint outline of fine stubble, it might have been hard to distinguish whether he was actually a guy or a girl. You could hardly even call it stubble either… it was that light and soft… Either way, Dan was quite pretty, beautiful, which were weird words to describe a guy… but… it was kind of true. The longer hair he sported did nothing to help him look more masculine. Even his hands were femininely elegant, with long tapered fingers and short, well-manicured nails. And he had very delicately shaped eyes; I thought sleepily, sort of round and pretty – like a girl's. His eyelashes lay so gracefully against the golden skin under his eyes - all dark and slightly feathered. I had an idle wondering of what they would feel like to touch; soft and silky or deceptively brittle like my own?

_Really now, you should wake up, _I thought after about an hour of staring at him. I pulled the sheets from him and he groaned pulling them back. I pulled harder until I was almost dragging him across the bed. He didn't let go, even if he was sleeping, and kept pulling them from me as if he was holding for dear life.

"Dan." I said, but he didn't flinch. I flicked him on his forehead, but there was no sign that he was waking up. When I tickled his exposed belly a loud laugh erupted from his lips. He opened his brown eyes as he tried to cover his stomach with his hands and he tried to fight my tickling, but he had no chance. I continued with my teasing until I suddenly found myself hovering over him.

"Damn…" I let my stupid mouth say as I looked at Dan's parted lips. He was so beautiful, all spread underneath me. He was all mine now. He looked at me with his dark caramel eyes that I loved so much, and I found a spark of desire reflecting in them. I slowly leaned in and let my fingers cup his chin. He looked up to me as I pressed closer to him, trapping him between my sold frame and the mattress. _Be gentle with him…_

I leaned closer and closer until my forehead pressed against his, our noses almost touching. At this close range, I noticed his eyes weren't simply brown; in the midst of that intense color they were flecked with bronze and gold. It occurred to me that I really shouldn't be staring at him, but I found I couldn't actually bring myself to look away, either; My breath caught in my throat as I realized that he was no longer studying me, checking that I was OK, but looking straight back at me in a way that exactly mirrored my sudden hunger; without even thinking about what I was doing, on a hasty impulse that I couldn't resist and with his warm breath on my lips, I leaned over and kissed him.

Dan's POV:

He hovered over me, his black locks tingling on my forehead. He leaned closer and closer and my heart raced so hard it threatened to rip my chest apart. His blue eyes were sparkling with desire, covering me with a feel of pure lust. His lips gently met with mine when he kissed me, a mix of emotions dancing a tango in my mind. His mouth felt so familiar, so delicious, and so tender on mine. I gave in and reached up to tangle my hands in his hair, losing myself in the pleasure of his kiss. He didn't kiss hard, but with a tender gentleness that somehow contained within it an almost overwhelming passion, and the effect it had on me was intoxicating. He slipped a hand to the small of my back and pulled me close, the warmth of his body inviting me closer as I surrendered to his arms. And to my surprise, I didn't pull back.

I melted into his warm embrace, kissing him back tenderly as the blanket feel away from us when we got up from the askew position. I slid my arms up his chest, the silk of his shirt whispering against my palms like a long lost lover saying hello. Sliding past his collar, I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to get as close as possible. He started to spread fire down my neck and shoulders with his warm mouth, making a moan escape my lips.

After what seemed like ages, Phil pulled back, panting heavily, leaving me cold and alone. His eyes traced my face before settling on my mouth again. He kissed me again, softly and sweetly, just a peck really.

I looked him up and down and said with unsteady words, "Good morning to you too."


	12. The most goddamn beautiful thing

Chapter 13:

If love was a mountain

I'd climb up to the highest of them all

I'd swim across the ocean if you'd call

I'm lost in your smile, freefalling for miles

Dan's POV:

"Good morning to you too." I said with unsteady words. As I looked him up and down, I felt a blush creep on my cheeks at the sight of him with his dark hair ruffled, panting heavily. His eyes were so bright; his lips so red, he looked like a little child. He cupped my cheek with his hand, giving me one of the happiest, most beautiful smiles I'd have ever seen. A wave of intense love for the young man next to me hit me so hard in the chest I could barely breathe. _Wait. What? Love? _

He wanted to get out of bed until I found myself grabbing him by the wrist, pulling him back.

I opened my mouth but no words came out.

"I…um…" I tried saying but the only thing I did was to embarrass myself. He turned round to face me, his hand still in mine. Phil tilted his head slightly to the side with a questionable look on his face, his eyes locking on me. I started to feel uncomfortable and felt my palms sweating. I looked down, trying to hide my burning cheeks from him.

"What's wrong, Dan?" he asked as he studied me closer, his blue eyes trying to get a glimpse of mine.

"It's just that I…" I tried again, removing my grip from his hand. From where I sat, legs crossed on the silky smooth sheets of Phil's bed, I could feel the tension building up. And I tried to break it. I scooted closer to Phil and placed my hand on his shoulders, trying to decrease the distance between us. And with just one move I pushed him, making him land on his back, and pinned him down on the bed. I wasn't sure what exactly I was trying to do, but I climbed on him, my thighs framing his torso. He didn't oppose me, just stood there and watched all of my moves. I looked him in the eyes, and felt how my heart hit the inside of my chest. I don't think he realized how easy was to fall into the ocean that was his eyes. He placed his hands on my hips and I crushed my lips onto his.

"Dan." Phil's even, soothing tones finally broke on the short gasp of my name. And right there, I was more conscious of Phil than I had ever been of anything or anyone else in my life, of the faint shine of blue beneath his half-closed lids, of the shadow of light stubble across his jaw where he hadn't shaved, of faint white scars that dotted the skin of his shoulders and throat- and more than anything else of his mouth, the crescent shape of it, the slight dent in the center of his bottom lip. When I leaned toward him and brushed my lips across his, he reached for me as if he would otherwise drown.

For a moment our mouths pressed hotly together, Phil's free hand dangling in my hair. I put one of my hands lightly on his neck; his skin was burning hot to the touch. Through the thin material of his shirt, I could feel the muscles of his shoulders, hard and smooth.

"You kiss me like I am the most goddamn beautiful thing you had ever seen." He whispered when I pulled my lips away and hovered an inch from his face. _If you only knew…_

He captured my mouth again, with a hungry, mindlessly and passionately urgency. He lingered, like he was savagely searching for something, absorbing my essence into his every cells. His long, drugging way of kissing was intoxicating. I felt his warm tongue sliding between my parted lips as he stroked my mouth to ecstasy. His tongue found mine; dancing the most seductive tango I had ever seen. He provocatively brushed his hand on my hips making me gasp and I could feel his bittersweet fervor warming my mouth, as his delicious, plump lips continued to devastate mine. I unbuttoned his silk shirt and started a delirious exploration of his velvet, warm as honey skin. I continued down the muscles of his chest, the tightness of his abdomen. I smiled at the desperate rhythm of his breath and as I gave to go lower, he grabbed me by the hips and pulled me back. I didn't have time to object because his parted, pulsing with the inflow of warm, sensual blood, lips captured mine and his tongue slipped back between my lips as it made sweeping, seductive swirls inside my mouth. His mouth was richer than Godiva chocolate.

Suddenly, a beeping noise disturbed the explicit "come-and-get-me" time. He gently pulled away from me, only to decline the call from his phone and throw it somewhere on the ground. With a smile, his beautiful, swollen lips invited me back to their warmth. When he gave to connect our mouths again, the beeping started again.

"You better get it." I said, regretting it a few milliseconds after. I untangled my fingers from his hair as he sighed, getting out of bed.

He gave me a cheeky look, signaling that he was going to come back shortly, when he exited the double doors of his bedroom.

When he left me alone in his King Size bed, I had the time to ponder over what I should do next.

"Are you fucking stupid!" I heard him yell from somewhere behind the doors. "No! Tell him to do it! I don't care!" he continued. I was getting worried so I pulled the smooth sheet over my shoulder and walked to the cheery wooden doors. When I opened them, Phil didn't look as deeply passionate as he looked not longer than one minute ago.

"Wait a second." He said, lowering his phone and looking at me. "I have to go." He told me.

"Why?" I asked him, as I placed a hand on his chest. He cupped my chin with his fingers and made me look up, kissing me on the forehead.

"Don't worry, love. I'll be back shortly." He said as he left, leaving me cold and alone in his house.


	13. You can't save him anymore

**_THIS WAS REALLY LONG SO I SPLIT IT IN TWO CHAPTERS. enjoy._**

* * *

_Because I don't want to lose you now_

_I'm looking right at the other half of me_

_The vacancy that sat in my heart_

_Is a space that now you hold_

_Show me how to fight for now_

_And I'll tell you baby, it was easy_

_Coming back into you once I figured it out_

_You were right here all along_

_It's like you're my mirror_

_My mirror staring back at me_

_I couldn't get any bigger_

_With anyone else besides of me_

_And now it's clear as this promise_

_That we're making two reflections into one_

_Because it's like you're my mirror_

_My mirror staring back at me._

Chapter 14:

**~FLASHBACK; WHAT HAPPENED IN TWO WEEKS AFTER THE BREAKFAST-DATE/ ch 8-9~**

Phil's POV:

When I arrived back home from the day that I spent with Dan, I decided that I got to do something if I really wanted to keep him as safe as possible. I kicked my shoes off and threw my clothes in the dryer, hoping in in the shower and letting the warm water soothe my mind. _Should I try and find where the thugs are hiding? Should I spy on Dan and make sure he isn't in any danger? Should I leave him alone? _

"Ugh." I mumbled as I leaned on the shower's marble wall.

It's was about 1 p.m. when I received a strange phone call. When I picked up the handset the only thing I heard was static.

"Yeah?" I asked, "Who is it?"

"Hello, Mr. Lester." A robotic voice said. "I called to make you an offer."

"Really?" I asked as I sat down on the couch. I fiddled with the telephone's line while I waited for the robot-like man to say what he had to say.

"Check your fax, Mr. Lester. You are going to like this." He giggled. I felt my brow crease as I put down the phone and went to my desk. Next to it was my fax, standing on a coffee table. A page with big letters written on it was being printed and I suddenly felt really nervous. _How does he know my number?_

I snatched the paper from it and narrowed my eyes, thinking I wasn't reading correctly.

_**HELLO.**_

_**WE JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT WE HAVE YOUR BOYFRIEND**_**.**

**WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM UNTIL YOU BRING TO US WHAT WE ASK FOR. DON'T WORRY , HE IS SAFE ALL TIED UP IN OUR BASEMENT.**

**IF YOU DON'T WANT US TO CUT HIS ADAM'S APPLE, BRING US TODAY AT 4 P.M. IN FRONT OF THE CENTRAL POWER STATION IN FRONT OF RIVER GOWANUS, 100.000 $.**

**DON'T MAKE US WAIT, OR ELSE YOU'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN.**

_What the fuck…?_

I crushed the sheet of paper between my hands and felt a boiling rage darkening my mind. I thought that was the day when I was going to murder some people.

I got a suitcase and went to the safe that was hidden under a large painting, with my fists clenched so hard I thought they were going to brake.

"I'd do anything for you." I whispered to myself as I entered the code. When it opened, I threw all the cash in the suitcase, not even thinking how much I was actually taking.

Just for caution, I took the knife that was hidden in a drawer from my desk and put it in its holder, strapping it on my leg. _Really now, I feel like Lara Croft._

When it was about 3, I took the suitcase and headed down to my car, activating the apartment's security alarm in the meantime. The building's janitor gave me a strange look, wondering why I was so tense and dressed all black, carrying a big bag after me. I threw the money in the car's trunk and made my way to Dan's rescue.

* * *

When I arrived at the destination, I quickly realized that I knew this place. It was the so called "Bat cave", an old, rusty building that it once served as a rapidly expanding subway system in the outer boroughs.

It was said that in the early 2000s, a colony of homeless young people settled inside the building, establishing a thriving, peaceable community. At onset, the squat held a positive reputation, kept under the watchful eye of a few individuals who ensured hard drugs and detrimental criminal activities were kept out. After a drunken rooftop incident, authorities were notified and made their first attempt to evict the punk-rock squatters, leaving the colony without its guardians.

Over the next two years, heroin use and overdose grew rampant, and a wave of brutality overwhelmed the "Bat cave". Drug-induced violence culminated in a series of nightmarish events; one homeless man was thrown from a window, another overdosed and was left on the street for law enforcement to find. Frightened community members saw to it that the "Bat cave" colony was ousted indefinitely in 2006.

"_It's no wonder so many lost souls found solace here." _I thought as I looked up. The building's eye-popping top floor certainly felt like a sanctuary. Light rain filtered down from a collapsed ceiling, atomized to a sweeping mist. In a permanent puddle, the arched reflections of the clerestory windows trembled. Pleated ceiling panels once muffled the hum and hiss of a mammoth industrial undertaking, but the effect was more visual now. Interweaving supports shimmered like the facets of a diamond as I moved through the space – it was a crustpunk kaleidoscope that that constituted one of the most desolated sights I'd had ever seen.

I quickly remembered why I was there for and shouted Dan's name through the building's atmosphere of grime and decay. I walked through the gigantic hall until I reached its middle, and there, the only noticeable thing was an old, worn out metallic chair. I placed the suitcase of money on it and waited.

"Here you fucking are, bastards!" I screamed, and the only response that came back to me was my echo. "Come on! Come to me motherfuckers!" I continued and instead of feeling terrified and desperate that some psychopaths tricked me in coming here and they actually planned to kill me, I felt more and more furious and enraged. I didn't care about the money, so I left the suitcase on the chair and made my way deeper into the building, determined to find Dan. I wandered through the hall the was full of prized possessions—a VHS copy of the Nightmare Before Christmas, a dog-eared paperback edition of Hamlet—molding in the damp with shampoo bottles, plastic toys, and stockpiles of hypodermic needles.

I entered a room where the interior had been really ravaged. Old mattresses, fresh garbage, and a homemade toilet pointed to a recent, if not ongoing habitation, but they kind of decorated it, in a way. Stacks of rotting food cartons filled an overturned refrigerator, covered with the husks of long-dead pests, making my stomach turn upside down. The walls were painted with some inscriptions that tended toward the dark and morbid, pointing to a deep resentment for society and obsessions with dying and suicide.

"DAN! Where are you!?" I screamed feeling really directionless. "Where are you?" I asked again, quietly, hoping that he wasn't hurt. I searched through all the building, but there was no sign of him.

I walked back to the main hall, only to find that the bag of money was gone. I ran in the middle of the room, where the metallic chair was. On it was a piece of yellow pepper, with something scribbled on it. I picked it up and read it.

**ARE YOU REALLY THIS STUPID? **

I frowned and turned back, only to feel something hitting me in the head, making me lose contact with reality for a few seconds. It really hurt when I hit the hard ground, because I felt something breaking in my shoulder. I tried regaining my balance and standing back on my feet, but the man placed his foot on my back, thinking he made unable to move. _This isn't going to stop me, _I thought as I grabbed the knife from its holder with my healthy arm. I stabbed him right in the muscles and smiled upon hearing his cry of pain. He took his foot off of me, looking kind of vengeful. He tried reaching for me, but he was now stuck to the ground, he couldn't move anymore. I tried to be faster, but he grabbed me by my ankle, making me trip and land on my front, my breath being cut for a short time. He dragged himself across the ground, climbing on top of me and placing both his hand on my neck. He tried to choke me, but I still had the knife, and I was really determined to use it. I didn't care about the pain that struck through all my body, managing to turn myself such way I was now an inch away from the thug's face. I held my knife tightly and stabbed him again, and again. I could feel rage pumping through all my veins, transforming in devastation and misery when it reached my heart. Only the thought of losing Dan drenched all the sanity from me.

"WHERE IS HE?!" I screamed in the man's face as my knife constantly entered and leaved his body. "WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?!" I shouted again, feeling pitiful, hopeless tears flooding my eyes. When I realized that the man felt like a plastic doll in my hands, his head hanging lifelessly from his neck, I let go of him with a morbid horror devastating my mind. "No, no, no." I said, griping my hair, suddenly aware of what I had just done. "NO. NO. NO!" I screamed and screamed.

* * *

Suddenly, I was pulled backwards, and all the lights went out for me.

I woke up on the same chair, with my hands tied, my legs too. I tried containing the pain that erupted from my shoulder, focusing on what was the most important. My mouth was covered with a white cloth, leaving me unable to speak. _I have to find him. _

I felt two hands griping me from the back, and I almost felt tears streaming down my face from the pain. The man leaned his weight on me, making me scream, but the sound was blocked by the pieces of material. He approached his mouth to my ear, dragging my bloody knife across my cheek:

"You aren't so tough anymore, aren't you?" He laughed. I felt crescents forming in my flesh, blood streaming down on it and landing on my clothes. "You really sliced that guy." He concluded. "Didn't know you were such a brutal murdered." He said, grabbing my chin and twisting my head to his side, so I could look him in the eyes. "He was my best man. But now I can finally meet you." He said, smiling, showing off a pair of yellow, crooked teeth. "I am the man to whom your boyfriend owns lots of money." He said as he unraveled the cloth from my mouth. "And by the way, he isn't here."

"What?" I asked, feeling the rage coming back. "What the fuck did you just say?!" I shouted in his face, feeling actually kind of relieved, happy that Dan wasn't hurt. "I will kill you. Even worse than I killed your slave!"

"Oh boy, you sure do scream a lot." He said, grabbing my hair. "I didn't know you were so close to him, I could've made this so much funnier! Anyway, my other tree men are looking for him right now. Pray he is in good hands, or else he will look just like that piece of meat over there." He told me, pointing to the guy that was laying dead with a slit throat on the ground. "And now, until they find him, you are going to stay here. Right here." He said, patting me on my healthy shoulder.

"I can't wait to see the look on his face when he will realize that you can't save him anymore." He snarled in my ear.


	14. Every atom of my heart

**I know it isn't much of this chapter, but enjoy! :)**

* * *

I know that someday you'll be sleeping, love, likely dreaming off the pain.

I hope you'll hear me in the streetlights humming, softly breathing out your name.

I know that even with the seams stitched tightly, love, scars will remain.

I say we scrape them from each other, love, and let them wash off in the rain.

And when they run into the river, oh no, let the water not complain.

I swear that even with the distance, slowly wearing at your name,

Your hands still catch the light the right way and

Our hearts still beat the same.

Because the moon is a constant and so is the tide

And I constantly wish you had stayed by my side

But the moon only shows in the dead of the night

And sometimes it doesn't form the waves quite right

And the moon's lost so many

And the sea's saved so few

And you were lost to me

When I couldn't save you.

Chapter 15:

**Phil's POV:**

_What if, in another universe, I deserve you?_

_Hear me out. There's this philosopher from the 1890s named William James, and he coined this theory about "the multiverse" which suggests that a hypothetical set of multiple universes comprises everything that can possibly exist simultaneously._

_Are you following? The entirety of space, time, matter and energy is all happening at once in different timelines: It's the idea of parallel universes. Right? So okay, let's presume the multiverse is real._

_Well then, maybe somewhere in those infinite universes is one, or several, where I deserve you._

_Maybe there's a universe out there — happening now — where we end up together and when I close my eyes at night, I'm not dreaming the way a normal person would. Instead I'm seeing flashes of our lives in the multiverse. They're not simple dreams because I miss you, right? They're scientific, anachronistic visions._

_For instance:_

_Maybe there's a universe where there's a life I actually want. Where I don't second guess everything and I'm not afraid of commitment and of the future and of love. Maybe there's a universe without all the noise in my head and the pride that makes me so fiercely independent and the coldness in my heart that I can turn on and off like a security fence._

_Maybe there's a universe where I'm the right person for you. Where I adore every nice thing you did for me without starting to resent you. A universe where you actually end up with someone who appreciates you. Where no one becomes a doormat. Where both of us can shed our baggage and curiosity and issues. A universe where we're happy — without wondering if that happiness is some messed-up Jenga game ready to topple at the slightest quiver. A universe where we're comfortable and sure and we have cats._

_Maybe there's a universe where we fall asleep next to each other every night like spoons, like two innocent bunnies — my face buried in your neck, hugging your warmth — and we both don't want anything or anybody else. Where we don't want more, we just want each other._

_Maybe there's a universe where I am your reason to smile, even if it means I'd have to act like a complete fool. Where I am the one by your side when you're sad, the one who cares for you when the whole world seems to be crumble around you. Rough childhood or bad break-ups, I wish to be the one whom you'd create new memories with. Where I am the one next to you when the sunrise comes and the last one to kiss on the forehead before you go to sleep. Where we watch silly movies and laugh like the world is ours. Where we could walk by the canal in Venice and share a gelato (or two, I know how much you love gelato, so one each ok?). We'd have our crazy adventures and travels around the world._

_But I guess it is what it is. In this universe nothing is easy. I have to fight for you. And if those are the consequences I will not back up. Because I want you. I want you. I want you. I want you where the sun can chase you and find freckles on the rise of your cheeks. I need you where the moon can guide you and lead your sleepless body to me and my lonesome sheets. And damn, since I first saw you, I had this devastating desire for every inch of you, for the smell of your breath on my needing lips, for the taste of you under the cover and for your voice rummaging through every vein in my body…_

_Every atom of my heart loves you right now. Where are you, Dan?_

* * *

I suddenly opened my eyes and felt shaken, locks of my hair sticking to my neck from the sweat. The dizziness invaded my thoughts and my vision was blurred. I felt like I just woke up from a nightmare and the fact that I was still tied up to that metallic chair didn't help me with anything. I had to find a way to get away from there. My eyes wandered over the entire ruin that was the building and they landed on my knife that was about 3 meters away from me._ And he calls me stupid. _I started swinging left and right and finally managed to land on my side. I tried pushing myself with my feet, but they didn't help me with anything. I pushed with my whole body and eventually managed to reach the knife.

When I cut the rope that tied my hands, I felt a wave of relief wash through my body. I cut the one that tied my legs too and sprinted to the entrance of the building. It was dark outside and the only light that made seeing possible was coming from the silver moon. I was happy seeing that my car was still there and I had my keys too.

When I arrived home, I called three of my men and ordered them to find the thugs for me. I felt really exhausted and all I could think of was a good shower and my bed.

_**~Back to present~**_

Dan's POV:

I smiled goodbye to mom as I left my house. I managed to find my way back from Phil's to mine somehow. I still didn't know why or where he had left but I guessed he would call me when everything was sort out. My Vans scuffed along the pavement as I started the walk to a part-time job I had just found. I rummaged around in the backpack over my shoulder, pulling out my Ipod and unwrapping the headphones. The buds were placed into my ears, flicking through the songs until I found a good walking beat.

My vision aimlessly wandered along the road, not taking much notice of my surroundings. The breeze picked up slightly, making me wrap my hoodie better around my body. I turned a corner, taking a short cut I always did across a car park. But I had to take a second glance as my eyes fell on a large black vehicle. One of my headphones was removed as I strolled a little closer. It had to be his car. I recognized part of the number plate.

I spun around on the spot, searching for the tall black-haired guy that made my heart flutter. My disappointment surprised me a little. My gaze flicked to the building that the car park belonged to. It was some sort of gym. I found myself curious, wandering over to the entrance. My hands pressed to the glass door, struggling to open it. Once inside I wrapped my headphones up and placed my music in my backpack. The reception area was large with a number of doors leading off into different parts of the building. The white walls were littered with fitness posters. A woman at the desk smiled at me, a gesture which I reciprocated.

"Can I help you, Mister?"

I turned my head, having to tilt it up a little to see the face of really tall, muscular man. His large frame kind of intimidated me, and I think my nervousness was apparent, as his face soon transformed into a friendly smile.

"I, umm…is Phil here?" I asked hopefully.

He looked at me for a second, his eyes taking in my full appearance. Confusion flashed his features before he spoke.

"Lester?" His deep voice questioned.

I nodded.

"Yeah. He's…" His head turned from side to side. "Come with me."

I followed the man into a massive training room. The smell of testosterone filled my senses. There were numerous people scattered around the space. All of them working out, lifting weights, doing press ups, taking swings at punching bags, and I suddenly felt really ashamed of my weakness. My eyes were drawn to the middle of the hall, a large boxing ring in the center. Worn ropes surrounded the raised fighting platform.

"He's right over there."

He pointed over to a corner. I thanked him, expecting him to walk away but he seemed interested in the situation. I began to walk over the where two guys were stood barefoot on the blue mats. Phil's black locks were instantly recognizable, some small strands stuck to the nape of his sweaty neck. The sleeves of his grey t shirt were rolled up his strong arms. My eyes scanned down his long legs which were covered by dark blue shorts. He kept his back to me as the other man sprung on his feet.

"Again!" Phil's raspy voice shouted.

The guy stood opposite took a swing at the strike pads Phil held out. He easily absorbed the impact, instructing him to make a left hook.

I didn't interrupt. Instead I wandered over to a table again the wall, lifting myself up to sit cross-legged on the surface. I removed the strap of my backpack, placing it beside me. My eyes intently watched the actions carried out before me. Phil's muscles flexed as he continued to take hits to the strike pads on his hands. His back was to me, but the guy who was throwing the punches curiously peered around him in my direction.

A giggle escaped my mouth as Phil hit him round the back of the head with one of the pads.

"Don't take your eyes off your opponent." Phil told him.

He laughed, playfully nudging him in the shoulder.

"Well, what if it's to look at him." He replied, smiling.

Phil swiftly turned to see what he was talking about. A confused frown etched into his sweaty features before he focused on me. His blue eyes sparkled, a grin gracing his face. I gave him a small wave.

"Let's take a break." Phil told the guy who he was training with.

The gloves and strike pads were removed from their hands. Phil bent down to retrieve a water bottle from the floor before strolling over to me.

"Hello, Love."

"Hi."

He stopped in front of me, his height towering above.

"How'd you find me?" He asked enquiringly.

"Oh, I recognized your car outside. I was walking to…my part-time job, before I realized I had some time left." I replied.

A blush crept onto my cheeks as he stared at me. He only had to look at me with those sparkly blue eyes and butterflies erupted in my stomach. I quickly chose to change the subject, not certain how much more of his intense gaze I could handle.

"You're a personal trainer."

"No." He shook his damp locks, smiling.

"No?"

"I'm a boxing trainer."

My eyes widen slightly.

"Wow." I mumbled in disbelief.

He chuckled, gripping the hem of his top and bringing the material up to his forehead. I couldn't help but linger on his stomach as he gave me a nice view of his toned muscles. I had a feeling the action was carried out more for my benefit than his. My suspicions were confirmed, a cheeky smile spread across his plump lips as he brought the clothing back down, his forehead free of glittering droplets. I shyly smiled as he winked at me. Phil took a swing of water from his bottle, his tongue gliding over his lips as he replaced the cap.

"How come you're a boxing trainer?"

His eyes locked on mine, smile dropping slightly. Phil moved around to sit beside me on the table. When he didn't reply, I playfully nudged his shoulder. He lightly chuckled before turning to me.

"The job helps me manage my anger problems." He spoke quietly. "Well, it's supposed to anyway."

We sat talking for a little while longer as Phil cooled down. I noticed a few people glancing at us. Their slightly confused expressions made me question if they had ever seen Phil act this way around a boy before. I knew from rumors and hearsay that his reputation around any kind of people wasn't the best. Phil's raspy voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"You wanna have a go?" He smiled

"Oh…I…"

"Come on." He laughed.

Phil stood up, placing the bottle beside me. His fingers went to the zip of my hoody, pulling it down and ridding me of the clothing. As I managed to undress myself, something I at least could do myself, he entwined his fingers with mine as he led me over to the ring. I watched as Phil climbed onto the edge offering a helping hand, tugging me up after him. The ropes surrounding the ring were held open for me to duck through.

I walked around the surface, wondering how many boxing matches had been held here. My vision quickly drew back to Phil who was grinning as he intently observed me, his body leaning against the ropes.

"Do you fight?" I asked.

Phil shook his head.

"They, err… They told me it was too dangerous for me to fight. That's why I train instead."

I tilted my head to the side, not completely understanding his explanation. He noticed.

"Apparently I punch out of my weight class." Phil paused. "It wouldn't be safe for my opponent."

My mouth made an "o" shape, not being able to respond verbally to him. I had assumed Phil was just angry when he took his aggression out on other males. That's how he was able to use his strength to beat someone who was of a larger build than himself. But I didn't realize it was something he possessed normally, without being provoked or angered. My mind flicked back to that night…

I gripped the ropes surrounding the ring as I slowly walked around the edge, back to Phil. I found myself drawn to his arms, curiosity taking over. My right hand hesitantly reached out to him, my fingers only managing to wrap around part of his toned arm. I could almost feel the strength Phil emitted, the power behind every punch he had given. I couldn't help but feel intimidated by him. Phil's frame was built much larger than mine, his height towering over me. If he ever turned on me I wouldn't stand a chance. Even thought I was a boy, Mother Nature didn't endow me with any kind of physical power. The eerie thought that passed my mind earlier chilled through my body. It was almost as if he had read my mind, his head dipped down to my ear. My forehead rested against the crook of his neck, fingertips pressing into the warm skin as he spoke.

"I would never hurt you." Phil whispered.

I closed my eyes, his words giving me a sense of protection and safety. We were interrupted by someone clearing his throat. My head darted up to see the man who led me to Phil earlier. He had a smug grin plastered on his face before Phil told him not-so-politely to go away. He laughed before strolling off towards the door.

* * *

"Have you ever done anything like this before?" Phil asked.

He helped me in putting on the gloves as he spoke.

"No, but I feel tougher already."

Phil laughed at my comment.

"Don't. I really like your delicacy."

I didn't say anything, but the sudden blush that crept onto his cheeks and the look of "_Oh crap I shouldn't have said that_" made me smile.

I playfully hit him in the shoulder with my right boxing glove. He pretended to wince, rubbing over the area with his hand. A small giggle escaped my lips as I nudged him to stop. Phil moved to stand directly in front of me.

"Right, so this is a simple defense. You bring your forearms up like this to deflect a punch. It's called a block."

I watched as Phil drew his arms together, bringing them up to protect himself.

"Like this?"

I attempted to copy him.

"Yeah, but try not to raise them too high. Otherwise you risk exposing your middle."

He playfully poked me in the stomach to prove his point. I laughed as Phil moved to stand behind me. I was vaguely aware we were being watched by multiple pairs of eyes from around the hall, but my focus stayed with Phil. My back lightly touched his chest as he brought a strong pair of arms round to my front. His large hands gripped my elbows, repositioning the lower.

"That's it."

* * *

Blake's POV:

A few of the guys watched on as Phil continued to teach the boy how to block. It was weird; none of us had really seen him like this before, even more with a guy. He was being cautious, perhaps overly so as he grinned at him. He flicked his head, attempting to rid his vision of the hair that fell on his eyes. Phil's laugh echoed before he reached forward to him, tucking the loose, almost shoulder-length locks behind his ear.

"Is that him?"

I turned to see Danny, his expression questioning as he nodded towards them.

"The boy? Umm…Dan?"

"I think so."

"Did you know?" He asked.

"Know what?"

"That he likes boys?"

"Yeah. He is actually bi."

Danny nodded.

When asked if Phil was seeing someone, he would normally laugh, shaking his head. He was never really one for serious relationships. To be honest, I don't think I'd ever seen him in anything vaguely considered a relationship. But when asked the question a couple of days ago he reacted differently. He became stern, a little defensive, obviously the thought of someone in particular crossing his mind. The only information revealed was his name and even that he was protective over him. Dan.

We stood and watched. They were playful with each other. I had never seen Phil look so happy; his eyes constantly trained on his as he swung a right hook to his hand.

Phil was always the one to pull first when we went out to a bar. I guess the ladies were drawn to his dark demeanor. The bad boy image he emitted proved to be an alluring attribute when attracting the opposite sex. But never the same one.

I curiously sat back against the wall, taking a sip from my bottle of water. Danny went back to his training as I watched them interact further. Dan definitely wasn't Phil's usual type, even when considering males, and it made me wonder where they met. How two people so different could be completely captivated by each other? They shouldn't be compatible.

The only way I could describe the relationship in front of me, was darkness and the light.

Phil leant down, whispering something into the boy's ear. His face flushed slightly, looking to the floor of the ring. Phil chuckled before placing a kiss to his cheek. He retailed by lightly punching him in the stomach. He managed to dart his arms out at the very last seconds as Dan jumped up to him. His hands cupped his thighs but the action must have caught him off guard as they went tumbling backwards.

* * *

Dan's POV:

Phil stumbled back, falling with me on top of him. I giggled, apologizing as he let out a groan, his eyes squeezed shut. My body wiggled before he caught hold of my forearms.

"Hold still." He laughed.

His long fingers fumbled to remove my gloves. Once they were off I gripped his wrists, pinning him to the ring floor. Blue eyes sparkled up at me, a smirk crossing his full pink lips.

"I surrender." He joked.

My fingers pressed into his warm skin.

"Do I win?"

His smiled faded slightly. The intensity of his gaze made me feel weak. A certain darkness could be felt as he focused on me alone.

"You win." He whispered.

But we were soon broken out of our own little world. My cheeks blushed slightly as I looked to the side. I was still on top of Phil. A knee either side of his waist. I had forgotten we were in the middle of a gym, the ring in the center on the floor attracting numerous pairs of eyes as I pinned Phil.

"Oi, Oi!" A guy cheered. "Get in, Lester!"

"That's it." Phil abruptly spoke.

I let out a small shriek as he rolled me off him. He stood, bending down before gripping my hips and lifting me over his shoulder.

* * *

"I'm just going to shower and change. Won't be long." Phil spoke before kissing the top of my head.

I had stayed and watched him train until the session ended. The hall was nearly empty as equipment was packed away. Phil obviously enjoyed his job. But I had a feeling he longed to be the one in the ring, instead of watching from the side lines. But I wasn't surprised they didn't allow him to fight. Just the thought of what his opponent would look like at the end of their boxing match brought goose bump to my skin.

I watched as he turned away for a second. But it startled me as he quickly spun again. Phil's body backed me up against the wall. Big blue eyes sparkled as large hands held my hips. Hot breath puffed over me, dark locks tickling my cheek as plump lips moved to my ear.

"That's if you don't want to come and help me." He whispered seductively.

His raspy voice sent shivers through my body. I struggled to compose myself. Phil always left me a little flustered. I giggled as his nose brushed my neck, my hands batting him away.

"Alright, alright. Wait for me, Love." Phil laughed.

* * *

Phil's POV:

I hauled my bag onto my shoulder, checking I had everything before making my way out of the changing rooms. Dan was right where I left him but Blake was now sat next to him. They didn't notice as I stood leaning in the darkened door frame. They were talking; Blake swigging water from his bottle. I watched as Dan brought his hand up to his mouth, trying to stifle a giggle at something Blake had said. My jaw tensed at their interaction. I didn't like it. Dan was only mine.

He smiled shyly at him, cheeks blushing slightly. My bag dropped with a thud to the floor, both of them sharply turning their head towards me. But I noticed neither of them made an effort to move away from each other. I strolled over to where they sat. Dan smiled up at me, but my attention turned to Blake.

"Alright, mate?"

I gave him a tight nod.

"Dan, we're going." I told him.

He didn't argue, lifting the strap of his backpack over his shoulder. Blake swiftly stood up by the side of me. When his hand reached out to help him up I couldn't stop my fists from clenching. I desperately tried to keep calm for Dan's sake.

"I've got him." I spoke sternly.

Blake frowned in confusion but withdrew his hand anyway.

"Phil?" Dan questioned.

I gripped his smaller hand in mine, tugging him to my side. He barely had enough time to say goodbye to him before I had guided him over to the door, swiftly picking up my bag and leaving. We walked at a fast pace across the tarmac to my car. The night was drawing in rapidly, street lights beginning to flicker on.

"Phil what's wrong?"

I felt Dan tug on my hand, attempting to get me to stop. My heavy duffle bag slid from my shoulder to the ground. He let out a surprised gasp as I gripped his hips, lifting him up onto the bonnet of my car. He was surprisingly easy for a boy. He felt like a girl in my hands. Dan's legs hung off the edge, my body moving in between his thighs. Removing his bag, it was placed on top of my larger one. I caught hold of his wrist, bringing it up to my mouth. My lips pressed wet kisses to the soft underside. His breath became a little sharper with my touch. My gaze hardened on him.

"Do you like him?" I asked between kissed.

"W-What? Who?"

I smirked, knowing my actions were jumbling his thoughts. My body moved closer, free hand resting on the top of his leg. I slowly ran my touch up and down his thigh, squeezing every so often.

"Blake. Do you like him?"

I nudged the sleeve of his hoody up higher, allowing me more access for my lips to trail up the inside of his forearm. Dan's long, girly lashes were fluttering with the intimate attention he was receiving.

"Yeah, he's sweet." He spoke.

Anger washed over me. I gripped his thigh tightly, keeping him on the bonnet. My mouth pressed hard to his skin, sucking harshly at his words. My eyes stayed locked on his, Dan's lips parting in surprise and discomfort. He whimpered trying to break his arm free but I tightly held it to my mouth.

"Phil." He winced.

I released his arm seconds later. His fingers brushed over the red mark and he grimaced over the sore skin. Dan raised his head looking questioningly at me, not sure why he deserved such a harsh response. I felt my jaw clench as I leant into him. Smaller hands were placed on my shoulders but his attempts to keep me away proved unsuccessful. My lips brushed his neck before I spoke.

"Do you want him to kiss you?" I whispered. "Take you to his bed?"

He gripped my hand still holding him thigh, prying my fingers from him.

"Let me down." He huffed, moving his hand to press to my chest.

He slipped from the bonnet as I took a step back. I looked down at him, Dan's face expressing annoyance. It surprised me when he pushed me up against the side of the car.

"Ugh, God. You're so possessive and you overreact, Phil." Annoyance hinting in his voice.

I watched as he huffed, stomping away from the car across the tarmac. My jaw clenched, feet moving after him and round the back of the vehicle. The boot was unlocked, carelessly chucking our bags in. I slammed It shut before swiftly walking in Dan's direction. Once I reached his smaller frame, my fingers wrapped around his wrist, tugging him to me. I smirked, holding his body to mine. A sigh fell from my lips with the feeling of his back pressed to my chest. Dan squirmed slightly as I dipped my head down to his ear.

"He could never make you feel as good as I do." I whispered.

My lips made contact with the skin just below his ear, sucking gently. I loved to pleasure him. The feeling I received whilst watching him writhe with my touch was something indescribable. I wanted to hear him gasp and whimper. But I wasn't getting the reaction I desire to see this time. Even when I nipped at the warmth of his neck, Dan still remained stationary, refusing to give in to me. His resistance towards me made me chuckle.

"Let's see how long you can hold out, shall we?" I challenged quietly.

My tongue licked a hot stipe up his neck before my arm knocked his legs out from under him. Dan's wide mahogany eyes made contact with mine. My arms held him to my chest and I winked at him before walking over to the car. The back door of the vehicle was tugged open. I placed Dan down onto the dark leather. He reluctantly shuffled away with my close proximity as I climbed in, shutting the door behind me. I laughed, gripping his ankles, tugging him into me, Dan's body laid back on the seating. My hands rummaged in the bag of clothes I kept in the back of my car before tugging out a thick jumper. I folded it, Dan's body tensing as I leaned over him. I gently lifted his head up, placing the clothing under.

"I want you to watch." I whispered.

It surprised me how well he was doing so far. Dan's defiance not faltering for a second. But then again, I hadn't really started yet. My hands pushed his legs up so his knees were bent, allowing me to rest in between them.

"I know you like this."

I started to kiss down his neck, taking time to gently suck every now and then.

"Bet he wouldn't know you have a sweet spot just here." I whispered, before nibbling on to the small are where his neck met his jaw.

I drew back smiling, his eyes were obviously closed as I carried out the lingering actions of my lips. But they flew open just in time to meet mine. He made himself appear uninterested, bravely holding my eye contact. His chestnut orbs widened slightly as I brought his hand up to my mouth, pressing my lips to the back. I fiddled with his fingers before sliding them into my hair. Dan knew if he made any attempt to play with the locks, I would win. I also knew he was dying to fist my locks between but he remained stubborn. I found out that this was one of his pleasures when I first kissed him. I liked this game.

"I'll make you forget about him, Baby" I mumbled.

He intently watched me unzip his hoody to reveal his t-shirt underneath. The bottom of Dan's top was nudged up to uncover his smooth stomach. The softness of his skin was one of the many features I loved about him. I don't know why but it reminded me of how innocent he was. My head dipped, lips barely touching over the expanse of his middle. Delicate kisses were pressed to him, but the only response I received was a slight increase in breath. I smiled when my nose grazed just above his belly button, Dan subtly flinching, fingers lightly twitching in my locks.

I raised my head smirking at him. His face stayed emotionless as I moved forward to lean over him. Dan's hand slipped to the back of my neck. I placed my weight on one arm to the left of his head. My free hand hovered over his chest before my index hooked into the neck of his top. I slowly dragged the material down lower, revealing more of his soft skin. My tongue wetted my lips as I stared down at him. He was so goddamn beautiful. Dan still stayed frozen looking up at me. I smiled, fiddling with the pendent around his neck. My teeth caught hold of the chain, playfully tugging at it before it fell to his chest.

"Mmm, you smell good." I moaned as I dipped my head.

My tongue darted out, leaving wet spots all over his chest. It was when I bit the cool dots that his fingers slid back into my hair, tightly fisting my locks between his fingers. The beautiful sound of his gasping filled the quiet backseat. I'd won. Smiling, my face nuzzled into the crook of his neck. I playfully growled, lightly biting at his skin. His body flinched when my hand skimmed down his front, grazing his chest and over his stomach. The hold in my hair tightened as I attempted to pop the button of his jeans.

"Phil." He breathily spoke.

I didn't stop until my head was tugged up.

"We were talking about you…I asked Blake about you."

I stared at him for a second, taking time to absorb and process his words. My mouth opened to say something but closed moments later as I remained speechless.

"I don't want him." He protested.

Dan surprised me with his dominating actions. I lowly moaned as he pulled me up by my hair; my face level with his.

"It's only you." He whispered.

I smiled, resting my forehead on his, inhaling his trembling breath. Our lips continually brushed but we didn't kiss. Dan's words were something I'd never heard before. Despite the amount of persons I'd been with, not one had told me I was their only one. My fingers entwined with his free hand, squeezing gently. When our lips did finally meet in a kiss my heart was thumping heavily against my chest.

I didn't want anyone else, it was only Dan.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed! Please leave a review, they make me smile! :)**


	15. I am not scared

Everybody needs inspiration, everybody needs a soul

A beautiful melody when the night's so long

Cause there is no guarantee that this life is easy

When my world is falling apart, when there's no light to break up the dark

That's when I,

I look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore and I can't find my way home anymore

That's when I,

I look at you.

Chapter 16:

Dan's POV:

I couldn't help but giggle against Phil's lips as he groaned, the ringing of his phone echoing around the quiet car.

"Phil." I mumbled.

He didn't respond, his mouth continuing to leave wet kisses to mine. My fingers pressed into his shoulders, attempting to nudge him away, but instead of complying he lowered himself further into me. I rolled my head to the side laughing. Soft lips trailed down my neck as I traced my fingertips down Phil's back. He chuckled as I felt over his bum for the phone in his back pocket. I pulled it out, handing it to him. He playfully huffed, taking It from me. I smiled, pushing some of his locks as he stared down at me.

"Answer it". I whispered.

His face changed slightly at the voice on the other end of the line. Phil tilted the phone away from his mouth before he spoke.

"I need to take this." He whispered.

"Ok." I smiled.

I kissed his cheek before he shuffled to remove himself from me. My head tilted to the side in curiosity as I strained to hear the faint "Is that him, is it Dan?" question from the phone he clasped tightly in his large hand. I assumed Phil's awkward cough was to try and cover the quiet voice. The person knew about me? I had a feeling Phil hadn't told many people about me or our relationship. It was all part of his possessive, protective thing. But this person was informed well enough to know it was me with him. Phil must trust them.

His long body quickly stumbled from the door he had just opened, leaving me lying, slightly confused, on the back seat. I sat up, wiggling over to the exit Phil had just taken. My feet made contact with the tarmac as I jumped down. I watched Phil pace with the phone to his ear.

"No, we weren't _doing_ anything." He mumbled, his cheeks lightly tinted in pink.

I had never really seen Phil look uncomfortable before, the slight blush on his face made him appear younger. He looked adorable, a side I rarely got to see. I couldn't help but smile. His head snapped to me as I shut the back door to his car. He seemed a little worried. But I gave him a reassuring smile, his body relaxing somewhat as I moved to the passenger door and climbed into the front. I watched him out the windscreen before fiddling with the radio, my head leaning back as I closed my eyes and listened to Muse.

Minutes later the driver's door was opened. I turned my head as Phil climbed in.

"Everything alright?"

He hummed in response, long fingers running through his dark hair.

"I guess I'm taking you home, no? You skipped your first day at work anyway." He looked a little guilty.

"That's fine. I wasn't so anxious to start it. My friend called this morning and she's coming to spend the night with me anyway."

He seemed satisfied as I smiled.

"Good."

The engine roared to life as I buckled in.

* * *

The car stopped the opposite side of the road to my house. The lights were off, my dad wasn't home yet. I thought that maybe he took mom to another routine check at the nearby hospital, but he was never that sober. I turned to Phil who was curiously peering at me. I undid my belt, noticing his was already off. The music from the radio was still quietly playing. But I didn't take much notice as Phil took his plump lip between his teeth. When it was released his tongue glided out. A habit I found endearing.

"I guess this is…goodbye? For now?" I shyly asked as I gave him a small smile.

I slowly moved forward, placing my hand on his thigh for support and leaning into him. The warmth he radiated seemed to tingle throughout my body. I moved closer to kiss him on the cheek but he swiftly turned his head, connecting our lips, capturing my mouth with a hungry urgency. He cupped my cheek and even though his kisses and touches were designed to be hard, wild…he handled me with such gentleness, such delicious and soft care. How could I not fall for him?

It felt like we couldn't get enough of each other. When he pulled away, a smirk gracing his face, I felt cold and I was becoming increasingly aware of my deepening feelings towards him, the more time we spent together. It seemed only seconds and he was opening my door, helping me down. He retrieved my bag from the boot, taking my hand and crossing the road. We walked together up to my house, Phil bending down slightly to kiss my forehead. He seemed a little rushed as he said goodbye, making a beeline for his car. It made me even more curious as to who he had been talking to on the phone and where he was so keen to attend. With my keys hanging in the lock, I turned to see him just about to open the car door.

"Phil!" I called out to him.

He swiftly spun on the spot, stunning blue eyes instantly locking with mine. He waited for me to continue.

"I find it incredibly hot that you're a boxing trainer." I smiled, biting my lip.

He deeply laughed before proceeding to flex his toned muscles for me. I playfully fanned my face, pretending to swoon. But I stood staring at him as he neared closer, his determined walk carrying him up my path. In seconds Phil was stood directly in front of me, our proximity almost non-existent. My mouth parted as I gasped. Strong forearms were placed under my thighs as he lifted me effortlessly, my legs wrapping around his waist. The smug look he wore matched the satisfied smirk. I was growing more accustomed to Phil's sudden gestures of sweeping me off my feet, his dominant action proving not always to be a bad thing. Blue orbs sparkled as I smiled. My back pressed against the wall to the left of the front door. Phil easily held me in place, lips forcefully connecting to mine. The kiss was messy, a desperate attempt to feel each other, his tongue parting my lips as he invaded my mouth. A deep moan vibrated between us, my fingers tugging at his hair. My hands settled on the back of his neck as he withdrew his presence from me.

"I really have to go." He mumbled breathlessly.

Our noses brushed as he spoke. I smiled, pressing a small kiss to his cheek. My fingers still clasped around his neck as I slipped from his hold, my feet touching the floor. My fingers gripped his hands.

"Go." I whispered.

Phil leaned down placing a lingering kiss to my slightly swollen lips.

"I'll see you soon, Baby."

My body felt cold as his long fingers slipped from mine. I watched him cross the road and climb into the driver's side of the large vehicle before he drove away.

* * *

I had waited up for a couple of hours for Clara to arrive, until I received her message. She said that she forgot about babysitting the neighbor's kid. So when it got to eleven I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. My grey tabby was keeping me company as I lazily stroked over his soft fur. Tom stretched out over my stomach, his gentle pouring relaxing, my fingers scratching him behind the ears.

I reluctantly rose from bed, quickly brushing my teeth before climbing back into the duvet.

"Let's go to bed, Tom." I whispered.

He seemed to be in agreement, settling down beside me and falling asleep, my fingers switching off the bedside light. I had closed my eyes for what felt like a couple of seconds when my phone buzzed. A groan released from my lips before I patted the surface from my right. The screen was bright, my eyes squinting as I held the phone above my face.

From: Clara

"Fancy a catch up tomorrow? XoX"

I smiled before replying, deciding we should meet up at the local coffee shop. I wasn't too keen on hot drinks but they made a mean fruit smoothie. Dean and Casey would be joining us and I realized how much I had missed my friends. A lot happened since I had last spoken to them. I'd been so wrapped up in Phil that I hadn't even told them I was now his boyfriend. I had a feeling they would be curious about our situation. We had become very close. They knew nothing about that night, or the first one, and that was something I would keep between Phil and myself.

It was almost as if Phil knew my mind had been commandeered by thoughts of him. I smiled reading the text that had just come through on my phone.

From: Phil

"Goodnight, Love. X"

His simple words made me smile. And that night my dreams were solely of a breath-taking dark haired boy.

* * *

I twirled my straw in the fruity drink as I listened to my friends talk, my mind on other things. When I looked up, Clara's head was tilted, a lock of blonde hair falling between her eyes, with her eyes inquisitively trained on my face. I gave her a questioning look before she spoke.

"So how far have you gone with Phil?"

My eyes widened in surprise as I coughed awkwardly. I darted my vision around to the other table in the coffee shop, desperately hoping no-one was eavesdropping on our now very personal conversation, my cheeks flushing a deep shade of red, although I knew he hadn't done anything but kiss, maybe make-out.

"You don't have to answer, I'm just curious." She continued.

By this time, Casey and Dean were now intently waiting for my reply. Casey's straw was held in her mouth as she noisily sucked up her drink. The off-putting sound distracted me for a second.

"Umm." I glanced at their faces. "We hadn't really done anything…sexual."

"But I bet you made out, right?" Dean asked enthusiastically.

"Y-Yeah…" I stuttered. The subject hadn't really been approached before, so I felt kind of embarrassed.

"Dan, you didn't even show us a picture of him! How old is he? Is he rich?" The girls started asking me.

"Girls, please, don't push the boy!" Dean defended me. "Have you done anything for him?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Ugh. No! I didn't!"

"But has he asked you about it?" He continued.

I shook my head. Not once Phil encouraged me to perform anything orally on him. Maybe he didn't want to pressure me.

"Maybe you should have a go. I think he is experienced and that way he can tell you how to do it and what he likes."

It seemed simple enough, but the thought of actually carrying out the act made me anxious. It seemed like it was always Phil that initiated anything sexual between us, always the dominant. How would I even approach the subject? I pondered over the idea for a second remembering that Phil wasn't exactly shy when it came to these sorts of intimate topics. I was pretty sure he wouldn't mind me expressing my curiosity.

"But it's Phil." I blushed.

"All the more reason." Dean laughed.

* * *

My parents were still at the hospital, and I was alone once again. A number of books were strewn across my duvet as I deliberate which one to start reading first. After my eye-opening catch up with my friends, I had spent the afternoon in the large book shop in town. Settling down into one of the comfortable chair and picking out some interesting reads. I grabbed the smooth dark cover of one of the larger book, stacking up the other novels to the side of my bed. I was slowly adding to a rather large collection.

My mind became absorbed with the words on the page. So much so, I hadn't heard my door open. My body was laid out on my mattress, book intently held close to my face as I drank the captivating story. The movement on my bed startled me slightly. But I knew exactly who it was. He deeply chuckles, running large, warm hands up my legs as he crawled closer to me. I still held my book up, trying to fight the smile spreading on my lips.

"Are you ignoring me?" His raspy voice sounded.

An index finger hooked the top of the book, slowly pulling it down. An unruly ornament of dark hair appeared, followed by a pair of sparkling blue eyes.

"How could I ignore you?" I teased.

Phil grinned.

"Hello, Love."

Lips came down to mine, leaving a soft kiss to my mouth. But his expression transformed seconds later, his cheeky smile disappearing as he observed me.

"You know, you should really lock your front door." He frowned slightly.

"I-I didn't know it was open." I admitted quietly.

"Anyone could have just come in." Phil continued, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Clearly." I gestured to him as he held his position, hovering over my body.

I watched Phil's jaw tense at my reply, obviously not very happy with my lack of thought towards security.

"Just lock it next time, ok?"

There was a certain hardness to his tone, the stunning blue of his eyes darkening a little. I felt like a child being scolded for being naughty. I think he could sense my nervousness towards him when he spoke. Phil's features softened, elbows bending as he dropped lower into me, placing a kiss to my cheek.

"I just want you safe, Dan." He whispered quietly.

My eyes fluttered at his close proximity, allowing me to absorb his hypnotizing smell, dark hair tickling at my skin.

"I'll keep it locked." I told him quietly.

"Good boy." He smiled.

He rubbed his nose against mine before dipping his head to my neck. Phil's distracting kisses averted my attention away from his hands, which had slowly skimmed up under my top. I let out a shriek as his long fingers began to tickle at my sides. He laughed as I continued to giggle, my lungs gasping for breath. My hands gently pushed to his strong shoulder, allowing me to roll him off onto the mattress beside me.

He was grinning widely, displaying his white teeth as I scrambled from the bed, desperate to evade his playful touch. I picked up the book that had fallen to the floor during our teasing encounter. Phil observed me, tilting his head to the side as I found the previously lost page I had finished on. I placed the book on my bedside table.

"Do you want to go to the fair?" Phil asked abruptly.

"The funfair?" I replied.

I couldn't really imagine Phil at any event that had "fun" in the title. I wasn't implying he was a bore to be around, Phil was anything but that. However, his often dark demeanor gave off the impression that he wouldn't really fit in to a place with bright lights, amusement rides and candy floss.

"I-I mean we don't have to, but my…" he stopped for a second to rethink. "Umm, well, I've been told apparently it's a nice place to take someone…on a date…so…"

I couldn't help but giggle as he fumbled over his words. It was very out of Phil's character; normally he was the one that had me stuttering. His verbal stumbling made me wonder if he had ever taken someone out to on a date that didn't involve alcohol or clubs. The slight blush on his cheeks told me otherwise. He pouted, grabbing my hand and pulling me onto his lap. His face nuzzled onto my neck.

"Stop laughing at me." He grumbled.

My fingers brushed back some of the strands of his dark hair as his face reappeared. I placed a small kiss to his cheek.

"I'd love to go to the funfair with you." I smiled.

* * *

"Let's go on the Ferris Wheel." I gripped Phil's hand.

I attempted to move forwards but he stood rigid, remaining frozen to the spot. His gaze tilted up to the top of the ride. Small children were happily calling down to their parent who watched from below.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Are you sure you don't want to go on anything else?" He peered around.

He shifted on his feet, hard gaze on me. A look flashed through his eyes that I hadn't witnessed before. I smiled at him as he warily stared back.

"Are you scared of heights, Phil?" I pried.

His jaw tightened.

"No, I'm not scared." He protested. "I'm just not comfortable with being that far off the ground." He grumbled, gesturing to the tall wheel.

I couldn't help but giggle. But I soon became quiet as I looked to the beautiful man stood in front of me.

"Dan." Phil sternly warned.

"It's fine, I'll go on my own."

I started to walk away, queuing up for the line before I heard Phil let out an exasperated huff. I peeked up to him, jaw still set tight.

"No." He hastily replied. I watched him heavily sigh, closing his eyes. "You're not going on your own."

Sometimes his over-protective nature came in handy. He intently observed me as I gripped his shoulder.

"Don't worry. I'll hold your hand if you like."

"Ugh, stop patronizing me." He complained as I laughed.

* * *

"Worst ride ever." Phil grumbled.

"You might have enjoyed it if you hadn't spent the whole time with your eyes closed. The view was amazing." I smiled.

I refused to listen to his complaining, something taking my eye behind where Phil stood.

"Come on." I gripped his hand.

We came to an abrupt stop in front of an amusement stool.

"The turtle is mine." I narrowed my gaze on the stuffed toy.

Phil was laughing as he handed a couple of quid over to the attendant.

"Love to see this." He teased.

I'd prove him wrong. The man behind the stand explained I needed to knock over the three cans stacked up at the back. I was given three green balls. My first two shots came frustratingly close, just skimming the cans. Phil watched on with a smirk before I knocked over two of the annoying obstacle for my prize.

"Oh come on!"

Phil laughed.

I've got the accuracy, just need the power." I mumbled.

"Let me have a go." Phil spoke, bumping my hip to nudge me out the way.

I watched on to witness Phil knock over the three cans with one ball spree. He turned to me, a smug grin on his face.

"I loosened them up for you." I spoke.

"Yeah, yeah." He handed me the turtle he had won.

"Thank you!" I gushed, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek.

We were about to walk away when a mum and her small daughter went up to Phil. The little girl clung onto her mother's hand, hiding slightly behind her legs as she stared up at Phil with her mouth agape.

"I'm sorry to trouble you but my daughter would really like the teddy bear up there." She pointed to the bear which was adorning a red bowtie. "But I'm useless at these games." She whispered light heartedly. "Would you mind having a go for her, please?"

"Course." Phil smiled.

The woman handed her money over to the attendant before giving Phil the three balls again. I stood with them and we watched as Phil displayed his skill, the three of us clapping when the cans fell down. He turned grinning, bending down to the girls' tiny height.

"There you go darlin'." Phil smiled handing her the bear.

"What do you say?" The mother encouraged.

"Thank you." She spoke in a small voice.

"You're welcome."

As Phil got to his feet the mother gripped his forearm.

"Thank you so much." She spoke in a hushed tone.

He gave her a nod, his blue eyes sparkling. Phil gripped my hand, tugging me away from them. I locked back to see the little girl, her new bear held tightly to her chest.

"That was really sweet of you." I gushed.

He mumbled in a response, keeping his head down. But I could see that his cheeks were lightly tinged in pink.

* * *

**Thank for reading! Please leave a review and let me know what you think! :) They always make me smile.**


	16. Give me a chance

Chapter 17:

Dan's POV:

I heard Phil curse as he pulled out the ringing phone from his back pocket. Big blue eyes glanced to the screen, obviously recognizing the person's name flashing up as a slight smile spread on his pink lips. I was unable to get a decent look. My mouth moved before my brain could catch up.

"Who is it?"

Phil's head came up, wide blue eyes locking with mine. He clearly wasn't prepared for my question.

"Umm…" he struggled.

"You don't have to tell me, I'm just curious." I paused, Phil still staring, the phone ringing between us. "I-it's just you always look so happy when they call, I just wondered." I trailed off quietly.

"It's an old friend." He nodded almost as if he was trying to convince himself.

"Oh, ok." I bit my lip.

He answered the call, quickly telling the mystery person to hand on before looking to me.

"I need you to stay here." He instructed. "I mean it Dan, don't move."

His stern gaze pinned me to the spot.

"Fine." I replied, dramatically waving him off.

"I'll be back in a minute. Don't wander off."

His possessive need to keep me safe often caused him to treat me like a child. I knew he was only being careful but his constant protectiveness had started to get on my nerves lately. I watched him walk away through the many people attending the fair. I held my turtle under my arm as he glanced back. Did he not trust me? I animatedly pointed to the spot I was stood in, mouthing "here". The phone was now pressed to the side of his head, his fingers in his other ear as he tried to block out the surrounding amusement noises. I knew he was annoyed when his eyebrows descended frowning at me. "Don't mock me." He angrily mouthed back.

I waited for Phil, swinging my legs on the large unused stand I had climbed up on. My fingers pulled off wisps of pink candy cotton from the bag Phil had bought me, bringing it up to my mouth and letting the sugar melt on my tongue. I smiled as small children walked past with balloons gripped tightly in their tiny hands. I was quite content with my people watching until a voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"Are you on your own?"

I turned to see a group of younger boys. They looked to be about fifteen or sixteen, some with hoods up as they stared at me. I felt uncomfortable under their gaze. They were the sort of group you would cross over the road to avoid walking on the same path as them.

"No."

I turned my head, hoping they would get the hint and move on. But my heart sunk as they continued to ask me questions.

"Are you sure?" one of the taller ones spoke up.

There were lots of people milling around still, my eyes scanned for Phil. I diverted my focus back to the boys, their smiles far from friendly as they waited for my answer.

"I'm waiting for my…boyfriend."

I watched as one nudged a boy who seemed to be the leader. Their penetrating gaze made my skin crawl.

"We can wait with you."

"No, that's alright thanks, he won't be long."

I shuffled away, taking my turtle with me as he climbed up to sit beside me. He was bigger than me despite my older age. The rest of the group were intently observing us, almost goading the boy on.

"I wouldn't try anything." I warned him.

Phil would kick the shit out of him. When I felt a hand on my shoulder I swung my soft toy round, hitting him on the back of the head. I scrambled to my feet, spinning round on the higher platform. Relief coursed through me as I spotted Phil angrily making his way towards us.

"Dan!"

He stood below me looking up, turning so I could climb onto his back. I was a little reluctant at first, but as soon as my arms wrapped round Phil's neck as I clambered down, his hand catching hold of one of my thighs as I brought my legs tightly around his waist, I felt hopeful. The boy got to his feet, his body towering over as he positioned himself where I previously stood.

"Don't touch him, you little prick." Phil spat.

He caught hold of the boy's ankle, yanking it out from under him. His friends could only watch as he fell with a thump to his back onto the hard wood of the platform. We heard him cry out, rolling to his side, the wind knocked out of him.

Phil swiftly turned, my face pressed into the crook of his neck as he began to walk away.

"Fucking faggot!" One of the lads called out.

My arms tightened around his neck, lips desperately going to his ear as he face the group.

"Please, please Phil don't." I pleaded.

A few of the shorter boys cowered back with Phil's intense gaze. He was furious. It was when he felt my frightened tears splash the skin of his neck that he seemed to snap out of his rage. His muscles were still tense but relief flooded through me as we moved away. The hand holding my turtle soothingly rubbed over his chest, trying to calm him down. I felt his grip tighten on my thighs, showing he appreciated my attempt.

"Thank you." I whispered. "Thank you for walking away…I don't really fancy visiting my boyfriend behind bars."

Phil weaved us through the crowd for a few minutes.

"You'd visit me in prison?" He asked, seeming a little calmer.

"No, Phil. I think my point is that I wouldn't."

I heard him huff.

"You might have had to if you hadn't stopped me."

I squeezed my eyes closed at the thought.

"We're good now though, right?" I asked, testing his level of heated temper.

"We're good." Phil spoke whilst kissing my right arm.

My mind floated away with the thought of what he could have potentially done. A shiver tingled though my body, but it sparked another eerie thought. Had Phil ever been locked up before? It surprised me when he spoke, voice rumbling through his back to my chest, as he read my mind.

"No Dan, I've never been in prison." He chuckled.

My head rested on his shoulder, watching people wait in lines for rides.

"But I have been arrested and taken into custody a couple of times." Phil added.

My eyes widened at his revelation, arms tightening their hold around his neck. He seems so nonchalant about the subject.

"Relax Dan, it wasn't recently."

I assumed he thought that fact would have comforted me, to know he hadn't done anything whilst in our relationship. But it had the opposite effect. I felt uneasy. What on Earth had Phil done to get himself arrested? I didn't want to ask, but I had a pretty good idea, his temper often getting the better of him.

"Why is it, whenever I leave you on your own you attract all of the douchebags?"

Even though his breathing was still heavy, I sensed the amusement in his tone, trying to distract me from our previous conversation.

"Guess it's one of the many special qualities I possess."

"It's special alright." He teased.

My lips placed a small kiss to his neck, smiling as he hummed under my touch.

"It seems I spend most of my time rescuing you from idiots." His fingertips pressed into my thighs as he laughed. "Not that I'm complaining."

"Well, maybe you should give me a chance to save you for once."

We walked a little further. People were gathering to watch the fireworks.

"Did you hit him with your turtle?" Phil curiously asked, humor in his question.

I knew he had recovered from his angry episode as he proceeded to take the piss out of me. I still clung to his back; Phil unable to see the slight blush on my cheeks. His dark locks tickled at my skin as I buried my face into his neck.

"It was the only thing I had to defend myself with." I retaliated.

I leaned away from Phil slightly, pushing the toy between my chest and his back. My now free hand opened up the bag of candy floss I still gripped. My arms loosely hang over his shoulders to his front as I pried a small piece off.

"You've eaten over half the bag already?" Phil stated, clearly surprised.

I mumbled a "shoot" under my breath, leaning my head on his shoulder. I offered the pink floss up to his mouth, hoping to distract him from the nearing of my inevitable sugar rush. He took the sugary sweet past his lips, cheekily sucking on the tips of my fingers. I smiled and continued to feed him while we talked and I snuck more of the pink fluff for myself.

* * *

We stood together, Phil's arms protectively wrapped round my shoulders from behind as we gazed at the exploding rockets. The colors were bright, lighting up the darkened sky. I felt his arms tighten as I fidgeted in his hold, mumbling my name to stop me. There was nothing much I could do about the current buzz the candy floss had struck me with.

My vision darted round; there were any number of young couples, many of them encircled in each other's arms. A few of them were sweetly stealing kisses. The images in front of me caused my mind to race, fuelled by my over consumption of sugar. Thinking back to the conversation I had with my friends, a sudden pulse of energy pounded through my body. My fingers gripped hold of his wrist. I turned, dragging a confused Phil behind me, weaving in and out of the people watching the fireworks.

When we passed under the funfair sign I was practically running. Phil jogged to keep up. There were so many cars in the dim field in front of us. I had no idea where Phil's large vehicle was.

"W-where's the car?"

"Err, over there." He pointed.

I immediately took off in the direction he had called my attention to.

"Dan, is everything alright, do you feel ok?"

I ignored his questions, towing him along behind me. I surprised even myself with my new found strength. As soon as we reached the car Phil was shoved up against it. He winced before I pulled him down to my level, planting a wet kiss to his mouth. To say he was surprised was an understatement. My hand felt round his bum for the keys.

"Hey, heEY" He protested.

The door was unlocked.

"Get in, get in." I instructed.

"Dan, you look…high." He squinted his eyes slightly, moving his head away.

I huffed before shoving him into the vehicle. My legs climbed up, straddling Phil's lap whilst he sat in the driver's side. I slammed the door behind us. The stuffed, toy turtle was thrown to the back of the car in my haste. My hand searched for the leaver, sliding the seat back slightly.

"Dan…"

I didn't give him time to finish what he was saying, my mouth pressing forcefully to his. I felt down his stomach before roughly palming him through his jeans. A low, muffled moan emitted round the car. I pulled away from our heated embrace, my fingers desperately fumbling with his belt. The simple task was proven more challenging by my nervousness and the heavy sugar rush currently causing my hands shake. I grew frustrated, wiggling back slightly to get a better look at the buckle in the dwindling light.

We both jumped when the horn went off, my back pressing to the steering wheel.

"Dan." Phil laughed.

I ignored him before he gripped my wrists, tugging my hands away from his jeans. My eyebrows came down in a frown as I took in his amused expression.

"Dan, slow down." He chuckled.

My head fell forward onto his chest. It rumbled underneath me as he couldn't contain his laughter.

"What are you trying to do?" He humorously asked.

When I didn't answer he cupped my chin, bringing my head up. A smirk played on his plump lips as he curiously peered at me for my reply. He must have had some idea; I was hoping he wasn't just asking to embarrass me further.

"Hmm?" He encouraged.

"I-I wanted to do something f-for you." I spoke quietly.

Phil's eyebrows came down, frowning slightly. I turned my head away, cheeks flushing. Long fingers still held my chin as he guided me back round to him again.

"What?"

"Well, you…um..er…I just…." My voice trailing off.

I became silent, not really knowing what to say. Phil's mouth formed an "o" shape when he realized what I meant. He smiled, running his thumb along my upper then lower parted lips. But he didn't say anything. I felt the heat tingle on my face.

"D-don't you want me to?" I stuttered.

He grinned.

"I would _love_ for you to do that for me." Phil paused kissing the back of my hand. "But don't feel like you have to." He added.

I still felt a little suspicious of his answer. Maybe he was just saying that to make me feel better. I think he realized my uncertainty. His arms drew me in closer, lips meeting the skin just below my ear.

"Just the thought of your pretty lips wrapped around me has got me excited." He hotly whispered.

His thumb passed over my mouth again as he smiled. I lightly bit down onto his thumb as he slowly pushed it between my lips. He withdrew, leaving a heavy kiss to me.

"Another time." He whispered.

Groups of people had started to walk back to the cars. A few of them walking between ours and the one parked next to us. I hadn't really thought this through. Of course couldn't do it here, I felt so silly. It was that damn, pink candy floss.

He took the opportunity to nuzzle into my neck as my attention was momentarily diverted out of the window. Long fingers guided my face back round, plump lips dotting random kisses all over my cheeks, forehead, nose, mouth. I giggled pushing him away. Phil's nose rubbed against mine before he helped me off his lap and I took my place in the passenger seat.

"I'm not giving you anymore candy floss." Phil laughed.

A large warm hand rested on my knee before it slowly slid up my thigh.

"Or maybe I should." He winked.

I batted his hand away as he chuckled. A second later he leaned in, kissing my cheek.

* * *

"Baby." A voice whispered.

A light kiss was pressed to my mouth and I struggled to open my eyes, my tongue running over my lips, taking in the moisture. I heard Phil quietly chuckle.

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty."

I cuddled into his warmth as he lifted me from the car. My arm drifted up to wrap round his neck. The door was closed with Phil's foot.

"What happened?" I mumbled.

"I was talking to you and when I turned you were asleep." He smiled. "You crashed pretty badly."

"Sorry."

Phil's fingers clutched my shoes that I had kicked off in the front of his car. I hooked my index into the neck of his t shirt, tugging it down a little so I could place a kiss at the base of his neck. We were half way up my path when I realized I had forgotten something.

"Wait, wait. I forgot my turtle."

Phil laughed, playfully huffing as he spun with me still in his arms. He walked us back to his car, opening the rear door with one of his hands. He allowed me to climb in, rummaging round under the seat as I fumbled for the stuffed animal. I clutched the toy turtle to my chest.

"Come on."

I giggled, attaching myself to his back as I wrapped my legs around his waist. The stuffed animal in my hand hung down Phil's front as I draped my arms over his shoulder.

* * *

My teeth were quickly brushed before I washed my face and pulled on an old t shirt. When I opened the bathroom door I found Phil sitting on the end of my bed, head down, staring at his phone. He was still fully clothed.

"Won't you stay tonight?" I asked.

"You have work in the morning and so do I." He replied.

Phil's focus didn't remain on my face for long, his sparkling eyes trailing down the length of my body. The t shirt came to mid-thigh before my bare legs swept to the floor. I couldn't help but shyly smile as I made my way over to him. His knees parted so I could stand in between. Large, warm hands rested on my lower back, slipping down to cup my backside. I quietly gasped, but allowed him to gently squeeze.

"You're testing my patience." He mumbled.

My fingers stroked his hair as his head rested on my stomach.

"No, no, you need to go to bed." He abruptly spoke.

I jumped as he stood swiftly from the end of the mattress, his height shadowing over me before drawing back the covers.

"In." He spoke whilst flicking his head.

I complied, climbing into bed.

"Please stay." I whispered.

I watched him close his eyes, quietly sighing before staring down at me. His converse were kicked off and I made room for him to lay next to me. Phil remained on top of the covers as I snugged into my pillow, settling down on my stomach.

"I'll stay until you fall asleep."

"Well, I've been having trouble sleeping the past few nights, so you might be here a while." I teased.

"Dan." Phil warned, fighting to keep a smile from spreading on his lips.

He was laid sprawled on his back, head turned to me. He really was beautiful. Shock of midnight locks adorning his head, striking blue eyes and the fullest lips I had seen on a guy.

"You have to close your eyes to sleep." He whispered.

"I'd rather watch you."

I shuffled a little closer to him as he observed me. My intention was for it to be a small goodnight kiss but it became a little more, our lips savoring one another as they meshed together. My hair tickled against his skin, fingers slipping into his locks. Phil's tongue pried into my mouth, invading my senses but as I tried to get closer he gently pushed on my shoulders. We were both breathless as we parted. But close enough for our lips to continually brush.

"Don't tempt me." He warned me.

I reluctantly flopped back to my previous position, head still facing Phil. We laid for a little while in silence before I broke the quiet.

"You have long eyelashes." I commented.

He smiled, slightly confused.

"Good thing?"

I nodded as Phil raised his hand, gently pushing my hair back from my face, breath caught in my throat as he leaned over to me. A giggle escaped my mouth as he deliberately brushed his lashes against my cheek before placing a soft kiss to my lips.

"Go to sleep, Dan."

I was startled awake by the sound of my alarm. My eyes blinked multiple times, adjusting to the light. But a smile spread on my lips when I saw the stuffed toy turtle in the place Phil had occupied before I drifted into unconsciousness. I vaguely remembered him carefully stroking my hair, his husky voice quietly singing as I fell asleep.


	17. Saved in all the possible ways

_Yeah, it's plain to see,_

_That baby you're beautiful, and there's nothing wrong with you,_

_It's me, I'm a freak,_

_But thanks for loving me, because you're doing it perfectly._

_Yeah there might have been a time when I would let you slip away,_

_I wouldn't even try; I think you could save my life._

Chapter 18:

**Phil's POV:**

_**~3 months later~**_

We always saw each other at my place. Sometimes I didn't know anything about him for days, but then he would come at four in the morning and fall asleep in my arms. I was vexed; asking him where he was coming from and what took him so long, and the only thing he said was that he was running from the past. Clearly the answer wasn't enough for me, I insisted on hearing more, but when I saw how his image darkened and his eyes lost their spark I felt guilty that exactly I, the one who loved him, was the one making him suffer. I didn't want more than to take him in my arms, protect him, wipe away all of the pain that he didn't talk about, but which I knew it was there.

After a while I stopped asking him; actually I became so dependent of him that I didn't care anymore. I didn't want to know where he was coming from nor was what he was doing the time that he didn't spend with me, the only thing that mattered the most was that he was returning in my arms, and from time to time, for some days, he belonged to me soul and body.

We sat inside my apartment for days. I liked discovering him, we talked about anything, he surprised me with his special imagination and with answers I never heard until then. He almost never asked me about my past, but sometimes I told him about my old loves in the vanity of the man that wants to impress with his amorous conquests. He listened to me with total disinterest, and it gnawed me on the inside. He wanted to know my dreams, my wishes and the wounds that hurt me; he probed my soul in the deepest places, but the performances in my love life left him cold. I knew he didn't care about the other males or females because of the simple fact that each of them was the same, while he was different. And I knew that if he got bored of me it wouldn't be hard for him to find someone else. Everyone who would meet him would lay the world at his feet, the way I did. He was fascinating without any effort and I was jealous about it because it would be that easy for anybody to fall in love with him without even knowing why.

I loved listening to him when he spoke and, looking at him that way, he seemed perfect. He had those moments when he daydreamed and got melancholic and that's when I got even more fascinated about his presence. The sadness that fell on his image made him look more beautiful, more mysterious, and I looked at him disarmed, without knowing how to act. When I felt lonely he came into my arms looking for affection, and that's when I felt him more "mine" than ever. He was like an abandoned child that only wanted to feel loved, and that were the moments when he let me take him over. He looked, and was, so vulnerable, and that's when I felt like a God, really thinking that I could be his savior. I passionately wanted to heal him and make him love me and know that I was enough for him, like he was for me. Later I realized how arrogant I was, thinking that I could save a person like him, when actually he saved me in all possible ways.

* * *

I smiled with the corner of my mouth and made my way toward him with large steps. I cupped his head into my hands and kissed him hard on his pink lips. In that moment he parted them and I felt the tip of his tongue looking for mine. We kissed slowly and passionately like it were the first kiss for both of us and we didn't want to destroy that beautiful charm of the moment.

"Mmm, what's with you?"

"Shut up, please…" I whispered with my voice shaking.

"Phil." He murmured and embraced me tenderly.

I felt my heart beating so fast, feeling like I just ran a 10 kilometer marathon in 5 minutes. Our tongues meet in a long, drugging kiss. I softly bit his lips, hit tongue and he did the same. I felt tingling all over my body and he was so beautiful, with his eyes closed, arms clenched around my neck.

He had no idea how closely I wrapped myself around his heart. He buried his face in my shoulder as I held him. All I could think was that I needed him. I needed his arms around me, needed him to hold me and whisper that we'd find a way to be together.

When we untangled from each other, he looked me in the eyes, giving me one of the most innocent smile I had ever seen. _I love you Dan…I want you, I want you, now…_

* * *

_**Explicit scene told in the 3**__**rd**__** person:**_

Phil lifted Dan to his bed, removing his own shirt before beginning work on Dan's jeans, unzipping with ease before the younger boy's hand shot out to stop him, their lips still joined as he whimpered.

They broke apart and Phil bit Dan's neck, making him squirm beneath him in the dark while murmuring against his tan skin, "I want you Dan. Let me have you."

Pulling back and looking up from his position on the floor, Phil locked eyes with Dan, trying to channel his adoration and lust through the blue of his irises, telling him how much he needed him, trying to show his hidden love.

Dan studied him through half lidded eyes before nodding and Phil leaned forward almost hesitantly before kissing his neck, pressing forward so Dan fell back upon the bed, his hands finding their way to the eldest's dark hair where he tangled his fingers.

He tugged at the brunette's jeans and freed them from his figure, discarding them to his bedroom floor along with his own restricting jeans, leaving them bare apart from their boxers, the only thing standing between them.

Their lips met again and moved in sync, tongues licking at each other as moans were shared. Phil allowed his fingers to play along the heated skin of the boy beneath him before seizing hold of his boxers and removing them, flinging them away from their tangled limbs. He removed his own boxers and got rid of them quickly.

"I need you Dan," he purred into his ear before nibbling at his lobe, making Dan shiver and groan.

"I want you Phil," Dan murmured back, snuggling closer to the other as he felt the other slid his fingers up into his mouth. Dan sucked the digits happily, moaning as he did.

_It needs to happen now_, they both thought. Removing his fingers, Phil glided them down to Dan's entrance, pressing lightly before thrusting them in and extracting a moan from the brown eyed boy who tensed at the touch before relaxing as Phil made reassuring circles upon the skin of his hip, relaxing Dan enough to slip another digit inside and stretch him.

"Ahh...It-it hurts" he moaned low in his throat, his eyes fluttering open for a brief moment to gaze at Phil who looked back with flushed cheeks. They kissed again, soft and gentle, fleeting as a third finger was added quickly, stretching far and leaving a sting as they left.

"I will make you feel good. I will take care of you." Phil gently whispered at his ear, wiping with his thumbs the tears that threatened to fall on Dan's cheeks.

Feeling a pressure at his entrance, Dan gasped softly, moaning loudly as Phil entered him slowly, allowing him time to adjust to the new feeling inside him. He tugged at his dark locks and brought him closer for a heated kiss, tongues dancing as Phil began moving in and out slowly, hesitantly, soon picking up speed as Dan groaned low in the back of his throat.

Leaning down, Phil pressed their bare chests together as he thrust hard into the boy beneath him, reaching between their warm bodies to grasp the other, stroking in time to his thrusts while making the other gasp and groan, begging for more with his animalistic noises.

"P-please Phil, ahh...no..." Dan moaned and bit down on Phil's shoulder, making the raven haired boy hiss as blood was drawn and his teeth marks were left indented in his skin.

"Fuck..." he murmured as he kissed Dan's jaw, moving to his ear and licking it tentatively while pumping inside him, soon hearing the brunette groan loudly as he hit his sweet spot.

Angling himself, he continued to thrust into that spot, still stroking Dan and squeezing his tip while the tanned boy made horny noises below him and squirmed, overwhelmed with pleasurable sensations.

"Phil, Phil, Phil!" he cried, tangling his fingers in his dark locks before closing his eyes tight and releasing into the other's hand, his seed spilling over his pumping fingers and dripping onto their joined stomachs.

"Ahh, Dan..." Phil moaned into his lover's ear, biting the lobe before exploding into him, thrusting deep and making the other moan while riding out his orgasm, panting as he collapsed upon the brunette and closed his eyes.

Their chests heaving as they tried to regain their breath, they looked to each other and shared a brief kiss before they separated their joined bodies, collapsing once again upon the bed.

Phil snuggled up behind Dan, wrapping his arms protectively around his waist and drawing the younger boy closer to his chest as he rested his head upon his shoulder and kissed his neck.

"Thank you, Dan. I thought we will never go further than a kiss. I was desperate for you. I need you." He murmured and Dan froze for a moment, suddenly wishing to cry as he reached down and held Phil's strong arms, leaning back into the embrace.

"I need you too, Phil" he whispered back and felt another kiss upon his neck before the other fell away and rested his head upon the pillow.

* * *

His caress was gentle; his long fingers gently brushing his tanned hipbone and up his side to bump along his ribs. Dan sighed contently, eyes fluttering closed as he arched up into Phil's touch. He could feel Phil lean down and shivered as he felt his cool breath against his chest, a soft kiss planted on his breast above his heart.

"Dan," he murmured and the others eyes fluttered open to gaze at him through his dark lashes. Phil leaned back, sitting up again, and Dan whimpered at the loss.

His gaze was serious, nervousness hidden in their blue depths and Dan propped himself up on his elbows. The cushion behind his back on the bed prodded at his back and kept his shirt ridden up and Phil's fingers were still spread out over his side, thumping lightly at his ribs.

"Phil?" he inquired, cocking an eyebrow as he shifted his eyes away from Dan and then back again, his brow knitting together as he bit his lower lip. He was silent a moment longer before he spoke, his voice calm and clear.

"Dan, I can't do this anymore."

Dan let the words sink in before he sat up a little straighter, Phil edging off of his lap and on to the bed as Dan pulled his legs back in. He realized Phil's fingers were no longer on his skin as his shirt slid down over his torso and he missed his touch.

"What... what do you mean?" Dan said, trying to keep his voice even as he wrapped his arms around his legs and pulled them closer to his chest. He watched Phil's hands in his lap, his fingers fiddling nervously.

"I... Dan, we started this way…and now look at us… I can't do this anymore," Phil said, his eyes darting to his hands, his fingers picking up pace in their tangling, "It's just, it hurts Dan. I can't do this anymore knowing it all means nothing when it's started to mean everything to me."

Dan's breath hitched in his throat as he looked up through his lashes to see Phil chewing his plump lip, his dark hair falling in front of his eyes and hiding them from Dan's watchful gaze. "I fell…I fell for you so hard Dan…I need you to know…" He tried.

"I fell for you too, Phil…long ago. I thought you knew, wasn't it…obvious?" Dan asked his lover. Phil didn't respond, but cupped Dan's cheeks and brought him closer to his body, kissing him on his soft lips.

_Just tell me you love me_, they both thought.

It was not long before Dan heard the shallow breathing, alerting him that Phil was asleep. He rubbed his thumb against the back of the other's hand, deep in thought until tiredness overcame him and he closed his eyes, snuggling back into the other as he drifted to sleep.

* * *

**Guys, I'm so sorry for taking this long, but I'm on holiday and laziness and procrastination are my biggest enemy. **

**Hope you enjoyed! Please leave a review! :]**


	18. Don't touch me

Chapter 19:

**Dan's POV:**

I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, the clock from the bedside ticking 3 a.m. I remembered that my parents were going to be back from their monthly visit to the hospital that day, and to avoid any possible arguments, I had to be back home before them. I looked to my side, smiling at the sleeping Phil before planting a kiss on his soft cheek. I got up from the bed slowly, careful not to wake him up, and dressed myself quickly. A brush crept on my face as I remembered the events. Vivid memories formed in the back of my mind, and I felt tingling in my stomach as a warm feeling traveled down my body. I glanced over my shoulder, absorbing the sight of the innocent Phil, drifted away in his sleep, once again, before making my way out from his apartment.

_**Morning – Wednesday, 11**__**th**__** of November (8 a.m.):**_

The alarm rang and I groaned loudly, pressing my face into the pillow as it continued to play its annoying tune, attempting to wake me from my slumber. I pressed the snooze button, snuggling back down into the warm covers before groaning again; I was awake.

Rolling out of bed, I struggled to remove the heavy duvet from my tired body, my groggy mind only half aware as I went through the usual morning routine; walking into the bathroom and climbing into the shower, I hummed the tune to The Lion King and washed myself, soon stepping out of the shower and draping myself in a towel before going downstairs to make a quick breakfast.

Finishing my meal, I returned back up the stairs and to my bedroom, closing the door behind me and beginning to dry my hair, brushing and straightening the brown curls into straight locks. I placed my black and white studs into my ears and pulled on my black skinny jeans, doing a slight dance to maneuver my way into the fabric while pulling them up.

Flipping through the pile of shirts that littered my room, I decided on a black tee, adding a black jacket over it as I put on my equally black converse. I was feeling gothic today, I mused with a smile.

I checked myself in the mirror, nodding my approval before picking up my bag and running down the stairs, calling out a quick goodbye to anyone in the house before shutting the door and making my way to the bus shelter, hunching my shoulders as a chilling breeze passed me by.

As I drew closer to the shelter, I saw the bus come round the bend, jogging the rest of the way as the large vehicle stopped, opening the doors to me as the plump, middle aged man took my student pass and swiped it, not uttering a word to me as I made my way near the back of the bus.

I sat down, two seats up from the back, and placed my bag on the seat next to me, pulling out my iPod and plugging in the headphones, turning on the device and pressing the 'Play' button, smiling to myself as a Muse song began to play into my ears.

Turning to face the window, I rested my head in my hand and looked out through the glass, watching as the surroundings passed by steadily while music played to me soothingly.

The bus stopped and I raised an eyebrow; we would usually be at the school by this point but apparently not. I looked out of the corner of my eyes as another student with pale skin and brown curly hair, stepped onto the bus and handed the bus driver his student pass, seeing the plump man swipe it and hand it back to the mysterious new kid.

I watched him as he walked with his head bowed to the back of the bus, my heart thumping hard against my chest as for a fleeting moment our eyes met, the intense green of the other male shocking me before he let his head fall again, dark curls covering his face once more.

It took me a moment before my heart calmed down, my eyes averting back to what lay beyond the window as my mind whirled with thoughts of the new kid that now sat two seats behind me. I wished I could turn around and take in his image but knew I would look weird for it so decided against it.

I decided I would introduce myself later.

As the bus stopped, deflating its wheels with a loud gush of air, I stood, putting away my iPod and collecting my things, glancing up as the seemingly older male passed by me without a care.

I slung my bag over my shoulder and hurried off the bus, catching up quickly to the green eyed male, reaching out my hand to place upon his shoulder and opening my mouth, about to greet the other when a fist impacted into my stomach, doubling me over as I gasped.

"Don't touch me," he hissed, removing his fist from my stomach and gazing at me with disgust in his pale eyes. He walked away quickly, leaving me to regain my stolen breath as I watched him leave.

* * *

_"for a fleeting moment our eyes met, the intense green of the other male shocking me."_

** /kbrrqp8 - type tinyurl dot com and paste this at the end.**

Thanks for reading! Please leave a review and tell me what you think :]


	19. I don't want your help

Chapter 20:

**Dan's POV:**

Clutching my stomach still, I gazed out the window, tapping my pencil against my open book, not bothering to pay attention to the lesson as the teacher droned on about something mathematical, complicated equations that we would never use again after leaving school. Instead, I contemplated what had happened earlier that morning.

_Why had he punched me? Did he not like me? But why? We had only just met what could I have done wrong?_

Thoughts spiraled in my mind but I could not fathom an answer, my brow furrowing at my incapability to work out the new kid's strange behavior.

"Dan," I heard my name called and looked up, noticing the teacher's eyes were on me, as were most of the other pupils gazes, some giggling at me as my teacher continued, "Please refrain from staring out the window and try and pay attention."

I heard the sound of girls giggling and I glanced their way, noticing a blonde and a brunette were peering at me and upon seeing me watching them, giggled again and smiled, one giving a small wave and receiving a small smile from me.

I shrugged off the day's earlier antics and carried on with the rest of the lesson.

* * *

The bell rung and I collected my things, moving swiftly out of the classroom and avoiding my maths teacher who would surely try and talk to me, give me a stern word but to no avail.

I blended in with the rest of the students, almost being carried to my next lesson by the flow of the teenagers but managing to stop myself as I reached the door, grabbing for it and pushing it open, reliving myself of the pressure of the other students. I walked to my seat and sat down, instantly looking out the window and waiting for the lesson to begin.

The door swung open occasionally as more students milled into the room and I did not bother looking up until I felt a known presence beside me, making me turn around to see one of the most unexpected people ever.

"What the…" I began my question as I tried to process what Sebastian was doing in my Chemistry class. He shushed me, bringing his long finger to his mouth as he gave me a small wink. I was baffled, unsure of what to do; the last time I saw him, he and my boyfriend were dragging the unconscious body of a thug across the pavement, to some bushes. I made a _"what-the-heck-are-you-doing-here"_ face and he just smiled at me.

I bit my lip in confusion and turned my attention back to the window, my brow furrowing as I waited for the teacher to come in and start the lesson, wishing it would end now so I could interrogate Sebastian about his sudden apparition. As my vision darted around, I saw the guy from earlier just a few benches next to us, locking me with his green eyes. I felt my breath hitch in my throat as I tried to avoid his dominant sight. _What the hell is going on?…_ I thought.

Eventually our teacher arrived, bursting through the door with flushed cheeks, glasses almost knocked of her freckle covered face as she smiled to her class and tried to organize herself, walking briskly to her desk and placing down her paper, books and other things.

She repositioned her glasses, her ginger curls falling past her shoulder as she tried to arrange her work, beginning to speak to the class.

"Sorry I'm late students, traffic was horrible and no parking and-" she cut herself off, clearing her throat before looking up with a smile, "Yeah, never mind though."

She turned, picked up a whiteboard marker and began scribbling on the board, drawing test tubes and Bunsen burners and labeling them, writing down instructions by the diagram.

Spinning on her heels, she said cheerily, "Ok, this is the experiment we're doing today! You know where the equipment is, just follow the instructions and all should go well!" She sat at her desk, before suddenly getting back up. "Students, I forgot to introduce our new transferred students!" She said, making a sign for the boys to come at her. Sebastian and the bully got up, as well as another boy from the back of the class. Him and Sebastian bro-fisted as they made their way through the blue benches of the class. I saw perky smiles appearing on their faces, as their eyes met with the curly haired beater. _Do they know each other? _

"Ok," our teacher said as she gesticulated at the three boys. "Here are Sebastian, Dylan and PJ. Both Sebastian and Dylan transferred from the same school, but PJ was home-schooled, and that means he isn't accommodated still, so please be nice with him!" She said as she smiled. _If you only knew… _"Alright now, scoot!" The boys went back to their seats, Sebastian grinning at me as if he knew all of my secrets.

The teacher sat back down on her chair, sorting through the paper work on her desk as we got up and collected the thing needed for the work. I sighed, pushing myself up from my desk and making my way past the other boys, not bothering anymore to wonder what the hell was going on. I walked briskly to the back of the room, collecting what I needed before hearing her say, "Oh by the way, it's in pair of four." _Fuck this; it's as if she already planned this!_

I saw Sebastian swinging his hand around Dylan's shoulders and making his way towards me. "Hey Dan! Long time no see! This is my bro, Dylan. Dylan - Dan, Dan - Dylan." He said as he made the acquaintance. "Now let's do this thing!" He happily cheered. I sighed and picked up three more safety goggles, whispering, "You have a lot to explain.", as I passed Sebastian. I went back to the desk, surprised upon seeing PJ as the fourth member of the group. He didn't look very happy. I groaned to myself, sitting between him and Sebastian. PJ didn't pay any attention but simply stared at the desk, a scrap piece of paper on the wooden surface as he doodled random things onto the crisp white paper, black ink from the biro blotting in places.

I set up the equipment and felt awkward as I put on my safety goggles, feeling like I was being watched by the two pairs of brown eyes to my left. I hesitantly handed the other spare pair to PJ, sliding it over to him so he could see them, making him look up and pierce me with his emerald green eyes; a blank expression on his face as I stuttered.

"Um, so, you know, you don't, um, hurt your eyes…" I said lamely, mentally kicking myself from sounding so stupid. He put them on silently and went back to his doodling. Sebastian swung back and forth on his chair, flexing an arm to the back of his neck, the other reaching PJ's shoulder, passing me. He patted him, cheerily saying, "Oh come on man, you don't have to be so tense!" PJ growled at his touch, his brow furrowing. Sebastian took his hand off of him, putting them in the air, signaling that he meant to harm. But I knew; it was exactly the opposite. When a smirk curved the corner of his mouth, and I saw that dangerous spark in his eyes, I knew exactly why Sebastian was here.

I gave a small sigh, beginning the experiment by myself before my teacher's voice was heard.

"PJ," she said, peering at curly haired boy beside me over the rim of her glasses. He looked up at her, trying to stare her down but she would not have it, "PJ, you need to do the experiment too. Sebastian, Dylan, you have no excuses either."

I watched as PJ's brow furrowed again but he nodded to the teacher, putting down his biro and turning in his seat, picking up a chemical and following the instructions. Our teacher looked down, continuing her work, leaving us to it. Sebastian and his friend poured the other two liquid chemicals from one test tube into the boiling tube, mixing it with a compound and clamping it in place above the Bunsen burner. PJ watched us with a blank stare.

I felt uneasy with the other eyes watching me as I picked up the second test tube, about to add a different compound to the liquid chemical when PJ spoke suddenly, surprising me.

"Let me do it," he said, snatching the test tube and box containing the powder, pouring the white substance into the tube as I exclaimed, "That's too much!"

PJ discarded the mostly empty container on the desk, taking the Bunsen burner and holding the test tube above it.

"Jesus Christ PJ!" I cried, trying to pry his fingers away from the equipment but failing as he shoved me off, the flame of the burner touching his pale fingers and burning his skin. He hissed in pain and dropped the tube, the glass smashing on the table and the contents spilling.

"What are you doing?!" Our teacher yelled, rage laced in her voice as she stormed over to us, a stern look upon her face.

I winced as her trembling voice hissed, "Go to the restrooms and clean yourselves up, NOW! Sebastian, Dylan, clean this mess up!"

She glared at us as I took PJ by his arm, leading him out of the room and towards the boy's bathroom.

"What the hell were you thinking, PJ?" I said, dragging the stuck-up boy into the white tiled room and taking his injured hand to run it under the tap. PJ brought his hands way from my grasp, growling as I tried to reach for him again.

"PJ-" I began, stepping forward and reaching out again before feeling an impact to my stomach, knocking the wind out of him as another fist went for my side.

"Don't touch me freak!" He snarled as I spluttered, clutching my aching body as he drew his hands away.

"I was just trying to help," I said lamely, wishing I had not said anything as pale hands grabbed my shirt, turning me round and slamming me against the cold tiled wall, a whimper leaving me as pain shot through my entire body.

"I don't _want_ your help freak," He growled, his face close to mine as he snarled at me, making me squirm beneath him as he pressed close. My eyes widened as I saw the bathroom door swinging open, a pair of hands grabbing PJ by his shoulders, throwing him off of me. I slid down the toilet's wall as I watched Sebastian and Dylan storm inside the room, treating PJ the same way he treat me. Dylan brought the boy's hands to his back, making him unable to move, as Sebastian punched him in the face, blood gushing from his nose and onto the white tiles of the bathroom. He continued to beat him as he whispered something at his ear. I saw PJ's eyes widen in terror as his knees gave up with the last punch from Sebastian. Dylan dropped him, allowing him to crumble, his shaking frame leaning against the wall for support as he looked up into Sebastian's raging eyes.

"Get the fuck out!" Sebastian yelled at him. PJ got up from the floor, brown curls covering his blood covered face. With one last glance at me, he exited the room. I felt my heart shrink.

Sebastian looked at me, analyzing me from all the corners. "I'm fine." I lied, winching in pain every time I breathed. He took his phone from his back pocket and dialed a number. As he waited, Dylan smiled kind-hearted at me and gave me a thumbs up.

"Yeah Phil, you can come now, the job has been done." Sebastian said.

_Phil? What the hell has he got to do with this?_

* * *

**Thanks for reading guys! Please leave a review and let me know what you think, they make me smile!**

**I imagine Dylan as the actor Dylan O'Brien :]**

* * *

_"I was just trying to help," I said lamely"_

/o96a5xq

_"When a smirk curved the corner of his mouth, and I saw that dangerous spark in his eyes, I knew exactly why Sebastian was here."_

_/lzjhh3h_

**You know what to do with them! :)**


	20. I couldn't handle it

Chapter 21:

**Dan's POV:**

Sebastian smiled, ending the call with Phil and came closer to me.

"Let me look." He said as he grabbed the hem of my black t-shirt, slightly tugging it up. He looked me in the eyes, and I felt an uncomfortable feeling settling in the atmosphere. Maybe it was just me.

"Umm, a-alright…" I stuttered. He smiled with the corner of his mouth, taking my shirt off. The sight of something made him frown.

"Does it hurt?" He asked me, as he placed his warm hand on my stomach. I winced in pain, and I saw the pitiful look in his eyes. He muttered something about not arriving in time, but I gave up on asking him about it. I saw Dylan coming closer, whistling as his eyes narrowed in confusion.

"How could one punch leave such a big mark?" He asked.

"Huh-" I began. I turned around, facing the mirror. My abdomen was covered in a large, purple bruise. I saw their faces, both looking worried.

"Dan…what did he do to you?..." Sebastian said, but I turned round, putting my shirt back on, fluttering my hand as if it was nothing.

"I'm fine, it doesn't hurt that bad anyway." I lied. "We should go back to class."

"No, we can't. You are not going back. Phil is waiting for us outside."

"B-but my backpack is-"

"No." Sebastian cut me off. He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the bathroom. I tried to shore my heels into the ground, hoping that he will stop and answer the questions that kept flowing from my mouth. _Why are you here? What is going on? Who is Dylan? Who is PJ? What the hell?_

The school's hallways were quiet, the only sound coming from our rushed steps. I was worried somebody would catch us and turn what was already bad, worse. When we got to the school's glass entrance, I saw Phil leaning against it, smoking a cigarette, looking as if he hadn't slept for days. When he heard us, he turned and I could see his blue eyes lightning up, a smile brightening his face. But it soon disappeared when his eyes diverted to my hand.

I ignored it and just ran into his arms, snuggling my face into the crook of his neck.

"Oh, Dan…I was so worried. I'm so sorry, please forgiv-" He began. I pulled him closer to me, and kissed him. And all of a sudden I felt really tired, like the world had drained me for everything that I had. All of that day's events crashed upon me, and the only thing that kept me from falling were his arms. I felt like I was sinking. He wrapped his arms tighter around me, the smell of his expensive cologne wrapping around me like veil.

"It' alright now, Dan." He whispered.

"I know." I answered.

He kissed me again with his soft lips, making me almost forget about the two other persons behind us, attending the passionate moment. With my cheeks burning, I pulled myself from Phil and awkwardly smiled. Sebastian smiled too, scratching the nape of his neck in embarrassment.

"Umm, well, we should tell you what really is going on here." He said.

"It'd be a good idea."

"I'm going home. You guys stay and chit-chat." Dylan suddenly said. He made his way past us and pulled the glass door of the school. He gave us a wink and off he went, leaving us with confused looks on our faces.

"It's bad skipping class." Phil joked. I playfully punched him in the shoulder. "Let's get out of here first." He intertwined his hand with mine and exited the building, Sebastian following us.

**Sebastian's POV:**

I took another drag from my cigarette, blowing its smoke in the cold of the night, the grey fume flying past me like a phantasm. It was about 2 a.m. when my cousin called me, telling me it was an emergency and we had to meet in Central Park.

I listened to the slow dance of the November leafs, closing my eyes, feeling the chilly breeze caress my skin. I nearly felt Dad beside me, talking about how beautiful the trees were in autumn, and how Mom would come and interrupt his gibberish with a smile, telling us the apple pie was ready and we should come back in the house because it was getting too cold.

"Reminiscing on the past, cousin?" I felt a voice in front of me. I didn't bother opening my eyes, Dylan's voice being the only confirmation I needed. I felt him sit down next to me and sigh.

"What's so important that it can't wait until 9?" I asked him. He fiddled in his seat, his nervousness obvious.

"He is back." was the only thing he said. I frowned and turned to him, asking him if it was true. He nodded, biting his bottom lip. I reached for another cigarette and lit it in the dead of the night.

"I see. What is he doing here?" I asked Dylan, the sound of falling leafs accompanying me.

"Here is the problem" He said, "He is after somebody called Howell. Dan Howell. I heard he didn't return in time the money PJ's father borrowed him. We must do something Sebastian. He is going to kill this boy."

"Motherfucker…" I mumbled. "I know him."

"You do?" Dylan asked.

"Yeah…he…he is Lester's lover." I took another drag.

"Lester's homo?" He asked, a smile playing on his lips.

"Bi." I corrected him. I got up from the bench and took my phone from the back pocket of my jeans. I dialed Phil.

"He is in good hands then, Lester's one of the most feared man in New York."

"He might be, but when it comes to Dan…he is more than that, he is…"

"_What do you want?"_ Phil's voice echoed through the phone. _"It's two in the fucking morning."_ He whispered, obvious than he didn't want to wake up somebody.

"Just called to say that you hug tight Dan now, 'cuz it may be the last time you'll see him if you don't do what I say."

"_What the hell's the matter Cross?"_

"Cain's son is after your love."

"_That bastard…what does he want? I already gave him the money." _

"I don't know, Lester. But I guess he already found out the high school which Dan goes to and I and my cousin are going tomorrow there, we have some unfinished business with him anyway." I said.

"_I will wait outside the building for you. Please get Dan out of there the fastest you can. Thank you, Cross."_

"I am not doing this for you." I said and ended the call.

"Harsh." Dylan commented. "Do you love Dan too?"

"No, but I hate Lester."

"Why? Because you love Dan too."

"Shut up dickhead. I just don't want him to end like Charlie."

"Oh." Dylan said and silence fell upon us.

* * *

"Let me look." I said, grabbing the hem of his black t-shirt, slightly tugging it up. I looked straight into his mahogany eyes and felt my heart hitting the inside of my chest. _You should be mine._

I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I smiled as he stuttered, allowing me to take his shirt off and inspect his wounds. I frowned. I didn't expect Dan's body to be so fragile. A big, purple bruise covered his stomach, his soft, tanned skin. In that moment, I regretted not killing PJ.

"Does it hurt?" I asked him as I placed my hand over his warm skin. I quickly had withdrawn it as I saw him flinch under my touch. _Fucking hell, I should've arrived earlier, _I mumbled.

"How could one punch leave such a big mark?" Dylan asked over my shoulder.

Dan turned round to look in the mirror, and my heart shrank at the sight of his devastated expression. I wanted to heal him, to take care of him.

"Dan…what did he do to you?" I asked. I wanted nothing less than to cling to his body like secondhand smoke. He put his shirt back on, fluttering his hand as if it was nothing.

* * *

I couldn't handle it. The way he let go of my hand and ran into his arms, kissing him like he was the most goddamn beautiful thing he had ever seen, made me feel like I was being stabbed a million times, each time deeper than the last. I knew I was the designer of my own catastrophe, because what the hell was I thinking. They were in love and I'd be the most pathetic fool if I'd try and break them apart. Ultimately, I wanted Dan to be happy. I guess my heart will yearn for him forever.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Please leave a review and let me know what you think! :]**

_"I couldn't handle it."_

**/nee6ane**


	21. Fireflies in the summer skies

Chapter 22:

**Sebastian's POV:**

Oh no, guys, don't think I am gay! But fucking hell, this boy can make even the straightest guy lay the world at his feet. It's what he did to me that made me wonder about my sexuality. His smile made me melt inside and he twisted my world upside down, destroying every little piece of humanity and dignity I had left. Damn his eyes, damn his smile, so beautiful and wild, damn the fact that I couldn't just ignore him. I was simply falling for him and nothing could keep me away from this feeling. I wanted him to show me love, to show me everything my heart is capable of.

We drove to Phil's place, ready to reveal the truth to him. I still couldn't stand that guy, but I had to cope with it for Dan's sake. When we arrived at his apartment on Fifth Avenue, I couldn't believe my eyes. Of course I knew Lester was one of the richest here in New York, but goddamn that was one hell of an apartment.

And I still remember the way he used to be just a normal guy, until his mother passed away, leaving him and his father to handle the family business. His father became a magnate, inflicting fear over New York. His industry became more and more powerful, with more connections and resources. That's when they became public persons . Each week they would appear in newspaper or at the T.V., mostly his father, and talk shit. Anyway, their father-son bond soon was destroyed when his dad found out Philwas gay. I know he mostly says that he is actually bi, not gay, but come on, who does he think he is kidding? We all know he isn't into vaginas anymore.

I had a crush on a guy before. Yeah, I know I said I wasn't homosexual, but it was just a little crush. His name was Charlie. But I lost him the same way I was going to lose Dan, to a rich, stuck-up fucker. Charlie became a slave for Richard Knox, the boss of the oil industry. He was like Dan, innocence still in his soul, not knowing what he was heading for. Richard made him sin, and I was too slow, I couldn't save him anymore. Charlie committed suicide when he found out about the horrible things that happened behind the powerful, confident mask that Richard wore. He found out about the prostitution, the drugs, the blood spilling, the whores and the money-eating giants of New York. I blamed myself until I met Dan, and I knew that God gave me another chance, and I couldn't let it slip between my fingers, because I knew that Lester was the same as Knox, and Dan, the same as Charlie.

When Charlie died, my sorrow went up with the bottle and down with the beer. I was bleeding on the inside, but I wasn't dying. And God knew that the only way to heal was if I wouldn't make that mistake happen again. The mistake of losing someone you love. (I was still in denial about being gay)

My mother and my father died soon after my sister was born. I was ten when I saw the truck crushing them, avoiding me and my sister at millimeter. Eleven years later, I still can't get the image out of my head. Jess grew up without parents, she only had me. I took their place, trying to manage by myself. But my cousin's family took me in their care, and they had been like family to me since then.

Now I am currently living in the suburbs, in a small house I bought with the money I inherited from my parents. My sister is twelve, but acts as if she is nineteen.

* * *

We sat at the posh table from Lester's kitchen, Dan daydreaming like he always did, and me having a staring contest with Phil. I gave up, diverting my sight to Dan.

"Umm…Dan?" I asked. He broke away from his thoughts, looking surprised. "We have to tell you something, no Phil?"

"Yeah." He approved. He intertwined his fingers with him, and looked him in the eyes. "Dan, remember that no matter what I will always protect you." He confessed. Dan blushed and whispered a "Thank you".

"Um, you remember the man from whom you borrowed money, no?" I asked him. Dan nodded in approval. "Well, his son is…PJ." He widened his caramel eyes, looking at Phil then back at me. Phil sighed and made me sign to continue. "Well, he came to New York for…revenge? I guess? Anyway, he wants to hurt you, Dan. But, me and Dylan will come until the end of the semester with you, at high school, and will keep an eye on him. Phil will come to get you at the end of the classes, so, there is absolutely nothing to worry about." I said as I smiled.

Dan frowned.

"I'll go tomorrow and give them a part of the money. I'll get a part-time job or something so I could give-"

"No." Phil spoke. "I already gave him the money; you don't have to worry about them anymore."

"What…?" He looked shocked. "Phil! I could've managed by myself!" He revolted.

"Really Dan? You almost got killed by his men, twice. Lucky I was there to save you." Phil smirked.

Dan pouted. "How much did you give them?" He asked Phil.

"You don't need to know." Phil lifted his legs on the kitchen table, lightning himself a cigarette. He blew the smoke up in the air, watching Dan with the corner of his eye.

"Tell me, Phil!" he protested.

"No. Just…be happy that I lifted a problem from your shoulders."

"Please…tell me…I feel really guilty." Sadness fell upon his face.

"It's okay, love. I'd do anything for you, don't worry." He drew him closer, a hand holding his cigarette, the other one cupping Dan's cheek. His face moved closer and closer…

"Guys." I said, pushing myself up from the chair, cheeks flushed. "I'm sorry to interrupt but we were in the middle of an important conversation here." They quickly pulled themselves back, Dan looking at his reflection in the glass table, fiddling with his finger and Phil death-staring at me. "I have to go to the bathroom." I felt sick. I gave Dan one last glance and made my way through Phil's apartment, until I got to the toilet.

My hands tightly gripped the huge marble sink, leaning my weight on it as I tried to control my breathing. I raised my head up to the mirror attempting to calm myself down. What the hell was happening with me? I splashed my face with cold water, watching myself in the mirror decorated with silver on the margins. Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. There were a million ways to bleed, but Dan was by far my favorite, and for just a fleeting moment, a tiny wisp of time that hung in the air like fireflies in the summer skies, I wondered if I was in love with him.

"Fuck." I muttered.

I heard knocking at the door, and Dan's voice echoing though the bathroom.

"Sebastian? Are you alright?" he asked, his voice worried.

_No. No, I am not fucking alright. I love you._

"Yeah! Coming in a bit!" I answered. I sighed and glanced at my reflection one more time. I ran my fingers through my hair and opened the door.

There he was, right in front of me. He looked up into my eyes and squeezed my arm lightly.

"You okay, Seb?"

_Oh my fucking God_. I barely contained myself to not jump on him right then.

"Dan, I-…" I placed my face in both of my hands, feeling confused. I looked him in the eyes, and placed a hand on his cheek. He was burning.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm alright." I said as I smiled. "And you?"

"I don't…feel so good." He balanced on his feet, looking as if he was going to pass out.

"Dan? Dan!" I caught him before he made contact with the ground. His face buried in my shoulder and he felt so hot at touch, I never saw such fever.

"Seb-…astian." He whispered, his warm breath caressing the skin from around the collar of my t-shirt. "Thank you…" He said, and then his eyes closed.

"Phil! Call 911!" I yelled, feeling Dan's warm tears trickling down my shirt.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Please leave a review and let me know what you think! :]** _And thank you each and single one of you for the awesome, beautiful reviews, for the favorites and follows. You guys don't know how awesome you make my day when i see feedback from you! :]_

* * *

_ "Dan, remember that no matter what I will always protect you." He confessed. (Seb's reaction)_

_**/lw2tvot**_

_ "I gave Dan one last glance"_

**/ks8jzjo**

_"Oh my fucking God_. I barely contained myself to not jump on him right then"

******/kpgognc**

_"Dan, I-…" I placed my face in both of my hands, feeling confused."_

**/myzcxyz**


	22. His voice was all he needed

**_Guys, i think i've made a big mistake. I've let Dan become the typical, annoying "can't-do-nothing-without-him/them" main character, and this story, the typical reverse-harem thing. I will give Dan more power in the next chapters, I promise. (I will spice things up a bit also)._**

**_Enjoy! _**

* * *

Chapter 23:

**Jessie's POV:**

I looked out the window. The sky was tar-black and the large clouds were moving towards me. I heard a tapping on the window and then it became a pitter-patter. People ran for cover outside and umbrellas were opened as the clouds spat out their beads of water. Puddles began plinking as the rainfall became heavier. The roofs of the cars danced with spray and I could hear the murmuring of the rain through the window. It sounded like the buzzing of angry bees.

Sebastian hadn't been home for two days now and I started to get bored. I got up from the sofa, putting my T.V. to record the latest episode of Master Chef and went to the kitchen, packing some sandwiches in my backpack and read again the text Seb sent earlier.

_"Langone M.C. Ask for Dan Howell."_

_Dan must be that guy_, I thought and made my way out of the house, locking the door and searching for a cab.

* * *

I quickened my pace as the modern; glass building appeared from around the corner and wondered what the hell Sebastian did this time.

* * *

**Dan's POV:**

_Water, water, everywhere and not a drop to drink. I am doomed. The wooden planks of flotsam I cobbled together after the shipwreck are coming loose. I am sitting on a floating coffin with makeshift oars. It's like Satan's sauna out here in this big, blue tomb. The emptiness in my soul matches the spiritless sky and the featureless waterscape around me._

_The days are the worst. The remorseless sun bends his full will against my survival and he is winning. I feel like I have been stabbed by a million sun spears. My blood simmers, my brain stews, and even my bones seem to smolder in their meaty carcass. Dead man drifting. That's who I am. I am floundering in a sea of divine-blue quicklime and there's no escape. My tongue feels like a slab of lead, cloven to the roof of my mouth. My throat is parched and my lips are chapped and flaky. Only a god could save me now. Below the surface, huge shapes glide. Their fins break the surface like steel triangles, leaving barely a ripple. They circle and circle, constantly searching for weakness. They have followed me for two days and nights, cruel and cunning as they are. The knife fixed to the end of the oar can only keep them at bay for so long._

_The tides are the mistress of the sea. They dictate the level of wind necessary for my forward movement. No tides, no wind, no survive. That's why I hate the nights. A vast shroud of Barabbas –black fills the abyss of sky above. The wind dies down as the eerie, spectral moon appears. It casts down splinters of Solomon-gold, making the sea crests sparkle like elf-light. It is merely an illusion of beauty. I can see the full glitter of their beady eyes and the flash of their scalpel sharp teeth as they grin at me. The only sounds to keep me company are the sigh of wind, the slap of oar and the slosh of wave. The leavening sea is my enemy. It is as cold as a ghoul's soul and my teeth are rattling and chattering. The haunting cheep-cheep of a passing tern reminds me how powerless I really am. Even he can go home. The stink of a thousand seas surrounds me. It is a mix of rotting kelp and dying fish. It assaults my nostrils and steals my hope._ Where am I?

**Jessie's POV:**

The automatic doors sled and I entered the Langone Medical Centre, stunned by the bright lights of the lobby and the whiteness of everything around me. It looked more like a winter landscape than like a hospital. I walked towards the lady sat at the round desk with blue margins, dressed in a white gown, showing off a brilliant smile.

"Hello, Miss. How may I help you?" She asked.

"Umm…I'm looking for…Dan Howell?"

"One moment please." She checked her computer then looked back at me, handing me a clipboard. "Please sign here."

As I wrote my name and signed next to it, she shook her head, her smiling face turning into a professional mask of sadness.

"Poor gal, hope he gets better." She patted me on the shoulder. "I know it's hard."

"Umm, I'm here for my…"

"He's in room 231. The elevator is next to the waiting rooms." She gave me a comforting smile and I managed to return it.

As I passed through the huge hallway, waiting for the elevator, the sound and smell of a typical hospital managed to crawl under the deceiving façade they tried to create with the "pure" and "heavenly" white thrown everywhere. The screams and weeping coming from the patients' room, the smell of despair and death, the injured, disabled people waiting to be treated, they all added a little to the actual goriness of the highly-modern hospital.

The metallic doors of the elevator opened with a beep, and from them came a nurse pushing the wheeling chair of an old lady. I smiled and went past them, pushing the green button which said _11 (Rooms 220-240). _

With small steps, I made my way to Room 231. I knocked at the door, some male's voice asking:

"Who is it?"

"Jess, can I come in?" I said. I could hear quiet mutters then the male approving.

I opened to door, and saw Sebastian with his face hidden in his hands, supporting himself with his elbows on his knees, almost as if he was crying or hiding from something. A raven haired boy sat next to him, staring at the brunette laying in the bed.

"Sebastian…?" I asked. He raised his head. His eyes were blood-shot red as if he hadn't slept since two days ago when he left the house. His usual smile disappeared, leaving place for a barren and lifeless expression. "When are you coming home?" I carefully asked him. He didn't respond, just stared at something above me. I moved closer and looked at the boy who lay in the sheets. An oxygen mask covered most of his features, but you could still see that he was really nice looking, brown hair adorning his visage. A bunch of little tubes were attached to his hand, which he held in the raven haired boy's one. _So, this is Dan._

"What happened to him?" I asked them.

"We don't really know." The boy who seemed really close to Dan answered. "We're still waiting for the doctor to tell us." He looked up to me, his blue eyes looking almost if they couldn't contain the tears anymore. He softly let go of Dan's hand, placing in on the white mattress and got up. He tugged the hem of Dan's gown up, showing that almost all of his stomach was covered in bandages. Dan squirmed under the covers and his brow creased. Blue-eyes tugged him back in then took his hand back into his, whispering and kissing his forehead.

"Shh, Baby, everything's alright, I'm here."

I looked back at my brother, and suddenly all made sense to me. The way Sebastian diverted his eyes somewhere else when Blue-eyes showed his affection towards Dan, the way he clenched his fists when Dan's forehead was kissed, these signs betrayed him. He really was in loved with Dan.

I took a seat next to him and opened my backpack, offering the boys the sandwiches I took from home. They both shook their head in denial.

* * *

When the clock ticked 7 p.m. we heard the first sound from Dan, and to Sebastian luckiness, it was his name. His eyes widened with curiosity, the little spark in them coming back to life.

Dan said it again, and I could see Blue-eyes frowning.

"Maybe he is dreaming that you kill him." He muttered.

Sebastian's mouth curled into a soft smile, and for the first time since I came there I saw him go closer to Dan. He leaned his weight on the cradles of the bed, his face hovering over Dan's.

"Dan." He said softly.

And as if his voice was all he needed, Dan's eyes shot open.

* * *

**Sebastian's POV:**

They hit you out of nowhere. When bad things come, they come suddenly, without warning. We rarely get to see the catastrophe coming, no matter how well we try to prepare for it. We do our very best, but sometimes it's just not good enough. We buckle our seatbelt, we wear a helmet, we stick to the lighted paths, and we try to be safe. We try so hard to protect ourselves, but it doesn't make a damn bit of difference. Because when the bad things come, they come out of nowhere. The bad things come suddenly, with no warning. But we forget that sometimes that's how the good things come too.

A few years ago I was drawn to all the wrong things: I liked to drink, I was lazy, I didn't have a god, politics, ideas, ideals. I was settled into nothingness; a kind of non-being, and I accepted it. I didn't make for an interesting person. I didn't want to be interesting, it was too hard. What I really wanted was only a soft, hazy space to live in, and to be left alone. On the other hand, when I got drunk I screamed, went crazy, got all out of hand. One kind of behavior didn't fit the other. I didn't care.

I have had my chances. I have tried and tried. I have stitched life into me like a rare organ, and walked carefully, precariously, like it was about to brake. I have tried not to think too hard. I have tried to be natural. I have tried to be blind in love, like other men. Blind in my bed, with my dear blind sweet one, not looking, through the thick dark, for the face of another.

Then the good things came. I managed to get myself a house, meet new people, take care of my sister, and meet Dan_. Dan, Dan, Dan, fucking hell, do you know you're an angel who forgot how to fly? The mask you wear must be so heavy to carry, love. I can taste it beneath your laughter, in the false parentheses that punctuate your smile; you can only pretend for so long until a knife on your skin is the only way to carve that god-forsaken mask. There's a mirror in you that I see reflected in my own broken soul. I cannot promise your pain will ease, love, but I can promise that I will never leave your side._

_I will never forget the things you said to me. Not because they mattered, but because they made me feel like I did._

When your eyes opened at the sound of my voice…I don't know how to explain this…I felt like I never loved anyone the way I loved you. But why? Why? Why? _Why?_ I couldn't take you away from him, because he was the lover in your life and out of all the people who could have ripped me to shreds, why on Earth did it have to be you? Anyway, I had reluctantly accepted suffering as an inevitable component of deep passion.

* * *

_**Thanks for reading! Please leave a review and let me know what you think! :]**_

_"Sebastian's mouth curled into a soft smile"_

**/mwkx99c**

* * *

I have deleted Chapter 8, forget it ever happened, because suddenly i had another idea about the course which this story is going to take. (Ch 8 was between "I prefer you under me" and "You are missing from me".)

And i thought about something guys, something that could possibly motivate me to write and post the story faster. From now, i will post the next chapter of this fiction when we reach a goal, like 50 reviews or something. So yeah, i will try to immedietaly post the next chapter i we try and reach 50 reviews! :]


	23. A snowfall of love

**Just as I promised, enjoy and please leave a review! :]**

* * *

Chapter 23:

**Dan's POV:**

_What the hell was happening? The black abyss of the sky above me started cracking, a veil of poltergeist-white mist swaddled through the fissures of the firmament. The deathly vapor didn't lick the sea's cold water as the wind was known to do. Its tongue-less form wouldn't allow it to. Instead, it warped around by using its spineless tentacles to trail around everything. It drifted and ghosted, glided and dangled. Then it pounced. Once it was sure it had conjured up enough of its milky white substance, it clung to and enrobed everything it could. Nothing was spared. _

_Although it looked ethereal and gossamer-fragile, it packed a punch far above its weightlessness. It writhed and coiled with delight, its ghostly scarves wrapping the sea and me in a maze of mist. Then its age-old enemy arrived to banish it into nothingness. Darts of icy rain came spitting from the sky. They hissed and swished, shredding the veil into collars of isolated steam._

_Dark shadows rose up from the outraged sea. _Monsters_. Their fearful eyes were glittering with hostility. They were as wild and fearsome as any bull. One of them swung his mace and nearly decapitated me. I could feel its passage whisking my hair as I ducked. They were demons, these adversaries of me. They hated the grain-eaters, or so they called me. They preferred to rip and gorge on human flesh and we were afraid of them. Some of them were hard of eye and stony of face. Others were wild-eyed savages with a berserk nature._

_They all shared the same Cossack-cold look in their eyes. Their voices were as lifeless as a burial chamber. Even when they taunted me, when they tried to be honey-tongued, their voices echoed with brutality. Their callused, knotty fingers beckoned us to fight them and they smashed their fists against their bulbous noses to prove their bravery. Hairs as hard as a boar's bristles sprouted from their faces. Their head hair was knotted and clotted with dry, human blood. Cauliflower ears sprouted out from either side of the head, puffy and raw from countless battles. Even their faces were bestial, nicked and notched from axe and sword._

_He gave me a leer as he swung his mace with that demonic power of his._

"_Dan!" The creature's of the sea spiteful voice yelled as he let go of his mace, letting it fly towards me. "I am the air in your lungs, the blood in your veins. I am all the voices you hear, and I will never go away." His whisper tore my skin apart. I closed my eyes before the blade of his mace could hit me._

* * *

Voices floated through the darkness. Dreams. "Are you a wizard, brother?" A girly voice spoke.

"You should join the fucking Red Cross with that miracle-voice of yours." It was Phil.

"Shut up. Maybe it was just a coincidence."

"I hope."

I shut closed my eye-lids and lay there. I wasn't dreaming. I remembered the monster's blade coming straight towards me. I was alive.

"Dan, are you awake?"

I opened my eyes. Light speared into my head. I closed my eyes against the light and the pain, but the pain stayed. I turned my head, and that was a mistake. The pain was a nauseating ache. It felt like the bones in my head were trying to slide off. I raised hands to cover my eyes and groaned.

"Dan, are you alright?" The same persistent voice asked.

Why do people always ask you that when the answer is obviously no? I spoke in a whisper, not sure how it would feel to talk. It didn't feel too bad. "Just peachy keen." My voice was sort of blocked by an oxygen mask.

"What?" This was from the girl.

"I think he is being sarcastic," Phil said. He sounded relieved. "He can't be feeling too badly if he is making jokes."

I wasn't sure about the feeling too badly part. Nausea flowed in waves, from stomach to head.

"The nurse is here."

Somebody pressed a catch near the pillow and raised the head of the bed until I was in a half-seated position. My eyes drooped instantly, but I fought to stay awake.

I swallowed, trying to breathe through the pain and nausea. "Water. Please." I felt my mouth bone-dry.

At that precise moment, the nurse returned with a glass of water with a straw in it. She gave me an appraising look before offering the glass questioningly. A pale hand took it from her without hesitation and held the straw up to my lips. The nurse then left, saying that she was going to inform the doctor that I was awake then perform some routine checks. I took a small sip of the water and swallowed thickly. Then I took another.

I gasped. "I am going to be sick."

I rolled my head to my right. The movement was too rapid. The pain was a whirl of light and darkness. My stomach heaved. Vomit burned up my throat. My head was exploding.

"I'm sorry but you need to give him some space." The nurse said.

I put a hand to my mouth and at the same time the nurse took one look at me and snagged one of those cardboard bowls from the small cabinet. Just in time. I retched but, as I hadn't been eating anything by mouth, my stomach was empty. All that came up was bile and spit. I knew they were grimacing at the gut-wrenching sound I was making, but a hand rubbed my back through it, as did the nurse. When it was over, she took the bowl away and put a small stack on the bedside cabinet. I rolled onto my side and buried my head into the pillow, crying with humiliation. "Hey, now," the nurse soothed, "it's okay. Believe it or not that's a good sign. It means your body is starting to fight the wounds that nasty boy gave you."

"What?"

"He could be in jail, you know?" She left, shaking her head in disapproval.

"Please don't hate me." A quiet whisper at my ear said. My vision was still blurred. "I'm so sorry. If I'd known earlier… I would have stopped him. I won't let it happen again. But, how are you feeling? Honestly?"

"Sick…really sick and sore. Everything hurts." I admitted, closing my eyes. The world began to go black.

Phil leant forward and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. I stared at him, distinguishing two blue spots as his eyes as I reached up to touch his cheek.

"Why do I feel like everything's falling apart when you are not around?"

I heard a small groan in the near distance. Was that Sebastian?

"Sleep, Dan." Phil said softly.

"It's not your fault." I tried to continue as tiredness got the better of me. "Stay, please." I whispered.

"I am not going anywhere." He replied, linking our fingers together. My fingers curled around his before I slowly felt my body going lax and darkness took everything away.

* * *

**Sometime mid-week of the 2nd week of December (3rd person)**

"Dan? Why do you have a rubber chicken taped to your head?" Phil asked, attempting to sound nonchalant rather than incredulous.

"I'm trying to engage with my inner spirituality." Dan replied calmly, cracking one eye open. He was sitting on the floor in the middle of Phil's living-room with his legs crossed, eyes closed and hand in some kind of Buddhist prayer position. His bare feet were almost purple so God knows how long the idiot had been sitting there.

Phil's eyebrows rose even higher, nearly touching his hairline, "By taping a rubber chicken to your head?"

"I didn't have a feather." Dan shrugged, as though this was an obvious explanation, "Now shush, you're hashing my mellow."

"Hashing your mellow…?" Phil repeated faintly, wondering if his boyfriend had finally cracked, "Dan, you have been watching way too much T.V. Get up; I'm taking you out before you do something that's crazy even for you."

Dan's eyes snapped open and he suddenly grinned like a maniac, "Okay!" Then he was up on his feet and dashing for his shoes, leaving Phil standing there, feeling like he had just been conned.

* * *

**Twenty minutes later…**

It was the first time Dan had really been out of the house in three weeks. In fact, it was probably the first time since the stomach infection that he had been out for anything other than going back to his house to visit his mother. The sheer joy on his face made Phil feel a little guilt. Dan must have been feeling some level of cabin fever with being housebound for so long- but he had never complained. Then again, Dan didn't like to complain and, if he did, you knew it was something worth complaining about. His positive shield was one of the things Phil both loved and found incredibly irritating about his boyfriend.

They weren't going anywhere special – just out for a walk through the nearby woods. As they walked, around them the hedgerows and trees were barren and glistening with frost. Underfoot, the potholes were frozen over and crunched noisily under their boots. Dan was the one to start up the conversation – about Pandas of all things. He talked about a documentary he'd watched yesterday on the Discovery Channel. Phil listened indulgently, occasionally making a comment or a confirmative noise. Sometimes he just liked to listen to Dan talk away – about anything really – Dan had a way of making even the most boring of topics interesting.

"Oh," said Dan softly, making Phil blink. He stared as Dan's gaze lifted up, catching his breath when those chocolate brown eyes met his but rose up further and further, Dan tilting his head back… Phil looked up too.

"Oh," He breathed as a speck of white floated down and melted against his forehead. It was initially cold but quickly warmed up on his skin and evaporated. The next one hit his eyelash, the third into his right eye. He blinked the cold wetness away and lowered his head. Dan was still looking up and now had his mouth open – his tongue trying to catch a flake of snow. It was the most adorable thing Phil had ever seen.

Dan suddenly lowered his head too, tongue back in his mouth, and he looked back at Phil with the toothiest grin possible; His face was just lit up in wonder and it was kind of breath-taking. Phil was mesmerized. He stared, almost cross-eyed, as a large snowflake landed on the tip of Dan's nose and slowly melted. He couldn't help himself; he dipped forward and softly pressed his lips to his, in a lingering and hungry kiss. Phil pulled Dan closer to him, pinning him to his body, his arm warped protectively around his waist, the other, caressing the back of his head. Their once cold lips, melted in the heat of the kiss, curtains of silver flakes pouring around them. As Phil continued to feed from the sweetness of Dan's mouth, with a giggle, the brunette pushed him in the blanket of snow. They both fell in the icy-cold snowfall, mouths still linked together. Phil hugged Dan tighter to his chest, feeling the heat from his boyfriend's body. They pulled away for a few seconds, staring into each other's eyes, ocean-blue pouring into chocolate brown. Phil tucked Dan's fringe back under his beanie. Dan's soft and pink lips pressed against Phil's again.

"Do you believe in soul mates?" Dan asked him.

Phil hesitated for a moment, breathing the winter-cold air which stung his lungs.

"I like the idea. That someone, somewhere is made for you, forever." He whispered. "And I know that life isn't life if you just float through it. I know that the whole point – the only point – is to find the things that matter, and hold on to them, and fight for them, and refuse to let them go." And then he said nothing at all, but simply stared upward into the dark sky and watched the slow dance of the infinite stars. "Dan." Phil breathed as his vision lowered, meeting the eyes which belonged to the love of his life. Diamond tears sparkled in his blue orbs, almost freezing as they fell on his cheeks. "Don't you ever dare to scare me like that again."

He left Dan confused for a few moments, but he understood. It was the first time he saw Phil crying and he felt like something inside him tore apart.

"I love you." He found himself confess. "I love you..." He said again, letting his head fall forward onto Phil's chest. Phil's pale hand, as white as the snow around them, pressed to the back of his head. He kissed Dan so deeply that they didn't know who was breathing from whom.

"I love you too. I loved you since the beginning and none of your scars can make me love you less."

* * *

**Please leave a review if you enjoyed! (I'll immediately post the next chapter at 54-55 reviews)**


	24. At the crack of dawn

**Well, I only asked for 54/55 reviews, but got 74. Can't complain. Thank you lolitaliz. And as i promised, the next chapter! Enjoy!**

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Chapter 24:

**Dan's POV:**

**~5 days until Christmas~**

My head rolled to the side and I patted around in the dark, trying to find the source of the buzzing. It was 4.46 in the morning and the last thing I wanted was to be woken up from my slumber. I squinted my eyes, the light coming from the phone's screen blinding me, illuminating the room which was covered in the silent darkness of the early morning.

"Yeah?" I asked, staring at the ceiling.

"Dan." Phil's husky voice echoed through the phone-line. He sounded concerned? Bored? Sad? It was hard to distinguish.

"Phil…why aren't you sleeping?" I rubbed my eyes with my free hand. "It's like…5 a.m."

"I just…wanted to hear your voice." He said quietly. I knew something was wrong. He could've waited until later on.

"What happened?"

"What? Am I not allowed to yearn for my lover's voice?"

"Not at the crack of dawn!" I complained.

"Dan…I…need you."

The sunrise started to creep through my curtains.

"Phil? What happened?" I got up in a seated position. The blanket fell from me and I shivered at the contact with the cold air of the winter.

"It's just that I…Could you come over?"

"Wha- Of course I could, but I don't think there are any cabs at this hour."

"Don't worry. I'll send Clancy."

"Clancy as in…your chauffeur?" I asked him.

"You got it."

_Fuck._ I could've just walked.

I put down the phone and watched as the large glowing sphere rose slowly into the dull morning sky, casting sunbeams in every direction while it illuminated the snow-bound city. I stared out the glass panes as the colors made by the rising sun changed, growing more vivid with the passing time, making the sky more radiant as it climbed higher and higher into the sky. It was still paler than the usual summertime sun, but it still managed to bring warmth to the surroundings.

I got out of bed and dressed up, arranged myself in the mirror and brushed my teeth. I sighed and made my way downstairs. Everybody was still asleep. I picked up my backpack and got out in the coldness of December.

Outside, a black Bentley Mulsanne was parked. Suddenly I felt like the poorest man alive.

"Good morning, Mr. Howell. My name is Alexander Clancy, Mr. Lester's chauffeur." The man next to the car introduced himself. He looked well-groomed, dressed in a clean and crisply pressed, black tuxedo. He had a matching tie, black leather gloves and freshly polished matching footwear. Even thought it was really cold outside and the pavement was covered with a layer of thick snow, he didn't seem to care.

He opened the passenger's door and with a gesture he invited me in. The interior of the car was unlike any other I have ever seen. I stepped inside and immediately became immersed in a unique atmosphere, the aroma of expensive leather invading my nostrils. _So this is how rich people feel all of the time._

* * *

I shouldn't have been so nervous riding a private elevator up to a penthouse apartment on Fifth Avenue. The sight of high ceilings and prewar architecture wasn't new to me, it wasn't my first time there, and really, it was all to be expected when dating a man who seemed to own damn near everything. And the coveted view of Central Park...well, of course he'd have one.

The metallic doors of the elevator opened and there he stood, waiting for me. He was dressed in black silk pajama bottoms that hung low around his hips. Nothing else. His hair was dark and thick around his breathtaking face, his eyes a wild and dazzling blue. In a word, he amazed me. I couldn't believe I'd made love to such a gorgeous man.

"Dan?"

"You're beautiful Phil." The words fell out of my mouth without conscious thought.

His brows lifted; then softness came into his eyes. "I'm glad you like what you see."

But Phil's tension was palpable and I knew something was a big deal for him. The elevator opened directly into his apartment's marbled entry foyer. He unlocked the double-door entrance to usher me inside, and I could feel his anxiety as he watched me with the corner of his eye.

Phil's home was as beautiful as the man himself. His private space was warm and sumptuous, filled with antiques and art anchored by gorgeous Aubusson rugs laid over gleaming hardwood floors. It was always a pleasure to come back here from my common and simple house.

"Come in." He tugged me deeper into the apartment. "I want you to sleep here tonight. And what remains of this morning."

"I don't have clothes and stuff…"

"All you need is a toothbrush. I have one in the bathroom."

He pulled me into him and set his chin on the crown of my head. "I'd really like you to stay, Dan. I need to talk with you about something and I need to hang on to you for a while."

"I need to be held." I caressed the silken hardness of his bare back. "I could also use a shower."

With his nose in my hair, he inhaled deeply. "I like you smelling like me."

But he led me through the living room and down a hall to his bedroom.

"Wow," I breathed when he flicked on the light. A massive sleigh bed dominated the space, the wood dark - which he seemed to prefer - and the linens a soft cream. The rest of the furnishings matched the bed and the accents were brushed gold. "It's not like I remember it."

"I redecorated."

It was a warm, masculine space with no art on the walls to detract from the serene crepuscule view of Central Park and the magnificent residential buildings on the other side.

"The bathroom's in here."

As I took in the vanity, which appeared to have been made out of an antique claw-footed walnut cabinet, he pulled towels out of a companion armoire and set them out for me, moving with that confident sensual grace I admired so much. Seeing him in his home, dressed so casually, touched me. Knowing I was the only man to have this experience with him affected me even more. I felt like I was seeing him more naked now than I ever had. "Thank you."

He glanced at me and seemed to understand that I was talking about more than the towels. His stare burned through me. "It feels good to have you here."

"I have no idea how I ended up like this, with you." And I wasn't talking about how his chauffeur drove me here. But I really, really liked it.

"Does it matter?" Phil came to me, tilting my chin up to press a kiss to the tip of my nose. "I'll lay out a T-shirt for you on the bed. Caviar and vodka sound good to you?"

"Well...that's quite a step up from toast and jam."

He smiled. "Petrossian's Ossetra."

I didn't know what he was talking about. "Yeah. Sure. Whatever floats your boat."

* * *

A small blaze flickered in the fireplace and a bottle of vodka sat in an ice-filled bucket on the coffee table. A grouping of ivory candles had been clustered as a centerpiece, their golden glow the only illumination besides the fire.

I joined Phil in the living room, and we sat on the floor at the coffee table to eat the prized caviar with mini toast and crème fraiche. It was only 6 in the morning. We watched a rerun of a New York-set police procedural that just happened to include a scene filmed on the street in front of Lester Industries.

"I think it'd be cool to see a building I owned on TV like that," I said.

"It more my father's but it's not bad, if they don't close off the street for hours to film."

I bumped shoulders with him. "Pessimist."

We crawled into Phil's bed at seven thirty and watched the last half of a show while curled up together. Sexual tension crackled in the air between us, but he didn't make any overtures so I didn't either.

"So," I began. "What did you want to talk about?"

He hesitated, staring at me. It appeared as if he was having an internal battle.

"I've got a fight."

"Wait. What?" I shook my head. "You said you didn't fight."

"I know but something has been sorted out for Friday night." He looked me in the eyes. "They use to hold a boxing match each year, one day before Christmas. As a "Christmas Special."

I looked down at my hands, fiddling with my fingers, remembering Phil had told me he punched above his weight. It would be a danger for his competitor. I frowned.

"Is he in your weight class?" I abruptly asked.

He hesitated again, not sure if it was best to divulge that certain detail.

"Phil." My tone demanding.

I gripped his shoulder. My fingertips dug into his skin. But I grew more frustrated as a smirk spread on his beautiful face.

"You're cute when you're angry."

I flinched away when his hand came up to brush against my cheek. Phil was trying to distract me and his plan succeeded for a couple of seconds before I realized what he was up to.

"Stop it and answer the question." I bit back. I thought this was a big deal for him, but now he seemed really careless.

Eyebrows were raised at my less than pleased tone. He gave me a cheeky grin. He looked so young.

"No."

Phil's head tilted to the side, smiling as he waited to see my reaction.

"No?" I asked, creasing my forehead.

"He's in the next class up." Phil stated.

"Y-you can't do it! T-The guy you'll be fighting, he'll be bigger than you. This is dangerous, Phil."

I grew increasingly anxious. I didn't want to see Phil hurt. My mind then flickered to where it was going to be held. The gym where he worked would never allow him to fight, let alone against someone in a different weight class. That's when I realized he hadn't told them.

I got out of bed and started walking up and down the room. Phil watched me amused from the bed.

"This fight isn't legal, is it?" My voice was quiet.

Phil's tongue swiped over his full lips, blue eyes intensely peering into mine.

"Technically, no."

"Oh my god. Phil you can't do this." I spoke, desperately trying to convince him.

He fluttered his hand, signaling me to come back to bed. I complied. As much as I desired his outrageously sexy body and felt good just hanging out together, he really troubled me.

I lay next to him and nuzzled my nose between his pecs, feeling the tickle of crisp chest hair against my cheek and breathing in the reassuring, familiar scent of his skin.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him, yawning.

He closed his eyes, pretending he didn't hear me. I did the same, and tried to think of something else. I tossed one leg over his, wrapped an arm around his waist, and rested my cheek over his heart. I don't remember the ending of the show, so I suppose I fell asleep before it was over.

* * *

_"Why are you doing this?"_

_**/mk24tvs**_

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Please leave a review if you enjoyed! :]


	25. Lie down for me, baby

_**Oh my god guys! Are you on a review-spree or something? Thank you so so much, you never fail to make my day! Thank you potatoes, your reviews are so beautiful. The first part of this chapter is just for you *Teehee***_

_**Enjoy!**_

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Chapter 25:

**Dan's POV:**

I woke to darkness and the scent of Phil's skin, the lights and sounds of the city shut out by soundproofed windows and blackout drapes.

Phil slid over me, a moving shadow, his burning skin hot to the touch. His mouth slanted over mine, kissing me slow and deeply, tasting of mint and his own unique flavor. My hands slid down his sleekly muscular back, my legs parting so he could settle comfortably between them. The weight of him against me made my heart sigh and my blood warm with desire.

"Well, hello to you, too. Where have you been?" I said breathlessly when he let me up for air.

"To the gym." Hu murmured in that sexy and decadent voice, nibbling at my throat.

"I see." I looked at the clock on the bedside. It was 1 p.m.

I pushed my hands up beneath his shirt to feel his damp skin and the hardness of the muscles beneath it.

He got up and toed off his sneakers and yanked his tank over his head.

Oh my God...seeing him in the flesh - all of him, as his shorts hit the floor - was synapse frying. There wasn't an ounce of excess flesh on him anywhere, just hard slabs of honed muscle. He had washboard abs and that super sexy V of muscle on his pelvis that my friend Dean called the Loin of Apollo. Phil didn't wax his chest like most of the men did, but he groomed with the same care he showed to the rest of his body. He was pure primal male, the embodiment of everything I coveted, fantasized about, and wished for.

"I've died and gone to heaven," I said, staring unabashedly

"You're still dressed." He attacked my clothes, whipping the loosened top in which I slept off before I took a full breath. My boxers were wrestled down. I barely caught my breath before he was on me.

We rolled across the mattress in a tangle. Everywhere he touched me left trails of fire behind. The clean, hardworking scent of his skin was an aphrodisiac and intoxicant at once, spurring my desire for him until I felt like I was about to lose my mind.

"You're so beautiful, Dan." He nipped at the skin of my neck.

I cried out at the scorching heat and the lash of his tongue, getting harder and harder with every soft suck. My hands were greedy as they slid over his sweat-damp skin, stroking and kneading, searching for the spots that made him growl and moan. I scissored my legs with his and tried to roll him, but he was too heavy and too strong.

He lifted his head and smiled down at me. "It's my turn this time."

What I felt for him in that moment, seeing that smile and the heat in his eyes, was so intense it was painful. Too fast, I thought. I was falling too fast. "Phil - "

He kissed me deeply, licking into my mouth in that way of his. I thought he could really make me come with just a kiss, if we stayed at it long enough. Everything about him turned me on, from the way he looked and felt beneath my hands to the way he watched me and touched me. His greed and the silent demands he made on my body, the forcefulness with which he pleasured me and took his pleasure in return, drove me wild.

I ran my hands through the wet silk of his hair. The feel of his rock-hard body against mine was enough to make me hard and needy.

"I love your body," he whispered, his lips moving across my cheek to my throat. His hand caressed the length of my torso from chest to hip. "I can't get enough of it."

"You haven't had very much of it yet," I teased.

"I don't think I'll ever have enough." Nibbling and licking across my shoulder, he slid down and caught a nipple between his teeth. He tugged and the tiny dart of pain had my back arching on a soft cry. He soothed the sting with a soft suck; then kissed his way downward. "I've never wanted anything this badly."

"Then do me!"

"Not yet," he murmured, moving lower, rimming my navel with the tip of his tongue. "You're not ready yet."

"What? Ah, God...I can't get any readier." I tugged on his hair, trying to pull him up.

Phil caught my wrists and pinned them to the mattress. "You have a tight little ass, Dan. I'll bruise you if I don't get you soft and relaxed."

A violent shiver of arousal moved through me. It turned me on when he talked so bluntly about sex. Then he slid lower and I tensed. "No, Phil. I need to shower for that."

I struggled against his hold, flushed with sudden shame. He nipped at my inner thigh with his teeth. "Stop it."

"Don't. Please. You don't have to do that."

His glare stilled my frantic movements. "Do you think I feel differently about your body than you do mine?" he asked harshly. "I want you, Dan."

I licked my dry lips, so crazily turned on by his animal need that I couldn't form a single word. He growled softly and dove for the slick flesh between my legs. His tongue was hot, licking and caressing the sensitive length. My hips churned restlessly, my body silently begging for more. It felt so good I could've wept.

"God, Dan. I've wanted my mouth on all over your body every day since I saved you."

As the velvet softness of his tongue flickered over my swollen tip, my head pressed hard into the pillow. "Oh my God, Phil. Yes. Make me come, please, please." I begged.

He did, with the gentlest of suction and a hard lick. I writhed as the orgasm jolted through me, my body tensing violently, my limbs shaking. His tongue thrust into my arse as it convulsed, rippling along the shallow penetration, trying to pull him deeper. His groans vibrated against my swollen flesh, goading the climax to roll on and on. Tears stung my eyes and coursed down my temples, the physical pleasure destroying the wall that kept my emotions at bay.

And Phil didn't stop. He circled the trembling entrance to my body with the tip of his tongue and lapped at my throbbing tip until I quickened again. Two fingers pushed inside me, curving and stroking. I was so sensitive I thrashed against the onslaught. Then he had three fingers in me, twisting and opening me.

"No." My head tossed from side to side, every inch of my skin tingling and burning. "No more."

"Once more," he coaxed hoarsely. "Once more, then I'll fuck you."

"I can't..."

"You will." He blew a slow stream of air over my wet flesh, the coolness over fevered skin reawakening raw nerve endings. "I love watching you come, Dan. Love hearing the sounds you make, the way your body quivers..."

He massaged a tender spot inside me and an orgasm pulsed through me in a slow, heated roll of delight, no less devastating for being gentler than the two before it.

His weight and heat left me. In a distant corner of my dazed mind, I heard a drawer opening, followed swiftly by the sound of foil tearing. The mattress dipped as he returned, his hands rough now as he yanked me down to the center of the bed. He stretched himself on top of me, pinning me, tucking his forearms on the outside of my biceps and pressing them to my sides, capturing me.

My gaze was riveted to his austerely beautiful face. His features were harsh with lust, his skin stretched tight over his cheekbones and jaw. His eyes were so dark and dilated they were black, and I knew I was staring into the face of a man who'd passed the limits of his control. It was important to me that he'd made it that far for my benefit and that he'd done so to pleasure and prepare me for what I knew would be a hard ride.

My hands fisted in the bedspread, anticipation building. He'd made sure I got mine, over and over again. This would be for him.

"Love me," I ordered, daring him with my eyes.

"Dan." He snapped out my name as he rammed into me, sinking balls-deep in one fierce drive.

I gasped. He was big, hard as stone and so damn deep. The connection was startlingly intense. Emotionally. Mentally. I'd never felt so completely...taken. Possessed.

I wouldn't have thought I could bear to be restrained during sex, but Phil's total domination of my body ratcheted my desire to an outrageous level. I'd never been so hot for it in my life, which seemed insane after what I'd experienced with him so far.

I clenched around him, relishing the feel of him inside me, filling me.

His hips ground against mine; prodding as if to say, Feel me? I'm in you. _I own you._

His entire body hardened, the muscles of his chest and arms straining as he pulled out to the tip. The rigid tightening of his abs was the only warning I got before he slammed forward. Hard.

I cried out and his chest rumbled with a low, primitive sound. "Christ...You feel so good."

Tightening his hold, he starting fucking me, nailing my hips to the mattress with wildly fierce drives. Pleasure rippled through me again, pushing through me with every hot shove of his body into mine_. Like this_, I thought. _I want you just like this._

He buried his face in my neck and held me tightly in place, plunging hard and fast, gasping raw, heated sex words that made me crazed with desire. "I've never been so hard and thick. I'm so deep in you...I can feel it against my stomach...feel my length pounding into you."

I'd thought of this round as his, and yet he was still with me, still focused on me, swiveling his hips to stroke pleasure through my melting core. I made a small, helpless sound of need and his mouth slanted over mine. I was desperate for him, my nails digging into his pumping hips, struggling with the grinding urge to rock into the ferocious thrusts.

We were dripping in sweat, our skin hot and slicked together, our chests heaving for air. As an orgasm brewed like a storm inside me, everything tightened and clenched, squeezing. He cursed and shoved one hand beneath my hip, cupping my rear and lifting me into his thrusts so that his head stroked over and over the spot that ached for him.

"Come, Dan," he ordered harshly. "Come now."

I climaxed in a rush that had me sobbing his name, the sensation enhanced and magnified by the way he'd confined my body. He threw his head back, shuddering.

"Ah, Dan!" He clasped me so tightly I couldn't breathe, his hips pumping as he came long and hard.

* * *

I've no idea how long we lay like that, leveled, mouths sliding over shoulders and throats to soothe and calm. My entire body tingled and pulsed.

"Wow," I managed finally.

"You'll kill me," he muttered with his lips at my jaw. "We're going to end up fucking each other to death."

"Me? I didn't do anything." He'd controlled me completely and how freakin' sexy was that?

"You're breathing. That's enough."

I laughed, hugging him.

Lifting his head, he nuzzled my nose. "We're going to eat, and then we'll do that again."

My brows lifted. "You can do that again?"

"All night." He rolled his hips and I could feel that he was still semi-hard.

"You're a machine," I told him. "Or a god."

"It's you." With a soft sweet kiss, he left me. He removed the condom, wrapped it in a tissue from the nightstand, and tossed the whole in the wastebasket by the bed. "We'll shower, then order from the restaurant downstairs. Unless you want to go down?"

"I don't think I can walk."

The flash of his grin stopped my heart for a minute. "Glad I'm not the only one."

"You look fine."

"I feel phenomenal." He sat back on the side of the bed and brushed my hair back from my forehead. His face was soft, his smile warmly affectionate.

I thought I saw something else in his eyes and the possibility closed my throat. It scared me.

"Bathe with me," he said, running his hand down my arm.

"Gimme me a minute to find my brain, then I'll join you."

"Okay." He went into the bathroom, giving me a prime view of his sculpted back and perfect ass.

* * *

He cupped water in his hand and poured in down my back, over and over, soothing me with its sinuous warmth. "I don't really remember my mom."

"Oh?" I tried to not tense up and reveal my surprise. Or my agitated excitement and desperate hunger to learn more about him. He'd never talked about his family before. It killed me not to prod with questions, but I didn't want to push if he wasn't ready...

His chest lifted and fell on a deep exhale. There was something in the sound of his sigh that brought my head up and ruined my intention to be cautious.

I ran my hand over his hard pectorals. "Want to talk about what you do remember?"

"Just...impressions. She wasn't around much. She worked a lot. I guess I get my drive from her."

"Maybe workaholism - is that a word? - is something you have in common, but that's it."

"How would you know?" he shot back, defiant.

Reaching up, I brushed the hair back from his face. I studied him. "Do you think that describes you?"

"I don't know," he answered quietly.

I pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. "Anyway, you're a keeper."

"I better be." His arms tightened around me. "I can't think about you with someone else, Dan. Just the idea of another man seeing you the way I do, seeing you like this...putting his hands on you...It takes me to a dark place."

"It's not going to happen, Phil." I knew how he felt. I wouldn't be able to bear it if he was intimate with another man.

"You've changed everything for me. I couldn't stand losing you."

I hugged him. "The feeling's mutual."

Tilting my head back, Phil took my mouth in a fierce kiss.

In moments it became clear we were soon going to be sloshing water all over the floor. I pulled away. "I need to eat if you want to go at it again, fiend."

"Says the boyfriend rubbing his wet naked body all over me." He sat back with a sinful smile.

"Let's order cheap Chinese and eat it out of the box with chopsticks."

"Let's order good Chinese and do that."

* * *

It was strange watching Phil train. Thim time he was the one taking powerful swings at the strike pads. He looked strong, in control; his complete focus on the task in front of him, channeling his anger into something he was skilled at. The guy with him was struggling slightly as Phil's gloves continually beat against the strike pads. But I couldn't shake the horrible feeling.

"He'll be alright you know." Blake spoke up.

I glanced to him sat beside me; my book lay forgotten in my lap.

"Did he tell you who he was fighting?"

I shook my head. I didn't really want to know who Phil was going up against. The thought churned my stomach. Images of him laid unconscious on the boxing ring floor flooded my mind.

"The guy is a bastard." Blake shook his head in disgust before he continued. "It's well known he beats the shit out of which ever girl he happens to be seeing that week."

My hand rose up to my mouth in shock.

I didn't need Blake to carry on. Nausea swept through me.

I glanced over to see the raven-haired guy staring directly at me. He'd stopped his training, gloves removed as he chugged down some water. His eyebrows came down in a frown as he took in my upset expression. I felt the table move as Blake got down, walking over to clear away some equipment. My focus fell back to my book as I heard bare feet pad across the floor to me. I refused to look up. He nudged his head into the crook of my neck, attempting to get a response.

"You're mad at me." He stated quietly, almost confirming to himself.

I wasn't mad. I was just worried. His plump lips kissed my neck but I remained expressionless towards him. I gasped slightly when his warm hand caught hold of my own, noticing him hesitate a little. His eyes were closed briefly before he spoke.

"Come on. You are going to be my motivation."

I was gently tugged from my seat and towed behind Phil to the blue practice mat. Phil stood tall in front of me, giving me a small smile.

"Lie down for me, baby."

I gave him a confused look before he nodded in encouragement. My eyes rolled as he took my hand, helping me down onto the springy mat. I was laid flat, staring up at the beautiful guy above me, not quite sure what his intentions were. Phil winked before positioning a knee either side of my waist. The large span of his hands spread both sides of my head. He shuffled slightly, straightening out his legs and arms. Phil's body lowered on his flexed muscles, face centimeters from mine as he commenced with his first push-up. A small kiss was stolen from my lips before he straightened his arms, rising over me. I giggled as he sweetly rubbed his nose against mine and then pulled away again. The third push-up was rewarded with a heavier kiss, Phil lingering as my hand reached up to grasp the nape of his neck.

He chuckled pulling away once more but was unable to complete a full press-up, my hand tugging him back down. Our lips forcefully pressed together as a low moan emitted from the back of his throat.

"Dan." He laughed.

My touch released as I watched Phil increase the distance between us. I liked taking part in this sort of exercise. It required nothing on my part other than laying beneath Phil, rewarding him with every push-up completed. We only made it to fourteen before I wrapped a leg round his waist, urging him down to me. Phil willingly compiled.

"Hmm, I like training with you. I can't really do this with anybody else." He teased.

I laughed at his comment.

"Good, because I don't want to share you."

A few more kissed were placed sporadically over my face before he withdrew. Phil intently observed me, noticing my change in mood.

"What's wrong?" He questioned.

"I know why you're fighting him… because of the girls." I spoke quietly.

The muscles in his arms seemed to tense further, still hovering over me.

"He's a fucking waste of space. None of those girls deserved that." His tone was harsh.

Phil noticed my body tense beneath him and he quickly made an effort to try and calm down. My fingers reached up to caress his cheek, jaw relaxing with my touch.

"He's been boasting for long enough how he could take me. Now he's got his chance."

By this time there were only a few people milling around, packing this away, including Blake. I gently pushed my hands to Phil's strong shoulders and he allowed me to roll him over. I laid on top of him, long fingers running up and down my spine.

"I still don't want you to fight, but now I understand." I spoke into his chest.

His torso steadily rose and fell beneath me.

"I'm sorry, Dan." He paused. "I want you to feel safe with me… I want to keep you safe."

"I love you so much." I whispered.

"I love you too." He kissed my forehead and smiled.

* * *

_"I laughed at his comment."_

_**/mdx63m6**_


	26. You are his weakness

**Sorry it took so long guys. Enjoy and please leave a review!**

* * *

Chapter 26:

**24****th**** of December:**

**Jessie's POV:**

"The cigarettes you light one after another won't help you forget him," I looked at Sebastian. His face was still distorted with sadness, his eyes, two blank voids, "Smoking kills."

"Well, everybody will die one day." He said, blowing the grey smoke up in the air. "I've always been afraid of losing people I love. Sometimes I wonder if there is anyone out there afraid to lose me." He said after a few minutes of silence.

"_I_ am afraid to lose you." I said as I sat next to him on the couch. "Sebastian, if he is stupid enough to walk away, then be smart enough to let him go."

"Are you sure you're eleven?" He asked with an amused tone.

"Actually I'm twelve, almost thirteen." I replied, frowning. "How can you not know how old I am?! I swear you're so ignorant sometimes."

He smiled with the corner of his mouth.

"Anyway, Seb," I continued, "two weeks passed since then. He didn't give any sign that he cares about you." I curled up next to him with my legs tucked underneath me.

"You're really cruel and you're not making this any better."

I laughed and kissed him on the cheek. "Sometimes," he said, sliding his arm across my shoulders, "people just want to be happy, even if it's not real. When you have feelings for someone, the only thing on your mind is that person; you want to tell them but you can't, because you fear rejection."

"Yeah but, in this case he already has a boyfriend. Rejection is inevitable."

"But I'm never going to know what his skin feels like pressed against mine, or what he likes in his coffee. Or if he even likes coffee… and I wonder why I love a stranger with all my heart, and why someone who doesn't even know my full name means more to me than I mean to myself." He said quietly. Outside, a speck of white floated down and melted against the window. I didn't know what to say and changed the subject:

"Are you going to the fight tomorrow?" I asked him. He looked at me, his eyebrows rising in surprise.

"What fight?"

"Don't you know? The boxing match, everybody is talking about it. The annual Christmas Special, it's held at Madison Square Garden."

"I don't know. Are they going to be dressed as Santa?"

"I hope not. Anyway, you can sit here and bawl your eyes out or you can come and help me with the Christmas tree." I patted him on the shoulder.

"But we don't even have a Christmas tree, stupid, don't you remember? We miss some parts from the old one." He flicked me on the forehead.

"Oh, yeah. I guess we should go buy one." I said, sticking my tongue out at him.

"Fine." With a groan he got up from the sofa and ruffled my hair. "Thanks about the romance advice." I grinned and winked at him.

* * *

Sebastian was awfully silent as we drove to the nearest Walmart. I knew something was troubling his mind and just hopped that it wasn't Dan again. I felt kind of bad, being the only person that thought that Dan wasn't worth all that much effort, but whatever, _c'est la vie_.

"Before it gets better; the darkness gets bigger; the person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger." I mumbled.

"What?" He asked me, his eyes flicked from the road to glance at me.

"Nothing." I waved it off. "Keep your eyes on the road, please."

He smiled, but there was something in his eyes, or his posture, hands clenched on the steering-wheel, that made him look serious. The car rode in its own tunnel of darkness. The headlights were a moving circle of light. The December night closed behind the car like a door.

* * *

**Later that evening:**

The world outside was silent, still and deadly. The ice-cold fangs of Jack Frost have bitten deep into the flesh and blood of the earth, extracting its life-force and leaving it clay-cold and drained. The night before, he was out and about, plunging his vampire-white teeth into what was left of nature's trembling, dying heart. There was no leaf-rustle, no birdsong, no grass-whisper. Everything was veiled in a layer of candyfloss-white snow. Underneath the crackling carpet of snow, the frost was silk-silver and polished everything with its shiny, glassy malice. Below the window sill, frost-spikes hung down like a phantom's despairing fingers. The frost hated every living thing. It seemed to swoop down from the iron sky and strangle the world into silence with its cold gleam and icy rime. It crept and crawled like a burglar's chilling shadow, stealing all signs of life from the land. When it has finished, the world was as cold and drawn as a zombie's face.

"You can give me the star now." I said, standing on the ladder that helped me reach the tip of the tree. Sebastian handed me the golden ornament and I finished decorating the Christmas tree. It had crimson ornaments this year, they were new, and the lighting bulbs were shining brilliant silver. I got down from the ladder and took a step back.

"It's beautiful!" I exclaimed.

"It is. I can't wait to see what gift you got me. I really hope it's that Rolex watch I kept dreaming about since I saw it."

"Seeeb," I whined and playfully hit him in the shoulder.

* * *

**The morning of the 25th of December:**

**Dan's POV:**

His mouth was slightly agape, soft snores falling from his plump lips. I smiled at Phil's hair, messy lock adorned the pillow. He lightly groaned as I carefully moved, wiggling down the bed. The covers went with me, revealing his toned chest as it rose up and down, but he didn't seem to mind the loss of the duvet, still fast asleep. He looked adorable.

My lips ghosted over the smooth skin of his stomach before moving lower. Small bursts of kisses were peppered over his left hip. Phil stirred slightly with the affection. I glanced up, long eyelashes still fanned over the top of his pale cheeks. Smiling, my fingers gently hooked into the elastic on his hip, slowly pulling it down for more access. I continued with my small pecks, then moving to kiss down his happy trail.

I had to bit my lip to prevent myself from giggling, my fingers gently easing down the elastic from below his belly button. I didn't quite manage my goal, Phil's large hands catching hold of my wrists and tugging me up the bed. His eyes were still closed as I lay on top of him. My giggling caused him to moan.

"What are you doing to me, boy?" His raspy voice asked.

I brushed my fingers over his cheek, gently encouraging his to allow me to see the sparkling blue eyes I loved.

"Mornin' , Handsome." I smiled.

He grinned, focus loked on my face. It was minutes before he spoke, forehead creasing in confusion.

"Were you going to wake me up with a blowjob?"

My cheeks blushed as I nuzzled into his neck, embarrassment taking over. It hadn't been my plan to wake him in such an intimate way. But I didn't deny it; I would allow him to believe it was my intention, simply because it was more fun. Maybe I would indulge him in the heated wake-up call another time. My face reddened at the thought.

"Because I can always go back to sleep and you can try again." He cheekily suggested.

I gasped at his proposal, lightly hitting him on the chest as he laughed.

Shortly after the tickling Phil had initiated I had gotten in the shower. I was just about to go and find him in the kitchen when a hard knock was heard from the front door.

"Dan, will you get that?" Phil spoke.

"Sure."

I put on a jumper Phil left out for me before walking down the hallway. My fingers gripped the cold handle before swinging the door open. I couldn't help but take a step back. The man in the doorway was huge, his height looming above me, much like Phil. My mouth seemed to dry as I peered up at him, his lips holding a smirk.

"Hmm, I was expecting someone a little taller." He joked. "Phil in?"

Tattoos trailed up one of his strong arms, a sleeve of dark color swarming on his skin. The ink stopped at the fabric on the arm of his t shirt. I swallowed down my fright before turning my head back round into the flat. I wondered how the lobby man let him in.

"Phil." I called.

My focus snapped back as I felt a large, cold hand on my shoulder. I stood frozen. His smiled was far from friendly as his icy eyes trailed down my figure.

"You Phil's mate?"

I wasn't sure what he meant by "meat.". I guess it was another way of saying boyfriend.

"Yes." I replied rather sharply before yanking his wrist away from me. "Phil!" My voice shouted urgently behind me.

The raven-haired guy hastily appeared moments later. Joggers slung low on his hips and he yanked a t shirt over his head before striding swiftly in our direction. He looked less than happy at the current situation in front of him. My upper arm was taken in his large hand, gently tugging me behind him. He stood tall and protective before turning to me.

"Go wait in the living room." He spoke quietly.

I gently squeezed his hand before complying, feet moving quickly to the lounge. Phil's focus was now on the, what looked to be, uninvited guest. My fingers hung onto the doorframe, peeking out to watch the interaction.

"What the hell do you want?" Phil asked through gritted teeth.

"I was sent to make sure you don't pussy out of this evening." He almost laughed.

"I'll be there." Phil's voice was hard.

I anxiously watched the exchange between the two towering males, my heart thumping as I noticed Phil's long fingers slowly curl into a tight fist by his side. But my vision was diverted to the other man who peered round Phil to me. The smile on his face put me on edge, even though I knew Phil would never let him get to me.

"I'd like to see him there too." The guy smirked.

My body stiffened. Phil's blue eyes found mine, their softness hardening before he spun and shoved the guy in the chest. The man stumbled back slightly.

"Fuck you." Phil angrily spat.

"Nah mate, I'd rather fuck girls."

The door was swiftly slammed in his face. Phil's breathing was erratic as his back pressed to the wood. I could tell he was desperately trying to cling on to any calm he possessed. I hesitantly moved towards him, aware he was still angry.

"Phil?"

My voice was quiet. His head remained bowed, not meeting my gaze as he concentrated on finding equilibrium. My hand slowly rose to his head, my fingers soothing stroking his locks; I knew it calmed him. His deep sigh told me my attempts were succeeding. My face dipped slightly, finding the warmth of his cheek before placing a small kiss to the skin.

His head rose to meet my cautious gaze as he caught hold of my hands, squeezing them as his thumbs rubbed over the backs.

"Did he hurt you?" He gushed.

"No." I replied, not wanting to provoke any unnecessary reaction.

I stared down at our hands. The simple gesture made me feel safe in his presence.

"When I heard you shout my name…" His voice cracked.

"I just thought you didn't hear me." I interrupted.

Phil's posture seemed to relax a little, his lips planting a soft kiss to my mouth. Our foreheads pressed together, inhaling each other's breath, long eyelashes tickling at my skin.

"Is he the guy you're fighting tonight?" I asked quietly.

"No, no that's his wanker of a brother." Phil's tone was holding distaste.

My fingers tightened around his, a lump forming in my throat.

"I don't want you to fight." I whispered, tears brimming in my eyes.

Phil's strong arms brought me into a tender, protective embrace, my body sinking into his.

"I know, Baby. I know."

* * *

**That night:**

I didn't like the surrounding inside. It was cold. The grubby white walls refusing to give off any comfort as I sat in the room Phil and his group had commandeered in the lead up to the fight. I had remained quiet on the car ride to the horrible building, my voice unable to speak any words that would be of help to Phil. I thought it best to say nothing at all rather than continue to express my worry, which I knew was beginning to wear on the beautiful raven-haired guy.

I was sat on the table in the corner, legs dangling off the edge as I observed the movements round the room. A few of Phil's friends were scattered, taking a seat on the battered sofa over by the wall. Phil had kept glancing over to me as he talked to an older man before he excused himself. My eyes studied him as he walked closer. He curiously peered at me before calling over to Blake. He was quickly by his side, flicking his gaze from Phil to myself.

"Keep an eye on him." Phil spoke warily to Blake.

I frowned as my temporary seat became occupied by another body. I didn't need to be babysat. Phil's possessiveness was almost suffocating. I was eighteen for goodness sake. I jumped when someone called out the match would be starting in fifteen minutes. Phil disappeared, probably going to have a last minute pep talk, so I was left with Blake.

"He's going to be alright, Dan."

I turned to face him.

"How do you know?! I can't believe you let him do this!"

Blake didn't have time to reply as a few more guys entered the room. Their playful banter filled the small space. I shuffled off the table, walking over to the far side. Blake's attention diverted away from his friends to me.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"To get some water."

He nodded at me, following my movements round to the water machine. I tugged out a plastic cup, placing it under the nozzle and pulling down the small leaver. The cool liquid filled the transparent container and I turned to Blake. His eyes were still curiously on me, I gave him a weak smile, raising the water to my lips. He seemed satisfied before turning back to the guys. I stood for a few seconds making sure he was completely distracted from my presence.

My full plastic cup was left on the side, taking the opportunity to slip out the door to my right. I darted my head from side to side down the corridor. I had no idea where I was going, the layout of the building completely new to me. My mind raced before quickly deciding to take a left.

I didn't have to walk far before I passed an open door, loud voices echoing round the room. It was him, the guy who Phil was fighting, it had to be. I didn't knock, just strode right in. A few of the men's faces looked a little shocked at my interruption.

"Mate, you can't be in here."

I ignored the irritated voice, focusing on the largely built guy in front of me. He was sat down, taking a swig of water from the bottle as he stared at me. His dark hair was closely shaved to his head, tattoos decorating his skin down one arm. But my exploration abruptly ceased as he addressed me.

"What can I do for you?" He smiled.

The facial expression was far from comforting.

"Call off the fight." I demanded.

He brushed off my request, now grinning at me. My eyes widened slightly as he got to his feet. His height was much the same as Phil's, towering over me. But I refused to let him know he was intimidating me, despite what I had heard of his bad reputation. I stood my ground.

"And what's your name?"

He was patronizing me, speaking to me like he would a little boy. I gulped as he bent down slightly. My fright mixed with anger, he obviously didn't take me seriously.

"Just call off the fight!" I raised my voice.

His eyebrows rose with my tone as he stared at me.

"Well, aren't we feisty." He teasingly spoke.

My head turned swiftly with the sound of Phil's raspy voice. Even from down the corridor he could still be heard.

"Where the fuck is Dan?!"

Amused laughing brought my attention back to the man I was confronting.

"Are you Dan? Because I don't think Phil is very happy with you." He smirked. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm about to get ready to beat the shit out of your boyfriend." His voice holding an eerie darkness.

He was taking pleasure in my desperation. I knew, knew that he wouldn't back down, neither would Phil. But I still clung onto that tiny shred of hope that this would all end. Phil would walk away and we could forget. But that was a wish I realized would never come true. Tears sprung in my eyes. He turned as I tried to reach out to him, gripping his wrist.

"Please…call off the fight." I weakly pleaded.

It was then I felt a strong arm wrap round my waist from behind. My feet left the ground as I was hoisted up and removed from the room. Phil's heavy breathing could be felt on the back of my neck. We got to about half way down the corridor before I was placed back on my feet and sharply spun round. He looked furious.

"Are you fucking crazy? Dan, I told you to stay with Blake." He fumed. "What were you thinking?"

I couldn't reply, speechless as I dropped my head. Phil's surprise was evident as I flung my arms round his neck, clinging to him as I cried.

"P-Please don't do this." I sobbed quietly into his chest, my despairing tears wetting his t-shirt.

I heard him heavily sigh, wrapping me protectively within his embrace. His chin rested on the top of my head, his breathing beginning to balance out. We stood for a moment before I jumped upon someone shouting Phil's name. He tried to encourage me to walk with him down the hall, but I only tighten my grip. My legs were knocked out from beneath me, Phil holding me to the warmth of his chest as I nuzzled my face into his neck.

He was silent as he carried me back to the room in which I had evaded Blake's watchful eye.

"We'll see you out there, mate." Blake spoke.

He turned to me, flicking his head in indication for me to follow after him.

"He stays with me." Phil confirmed.

There were a few seconds of quiet before Blake nodded and reluctantly left the room. I was sat on the table at the back once again, Phil's blue gaze locking with mine before he swiftly removed his top. I numbly watched as he tugged down his jeans, which he replaced with his pair of navy shorts.

He strolled over to me, a small smile on his face. I allowed him to part my knees, Phil's body standing comfortably between my thighs. Large hands were placed round my lower back, sliding me forward slightly. Phil's dark locks tickled lightly at my skin as he dipped his head, plump lips going to my ear.

"I promise I'll make it out alive." He half-heartedly joked.

The spot just below my ear received a small kiss when I gave him little response. Obviously aware that I was in no mood to have him joke. He drew back, astonishing blue eyes burning into my dark ones. I quickly turned my head as Phil leant in to my lips. He appeared shocked by my rejection, refusing him. His nose nudged at my cheek, willing me to accept his affection.

"Don't I get a kiss?" He whispered.

My eyes squeezed closed with the hurt lacing his voice, fingers tightly gripped the edge of the table.

"For good luck."

My silence caused his head to drop, gently prying my grasp from the table ledge. His touch was careful as he played with the tips of my fingers. My body seemed to tense as his lips made contact with my cheek whilst raising my hand to leave a kiss to the back.

Breath trembled from my mouth as he released me, leaving me cold and alone in the corner of the now seemingly frightening room. I watched as he picked up his gloves before making his way over to the door. He didn't look round as he exited. My heart was thumping wildly in my chest.

My head shook; I couldn't let him leave, not like this. I didn't want him worrying about me, especially as he was about to step into the boxing ring. He needed to focus on that, not me. I hastily scrabbled down from the table top, stumbling over to the door. My anxious gaze fell upon Phil's naked back as he walked barefoot down the narrow corridor.

"Phil!"

He swiftly turned at the sound of my voice, his eyes wide with concern as I ran to him. My hand grasped the back of his neck, tugging him down to forcefully press my lips to his. The gloves were dropped to the floor as strong arms held me tightly, our mouths savoring the feel of each other. When we drew back we were both heavily breathing, foreheads pressed together.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

Phil softly smiled before fiddling with the paper plane pendant he had retrieved from where it was hidden below the material of my neckline. He brought my hand up to his chest, pressing it closely to the bare, pale skin.

"You have my heart, keep it safe." He whispered.

My lips parted with Phil's quiet words, staring up at him. I leaned into his body, placing a kiss to where my hand previously rested.

"I will."

One last sweet peck was shared between us before he reluctantly moved away, picking up the disregarded gloves. I was left with the feel of Phil on my lips as I hopelessly watched him walk away.

"Phil."

His head twisted, locks flopping over his forehead.

"Kick his ass!"

I heard him laugh, strolling down the hall.

* * *

It was modern but cold in the vast room. A high ceiling above us, boxing ring in the centre. It made me wonder if this had once been a gym, all be it a very long time ago. But I could see the potential. It was nothing like the gym in which Phil and Blake worked, anyway.

Word must have spread about the looming fight, any number of people talking as they stood or sat round the ring. How long had people been waiting for this showdown? An uneasy feeling washed through me, knowing that there were stakes held against each of the fighters, someone had to lose. There was money going to be made out of the victor. The thought made me feel nauseous.

I was soon distracted from my gradually increasing level of anxiety. A familiar face stood to my side, giving me a small smile. It was Sebastian. Before I could ask him what he was doing there, both Phil and his opponent had entered the ring. The audience was loud and I found it difficult to distinguish the words being spoken. Sebastian tugged me a little closer.

"What a coincidence!" He surprisingly spoke. "Why is _he_ fighting?"

I stared at him for a second, unable to speak. There was too much going on. I guess he could see the anxiety and tension building inside me because he grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight.

His hand remained in mine as we turned our nervous gazes to the raised platform, all eyes on the ring as the guys got ready. Phil's orbs seemed to take my breath away as he stared at me. I had never seen him like that before, he looked intense, uncompromising, powerful, almost as if he was looking straight through me. But his vision swiftly averted as Blake placed the gum shield into his mouth, giving him a pat on the back. Blake exited the ring leaving Phil to stand alone, bare feet moving forward. I quickly came to learn that his opponent's name was Scott, numerous people shouting at him for support. We watched as they courteously knocked fists, signally both opponents were ready.

As soon as the bell rung out Phil's fist landed a solid hit on Scott's face. Numerous punches were thrown; both men receiving blows that made me wince. I knew Phil was good at what he did. But I never imagined him to fare so well against someone in a heavier weight class. His skill astounded me as we observed both opponents blocking hooks that would have done some serious damage. Phil was quick, quicker than his competitor. Maybe that was what made him excel, that and his obvious anger behind every hit.

I don't know how long had played out, but my grip soon began to tighten on Sebastian's hand as Phil took a heavy blow to the left side of his chest. The punches Phil was receiving exceeded that of what he was producing. Why was he slowing down? His forearms seem to be continuously raised in defense. I desperately looked to Sebastian. Blake was on her other side as he shouted out to Phil.

"Wha…" I couldn't finish.

"It's fine, Dan. He's s trying to find Scott's weak spot. He informed me.

"I don't understand." I shook my head, frowning.

"Everyone has some sort of flaw; Phil needs to find it in order to take him down."

"Well can't he do a bit more than just stand and take hits?" I cried.

My mind whirled as I thought about what Sebastian said. Phil appeared to have no physical flaws, none that I could see anyway.

"W-What's Phil's weakness?"

His eyes fell on me, and after a few moments of silence:

"You." He whispered.

* * *

**_"You". He whispered. _**

_**/pwa8bhh**_


	27. I was torn limb from limb

**Hello! Please leave a review if you enjoyed! :]**

* * *

Chapter 27:

**Dan's POV:**

"W-What's Phil's weakness?"

His eyes fell on me, and after a few moments of silence:

"You." He whispered.

My heart swelled, beating rapidly in my chest. The more I pondered over it, I came to believe that he was also my weakness, the tall, raven-haired guy that had, quite literally, "forced" his way into my life. And now I never wanted him to leave. My love for him was unconditional, unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable and unbearable.

I found it difficult to watch as Phil repeatedly blocked the punches. There were sure to be a number of bruises all over his soft pale skin once the match had ended. All I wanted was for him to make it out alive and let me kiss away all the pain that he endured that night.

Scott's abs were flabby and bulky, and he was about double as wide as Phil. Something fierce and primitive griped my core, and I was on my feet with a silent "no!" the instant he rammed a hit into Phil's ribcage. Phil's slammed so hard, I could hear the breath tear out of him.

My insides seized in dread even when he recovered easily, and my heart didn't stop pounding in my chest. I bit my lip as I watched him land a set of perfect punches on Scott's core. He moved so fluidly, every part of his body flexible and strong, sometimes I forgot he's was fighting against someone double as him merely because of the way he hypnotized me with his moves.

"Boo! Boo-hooo!" the crowd started shouting, and it was all after Phil sustained another hit in his upper torso. I winced when Scott followed with a straight punch to Phil's lips. His head swung, and I saw drops of blood splatter at his feet, and hear myself say "no" again, softly. He straightened once more and regained his position, licking the blood up from a cut part of his lip. But I didn't understand why he was letting down his guard.

It seemed like he was not covering, and even Blake and their Coach were scowling in puzzlement from the corner of the ring as they watched the fight continue, Phil landing his punches always excellently, but strangely allowing Scott too much access into his upper thoracic region. I was confused and anxious for it to finish, and all I know was that every punch the awful man was landing on him I could actually feel inside me like a knife cut in the gut.

When Scott slammed his side once more and Phil drops to one knee, I wanted to die.

"No!" The scream was torn out of me.

And when the woman beside me heard me, she cupped the sides of her mouth and shouted, "Get up, Phil! Get UP! Beat the crap out of him!"

A ragged breath of relief left me when he jumped back up and wiped the blood from his lips, but his eyes flicked in my direction, and he took another punch that swung him back to bounce against the chord.

My nerves were tattered in such a way that I needed to duck my head and stop watching for just a minute. There was, literally, a ball of fire in my throat, and I couldn't even swallow my saliva. There was just something about watching him take a pounding that made me feel as helpless as I did when I fought with my father, and could not do anything about it. I was being eaten with the sheer need either to go up there and hit that fucking fat man too, or just flee. Fight-or-flight. But instead I just sat there, and it was awful.

Suddenly, chorus began, "PHIL … PHIL … PHIL."

And something happened when I was not looking, for chaos broke loose in the Madison Square Garden, and the people started screaming, "Yeah. PHIL, PHIL, PHIL!"

The announcer's voice bursts through the speaker. "Our victor, ladies and gentlemen! PHILIP! Phiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiliiip! Yes, you hungry ladies out there, scream your hearts out for the baddest bad boy this ring has ever seen! Phiiiiiliiiip!"

My head shot back up in surprise as my eyes flew back to the ring. Fat Man was being removed with aid from the ring medics, and it struck me with the fact that Phil seemed to have broken his ribs.

And he was no longer in the ring.

And he might have a broken rib too.

My god, what in the hell just happened?

* * *

As quickly as I could get through the crowd, I headed backstage, leaving Sebastian behind. I felt my heart tighten when I turned around and saw his sad face. When I went back through the busy crowds, his eyes met mine, and with a smile, he mouthed "go" and gave me a thumbs up. I smiled back and nodded. I was going to thank him when there were less people around.

I find their Coach heatedly arguing with Blake about how "the bastard is playing with fire," and when they both noticed me, Coach turned away from me and Blake jabbed a finger and signaled "upstairs," then he flipped out the key to Phil's suite from his back jeans pocket to me. I took it and headed to the hotel in which he was staying during the fight, which was thankfully just around the corner.

I find Phil sitting in the bench at the foot of his bed, his spiky dark hair as beautifully rumpled as always, his breath still slightly uneven, and a wave of relief washed through me when he raises his head and his lazy smile appeared.

"Like the fight?" he asked, his voice rough with dehydration.

I couldn't say no, but I couldn't really say yes; I just don't know why it was such a complicated experience for me. So I said, "You broke his ribs."

One sleek black eyebrow swept upward, then he drained the last of a Gatorade and sent it spinning empty across the floor. "Are you worried about him, or me?"

"Him, because he's the one who won't be able to stand tomorrow."

We were alone.

And suddenly every pore in my body became aware of this.

The tension between us was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

My hands felt slightly unsteady and I seized some salve and kneeled between his legs to put it on the cut part of his lips. It was not bleeding anymore, but it cracked right on the fleshy middle of his lower lip. Time faded away as I pressed my finger there, his eyes hooded as he watched me.

"You," I whispered. "I worry about you."

A sudden awareness of the exact rhythm of his breath overcame me. I was so close I thought I just inhaled the same the same air he exhaled, and without warning his scent was inside me. He smelled so good, salty and clean as an ocean, and I was helpless to stop my reactions to him. My head was spinning inside my cranium. I imagined bending my head to his damp neck and running my tongue over each and every drop of sweat I saw on his pale skin.

_Why don't you kiss me, Phil? _

"I messed my right shoulder, Dan." He distracted me from my thoughts.

My roughly spoken name stirred the top of my head, and the way he said it affected me, but I covered up with a sigh of mock dreariness. "With a bulldozer like you, I knew it was too much to hope that you'd survive this night with just a cut lip."

"Are you going to come and fix me?"

"Of course. That's why I'm here for." On my feet I headed over to kneel on the end of his bed and grab his shoulder. I was no longer surprised at the way every cell of my body honed in on the feeling of this man's body connected, through my hands, with mine. I just closed my eyes and allowed myself to enjoy it for a moment as I tried to loosen him up, but the tension in his body was more unrelenting than ever. I prodded deeper into his right shoulder and whispered, "That ugly bastard landed a pretty hard one here. He landed a lot of hard ones. Does it hurt?"

"No."

I thought I heard a hint of amusement in his voice, but I wasn't sure. My focus drifted to his muscle, complaining and pushing back into my fingers, and I know for a fact that it hurts. It must. "I'll rub you down with arnica."

He sat perfectly still as he let me work in some oil into his skin, and when I peeked at his dark profile, I noticed his eyes were tightly shut. "Does it hurt?" I murmured into his ear.

"No." He whispered back.

"You always say no, but I can tell this time it does."

"There are other parts of me that are hurting more."

"What the hell?" The door of the suite slammed shut, and Blake stormed into the master bedroom, as angry as I've ever seen this man look. His choirboy features seemed sharper and even his curls looked more pronounced. "What. The. Hell?" he repeated.

Phil's body became a wall of brick under my touch.

"What we all want to know is: why the fuck are you letting your ass get kicked?!" Blake shouted.

A strange tumultuous vibe grabbed hold of the room, and my hands instantly stopped moving on the back of Phil's shoulder.

"Is this about him?" The Coach added as he followed inside. He shot me sinister glare.

Phil didn't answer. His full body felt like concrete under my hands and every muscle seemed engaged.

My insides clenched, and I knew I didn't really want to stay there and listen to these guys debate over a subject only they were specialized in, so I mumbled, mainly to myself since nobody was paying any attention to me anymore, something about going to look for some water.

As I went down the hall, I heard Blake again. "...Whatever it is you're doing, you can't play these damned games like a normal person. You're just torturing yourself, Phil, this is a dangerous thing you're doing with him."

I've slowed down almost to a halt. I bet they were talking about me.

"They've bet all your money on you this year, remember that episode?" Blake adds. "Now you need to defeat Scorpion at the final no matter what. And this includes him, dude."

Wait. What? _Another_ fight?

Phil's timbre was lower than the others, but somehow, that soft growl was infinitely more threatening." Scorpion's a fucking dead man, so just back off."

"You paid me to prevent this shit, Phil!" Blake countered, but that only made Phil lower his voice even more.

"I've got it. Under. Control."

* * *

I stopped at the last stair and sat down. My throat was dry and tears threatened to flood my eyes. I was really confused, I didn't know why Phil hadn't told me about the other fight, or why he was acting so strange around me. I just wanted to go home. I made this big fuss over how I didn't want him to fight and now he acted like it wasn't such a big deal.

I covered my face with my hands and sighed.

"Hey." His raspy voice came from behind me.

"Leave me alone, Phil."

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Do you even _know_ what you did wrong?"

He sat down beside me. I avoided looking into his blue eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me about the next fight?" I asked him.

"Because – ", he started.

"Because I'll tell you why!" I interrupted him, "Because you are selfish Phil. A mean, selfish bastard! It's fucking Christmas for goodness sake!" I shouted at him. "And all you did was to ruin this day. You know what I expected from you? I expected a long and warm kiss, maybe even a "Thank you, Dan for being here with me." I started crying. "I was so fucking scared for you. So scared that maybe you'll end like Scott."

"I expected an "I love you"…" I continued.

"Dan – "

"No. Just, just take me home, Phil. I don't need any of this anymore."

* * *

The ride home was just pure awkwardness. He felt almost dead next to me. He was as pale as the snow, and his blue eyes were dark, as dark as the winter night sky. And they looked dead.

All that I could hear was the snow cracking under the wheels of the car. New York was blossoming with color and cheerful spirits as we drove through Times Square. I was supporting my head on the freezing window of the car, watching the crowds of people "ooh" and "ahh" at the exquisite Christmas window displays adorning the stores along Fifth Avenue.

I felt really disappointed.

As his Range Rover stopped in front of my porch, I didn't waste any time and just opened the car door and got out. The snow covered my feet, up to my ankle.

"Good fight tonight, Phil." I said as I closed the passenger's door. "I worried about absolutely nothing."

With heavy steps, I made my way to the front door of my house. Phil didn't hesitate any second and just drove off, the color of his car blending into the darkness of the night.

I wanted to scream so much I felt my throat clench.

With shaky hands I unlocked the wooden entrance.

* * *

Unfortunately, we didn't have a Christmas tree, so the family-like atmosphere of the Holydays was nowhere to be found. The house was awfully silent. Even more silent than I had imagined. It was only twelve o'clock and my father shouldn't have been asleep by then.

I toed my shoes covered in snow off and made my way to my mother's bedroom. She was the only relief I had now.

I took me a while until I reached her door, because I felt so tired, so emotionally exhausted, I moved like a snail stuck in goo. _What the hell of a metaphor was that, Dan?_

It opened with a crack. I felt a shiver running down my spine, like when you suddenly walk into a very cold room. The lamp on her nightstand was turned off, so the only source of luminosity in the room was coming from the moon that crept through the window next to her bed. It was so silent, I could hear the snowflakes melting against the warmth radiated from the house.

My mother didn't make any sound. Even the people who are asleep make the slightest movement in their slumber. You can hear them breathing. But I didn't hear anything. I sat next to her bed, on the chair that I put there since the first day after the accident. With a small click, I turned on the light and looked at her pale, almost grey figure. Her skin was stretched over the bones of her face so hard, you could see the little mauve capillary wriggling across it. Her eyes were sunk deep into their orbits, looking like two hollow abysses. I picked her fragile hand from the duvet. It was cold. Almost as if she was dead.

I felt my heart sinking deep into my chest.

"Mom?" I whispered, slightly shaking her shoulder.

Outside, the snowfall looked like a curtain of diamonds.

"Mom…?" I dared to ask again.

Nothing. Just the sound of the rough wind lashing against the frozen window.

I got up on my feet. Her face was splattered with my warm tears.

"Mom!" I shouted as I shaked her rougher, waiting for even the slightest response.

Her body lay lifeless in my hands.

I felt like somebody torn me limb from limb, ripping my heart out of my chest, leaving me a writhing mass of blood and flesh.

"Mother!" I yelled and yelled until I felt my voice crack. I cried until I had no more tears to shed.

I cradled her in my arms, taking in her appearance. She was covered in my tears.

I kissed her forehead and lay her back in bed, and walked the most torturous path of my life.

The white telephone gleamed in the darkness like an angel.

I picked up the receiver and dialed 911.

"Hello? Could you please save my mother?"

* * *

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